Spurs-Cavs, Game Four, First Quarter Diary

Well, I've decided to go for maximum masochism here, and pick this mess up from the very beginning. In other news, I'm going to listen to any David Blaine commercials, and I'm wearing clothes pins on my nipples. Just thought you should, you know, get the full picture here.

9:07 - Gibson and Gooden look lively. Cavs with legs. Crowd's kinda peppy. It all adds up to... 7-4 after a James mid-range jumper. How will the Spurs respond to this remarkable surge? Sorry, I was channeling Bill Walton there.

9:10 - Finley doesn't get the Reggie Miller memorial call.

9:11 - Duncan walks, but gets the bailout bump from Gooden. That's dumb play number one from Drew...

9:12 - Duncan misses both free throws, gets the board, misses. Maybe it is Cleveland's night - that goes in every game before this one.

9:13 - Gooden misses a bad jumper choice, creating a fast break the other way. Dumb Drew, Number 2... Parker now in playoff game #100. He's 25, but with those miles, more like 27. Something to remember if you own him in a keeper league...

9:13 - Gibson nails a long 3 after an offensive board. 10-5 Cavs, Spurs still look lethargic. We see Leisure Suit Larry Hughes... in a yellow suit, on the bench. He looks good there.

9:14 - Ilgauskas, falling away, in the post against Duncan. A no hope shot. Why do the Cavs post a guy who can't do it? Oh, because their coach eats paste. I forgot.

9:15 - Duncan misses point blank, Ziggy responds with a mid-range jumper to make it 12-8. Oh, you mean he actually has utility there? Maybe they should, you know, KEEP HIM OUT THERE. IN THE HOPE THAT DUNCAN MOVES AWAY FROM THE POST.

I don't mean to overstate the case here -- the Spurs win this thing even if Mike Brown is allowed to have sharp scissors. But it's galling to watch.

9:17 - I like Steve Carell. I loke Morgan Freeman. Making them act against animals on a blue screen? That just makes Baby Jesus cry.

9:18 - ABC wants us to watch bingo. No, seriously. What's next, keno? Paint drying?

9:19 - Cavs get a steal out of the timeout. LeBron follows up with AGGRESSION! that doesn't work for him, and the Spurs inevitable fast break leads to free throws. Note that while the Spurs are methodical, this doesn't mean they are slow; they run when it's there. As always, efficiency over all.

9:20 - Gooden driving, would have dunked on anyone else in the league. Unfortunately for him, the Spurs have Duncan. Bowen hoop makes it 12-11.

9:21 - James has his mid-range jumper tonight. The game might be watchable. Manu continues to struggle, but Parker goes into warp drive -- remarkable quicks. Gibson responds with confidence.

9:22 - Parker, of course, DOES NOT CARE. This gives us a Longoria shot. Are they getting married or something? Manu scores to give the Spurs the lead, and the cavs call time.

while this has been the best played basketball of the Finals... it's still... well... not all that good. And such small portions!

9:25 - Rush Hour 3! Hallelujah! I had so many questions at the end of the last one.

9:28 -- Miss and miss after the timeout. Spus respond with a shuffling walk layup by Oberto. James then fires into double coverage. Mike James has placed his thumb into his ass. All is well.

9:29 - Varejao hits, then James gets Bowen moving the wrong way, drives and finishes. Another 200 of those, we've got a series. Cavs lead, 20-19.

9:31 - Jeff van Gundy tells us that Varejao thinks he made the right play in Game 3. Sure he did! HE'S SPECIAL! DON'T UPSET HIM, OR HE'LL EAT COACH BROWN'S PASTE!

9:32 - Bad final shot possession by the Spurs ends with Bruce "The Hitman" Bowen hitting James in the face for no call. What does this guy have to do to get the refs to give him the goon treatment? Somewhere, Ken "The Animal" Bannister is grunting in disapproval.

That's the end of the quarter, and by the standards of this series, we have Big Entertainment. Come back, audience that never was here in the first place!

(Ed. Note: No second quarter diary tonight. Parenting intrudes.)