Best College Nicknames

(ED. NOTE: Jamestown Jimmies should, after reading this, click here. It'll make you feel warm all over.)

FTT is proud to present you with the Battle of the College Nicknames. I’ve always wondered how some schools chose the nicknames/mascots that they did. These are the names that represent the spirit of the school. Some are solid, some are plain and boring and some are just lame and ridiculous. FTT set out to discover the best college nickname out there.

We started our research by determining the schools that put about 5 minutes of thought into their nickname. These schools were quickly eliminated from the competition. They’re the nicknames you see all the time. I really like the schools that picked a nickname that another school in the conference already had (you know who you are Mississippi State). Here are the most common names followed by the number of schools with that name:

Eagles (55)
Tigers (45)
Bulldogs (39)
Lions (33)
Panthers (31)
Pioneers (31)
Cougars (30)
Warriors (27)
Bears (24)
Crusaders (23) surprisingly, all came from Christian colleges

We next eliminated the schools with nicknames that strike fear in the heart of nobody. When you look at some of these names you’ll wonder what in the wide, wide world of sports was going on when they picked these names. Here’s a sampling from the “What the F category”

Flying Feet
The Gentlemen
Gulls
Hustlin’ Quakers I can only assume that they are scarier because they are hustlin’ and not hustling
Little Giants Jumbo Shrimp must have been taken already
Medics they must have one hell of a football team
Poets
Purple Pride their fight song has to be “YMCA” by the Village People
Student Princes I’m sure they don’t take any abuse for that nickname

We then had to disqualify the USC Trojans from the competition because of their blatant rip off of Duff Man from the Simpsons. You be the judge.

This left FTT a long list still to scale down on its quest to find the best college nickname. After careful analysis (beer drinking and a sampling size of 1) the list was pared down to 16 final qualifiers. They were randomly seeded in a bracket for head to head analysis, with one school ultimately winning the title of “Best College Nickname.” Here’s how it played out:

ROUND 1
Columbia College – Hollywood Claim Jumpers vs. Rhode Island School of Design Nads. Shocking that a school in Hollywood would have a nickname like the Claim Jumpers. Regardless, they didn’t have the stones to compete with the Nads. Winner: Nads

Cal State Long Beach Dirtbags vs. Geneva College Golden Tornadoes. Golden Tornadoes? What a name. Is that some deviant sexual thing that I haven’t heard of? Was “Cleveland Steamers” already taken? Either way a deviant move like the Golden Tornado isn’t out of the realm of actions for a Dirtbag. Winner: Dirtbags

Centre College Praying Colonels vs. Bryant & Stratton College Lemmings. Okay, so maybe both of these nicknames should have been eliminated for being so lame. But I couldn’t resist this match up. I just hope that Centre College is not a military school. And the Lemmings? “Here at Bryant and Stratton College we teach students to follow the pack and not think for themselves. Free will is discouraged here.” Through the power of prayer, the Colonels take the Lemmings. The Lemmings really beat themselves though. Winner: Praying Colonels

Vanderbilt University Commodores vs. Rhode Island College Anchormen. Sweet Lincoln's mullet, a college with the nickname Anchormen. And while I like to think of the Commodores being named after the 70’s soul group and not some crusty old baron, how do you not go with the Anchormen? You stay classy San Diego. Winner: Anchormen

UC Irvine Anteaters vs. UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. Yep, leave it to two California schools to come up with these names. The Banana Slug nickname is a trendy pick, but after seeing them up close in real life, very lame. Winner: Anteaters

Trinity Christian College Trolls vs. Jamestown College Jimmies. I love you Jamestown College. And a hat tip to Trinity for knowing your audience – who you are and who you aren’t. After a bunch of beers and closing time around the corner, the Jimmies give the Trolls a good rogering. Winner: Jimmies

Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats vs. UC Santa Barbara Gauchos. I’ve never seen a diplomat square off with a Gaucho before, but I think the outcome would be the same as this one. Winner: Gauchos

Blackburn College Battlin’ Beavers vs. Slippery Rock University The Rock. Whether or not the The Rock has picked up some WWE moves or not, the Battlin’ Beavers are not to be messed with. They’re not going to take it lying down, that’s for sure. Winner: Battlin’ Beavers

QUARTER FINALS
Nads vs. Dirtbags. The Dirtbags are nothing without their nads. This is a romp. Winner: Nads

Praying Colonels vs. Anchormen. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang. The Praying Colonels would have been better off with going by the Octagon. Winner: Anchormen

Anteaters vs. Jimmies. Please. Winner: Jimmies

Gauchos vs. Battlin’ Beavers. The Gauchos are too distracted by the riled up Beavers. Winner: Battlin’ Beavers

SEMI FINALS
Nads vs. Anchormen. Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles. Toughest match to date. But in the end, the Nads are just too much to handle. Winner: Nads

Jimmies vs. Battlin’ Beavers. What a shame this had to be settled in the semis and not the finals. This is a match up made for prime time (or at least the Spice Channel). The Jimmies stick it to the Battlin' Beavers in the end. Winner: Jimmies

FINALS
Nads vs. Jimmies. It’s a shame that one of these teams has to lose. But when you factor in merchandising dollars, you have to go with the Jimmies. Too many opportunities with a name like that. The Jimmies rise to the occasion. Winner: Jimmies

There you have it folks. The Jamestown College Jimmies. Hats off (or on) to the Jimmies!