Sunday, July 5, 2009

Top 10 Depressed MLB Fan Bases

(What's this, a list? Yeah, 205 is having Financial Issues, so you get all your Shooter Content here again. Click on some ads, will you?)

10) New York Yankees. Don't let the recent winning streaks fool you; this is a roller-coaster ride with an undercurrent of real distaste. The manager seems overwhelmed, the new yard is destroying the pitching depth, the "fun" of rooting for A-Roid can't really be stated in words, and Chien Ming-Gone is just an exercise in tragedy. There's also this: real Yankee fans would happily lose every game to the Mets if they could just beat the freaking Red Sox, and the last decade or so has convinced many of them that they just aren't ever going to win again. Poor babies.

9) Oakland A's. When your big off-season move (Matt Holliday) not only doesn't work out, but also looks like it's going to cost you another prospect just to get rid of him... and the last position player that you developed with any actual offensive value were all turn of the century Steroid Achievers... and your home part is a timeshare with a terrible NFL team, with no new stadium in sight, and your media market goes something like 20 to 1 for the NL team which actually has a nice new park... well, um, you can see why this A's fan is on methadone, and watching "The Wire" on DVD to cheer up. Has the statute of limitations ran out on Billy Beane being a genius yet? (And the A's would rank higher if we weren't all depressed as a matter of course, given how we turned Rich Harden into Matt Murton, all while refusing to admit it was a salary dump.)

8) Atlanta Braves. An also-ran in a division where no team has played well, with the awful knowledge that they have seen the best era in their history and got very little in the way of actual playoff success. Oh, and everyone still hates you for that freaking chop, John Smoltz is in Boston, Tom Glavine got boned, and you live in Atlanta in the summer. Yeesh.

7) Cleveland Indians. When your best player (Grady Sizemore) is hitting like Felix Fermin and will need post-season surgery, Fausto Carmona is a full-on arsonist, and the bullpen is making the locals pine for the return of Jose "Joe Table" Mesa, that's not a good year. At all.

6) Arizona Diamondbacks. Assuming this fan base actually exists, they can't be liking how ace Brandon Webb is rumored to be moving into Operation Shutdown Mode, and July finds them absolute buried in the NL West. At least they can take some solace in Mark Reynolds and Justin Upton, though it's probably not enough to make them forget that Chris Young problem. They might move up the list when they sell Dan Haren for parts.

5) San Diego Padres. Isn't a new stadium supposed to make a team, you know, better? This franchise is so down in the dumps, they couldn't even fire sale Jake Peavy before he broke down. When your second-best offensive player is the All And More Likely Nothing stylings of Kevin Kouzmanoff, maybe it's time to find something else to do with your eyes. Like, say, watching out for wildfires.

4) Chicago Cubs.
Always a contender for this title, but with special juice this year from the fact that even their fans are sick of the Carlos Zambrano Show by now. Don't look now, but Rich Harden has been awful, the bullpen is shakier than advertised, the manager seems like he's ready for an exit strategy, and they can't get healthy. But the biggest point is the 2.5 years and $25 million remaining on monumental failure Milton Bradley, who has taken this year by the horns and mounted it. Enjoy him while you can, Cub Fans!

3) Washington Nationals.
Assuming this fanbase actually exists, are they ready for the JD Drew-esque screw job that Scott Boras is going to give them with Stephen Strasburg? A historically awful bullpen -- really, when the answer is Mike MacDougal, you don't want to ask the question -- is matched by the current regime's need to ship out the toolsy failures of the past (Lastings Milledge, Elijah Dukes) for the tool-free failures of the future (Austin Kearns, Adam Dunn). The stadium is new and terrible, and you could make the very strong argument that they were better off in Montreal. Wow.

2) New York Mets. A season of injury and unintentional comedy, with "highlights" including a Mariano Rivera RBI and an A-Rod walkoff error from a dropped pop up. Between the Yankee Whitewash and the expensive new park that is going to make every free agent power hitter take a big miss for this team and turned David Wright into Bill Meuller, it hasn't been a good time in Queens. You don't make them any happier when you tell them Oliver Perez is coming back, the last two Septembers will stay in their memories forever, they probably need to look at Livan Hernandez for another three months, and Johan Santana might be DL-bound. On the plus side, if they've survived the last two years, they can survive anything, right?

1) Baltimore Orioles. There's actually been more to cheer for this year than you might expect, what with the emergence of young players like Nolan Reimold, Adam Jones and Matt Wieters, and the occasional uprising against Boston. But when you still have the same old terrible owner, live in a ridiculously difficult division, routinely have your stadium overrun by Road Fans, and still live in a town that's so depressing, there's been multiple television series about how many people die brutally there. Let's just give this one to BMore for good, OK?

34 comments:

Shoelundo said...

As I White Sox fan, I am pleased to see that we didn't crack the top 10. I have to think that we would be top three if it weren't for 05.

DMtShooter said...

Considered, but not delivered. Besides, now that Scott Posednik has returned, how can you be sad about anything?

ej said...

How are the Pirates not on this list? Are we so depressed that we don't even deserve to be there?

DMtShooter said...

I considered the Pirates, but what with the park being nice, the Steelers winning the SB and the Penguins winning the Stanley Cup, being a depressed fan in Pittsburgh is just quibbling right now. Besides, your team's had something approximating a pulse this year.

Dawntae Jackson said...

How are the Nats not number one with the worst record in baseball? How are the Pirates not on this list when they were the first to start selling off peices in the season, and the Indians (in which I am a fan) have waaay more problems than Grady Sizemore's hitting. If thats what you can come up with, then you haven't scouted them that well.

And you forgot the Royals after they started off so well and had Zach Grienke who was suppossed to change the world.

DMtShooter said...

1) If depression simply was a matter of a losing record, it'd make for a pretty dull list, wouldn't it? I'm not thinking Nats Fan really was making post-season plans in spring training.

2) As for the Pirates, read the earlier comment, and

3) Yes, the Indians have more problems than Grady, but being sad about Travis Hafner is so last year, and if you expected more out of Carl Pavano, you're kidding yourselves.

4) The Royals were considered, but the thought was that the fan base has been so beaten down over the past decade that Greinke would be enough to make them feel comparatively OK about the year. When your front office trades *for* Mike Jacobs, once again, you shouldn't harbor any delusions of hope in the first place...

Anonymous said...

What about the Astros. The only thing they have done in their history is make one World Series, and they were swept.

Anonymous said...

If Atlanta is such a bad place to live, then why do all the Midwesterners and Yankees move down here?

And Glavine got boned? You think he had a 27 scoreless inning streak in him this year?

James said...

I can't take this list seriously if you don't have the Pittsburgh Pirates on there. This list is pathetic 16 straight losing seasons going on a record 17 look up information instead of putting on the freakin yankees

Joseph said...

Although this season has gone better than expected, it's pretty hard to top Seattle on the lists of recently-depressed fanbases. Within the past 18 months, the Mariners created the 100/$100 club, the Seahawks collapsed, the Sonics became the OKC Thunder, and the Cougs and Huskies were the two worst college football teams in the BCS. And if you think Atlanta is hard to live in during the Summertime, you should try being in Seattle during the 51 weeks a year it is gray and raining.

DMtShooter said...

Of the also-weeps in the comments, I had Seattle as #11. It's tough for me to sell that place as depressing, though -- the city's pretty great, and when I've been there on business, it was nice out. Besides, it's salmon season.

Anonymous said...

I expected to see the hard-luck, underachieving Toronto Blue Jays on the list. Great individual performances by Halliday, Hill, Rolen, Lind and Scutaro are being wasted due to pitching injuries and the poor first half by Vernon Well. Most disappointing is that Jays fans were so excited by the team's quick start and would have filled the now empty seats.

tizer said...

Thanks for not including Detroit. Easy to do because of our bad rep. No news can be good news.

DMtShooter said...

How can Jay Fan be sad when they have Marco "Magical Man-Elf" Scutaro having a career year, and Scott Rolen coming back from the dead? Scoot got me through many a sad and lonely night in Oakland. We spooned.

Bob's Blitz said...

We are close to announcing Omar Minaya as MLB Executive of 2009.

Have you ever seen any other GM so 'efficient' with the time he spends working?

Man is a genius.

DMtShooter said...

"We" ... Phillies' fans? Yankees' fans?

Brian said...

As a Pirates fan, I find it hard to believe that we aren't number 1! We have to be! Nobody can be futile for, what, 16 (going on 17) years. We want to be number 1 at something! lol

Anonymous said...

Padres shouldn't be on the list, we are thrilled that we didn't fire sale Peavy...we know what a fire sale is all about. We are getting younger, faster, and have T. Gywnn on the roster. KC/Pittsburgh/SF?

Anonymous said...

Jeez, what did SF do to deserve mention? They look like the odds-on favorite to take the wild card.

Anonymous said...

How aren't Pirates even on this list? 16 straight losing seasons is definitely depression worthy, especially losing players like Jason Bay, Aramis Ramirez, Barry Bonds, Bobby Bonilla, etc.

DMtShooter said...

Man, Zinzer Fan is indignant about their depression.

It's almost like they don't have a great park, a SB champion football team, a SC champion hockey team, a top tier college basketball team, a nice downtown and a better record and talent this year than in years.

Buck up, Bucco Backers! You've had it much worse than now!

jonlusty2215 said...

This list is a joke. Pirates are clearly number one. How can a team that has pretty much clinched a record setting 17th straight losing season not even be on the list? Especially when we are already dumping talent and drafted a guy who is projected to be a backup catcher with the 4th pick in the draft. Pirates are number one, and it's not even close.

Anonymous said...

As a Yankee fan, I'm not depressed at all this season - hottest club in the league right now (despite the loss this afternoon). They're playing great baseball to make me forget about the $1 billion dollar park that shouldn't be, and The Wang. Good riddance to him for now. I disagree with you about Giradi - he's done a good job so far in a tough division and I love that he uses fresh legs to attack the bases with hit and run; something Torre forgot about after the '98 season. The consecutive losses to the Sox is frustrating, but it doesn't make me depressed sitting 1.5 games back in the best division in the league.

Anonymous said...

No Reds? Your team built a bandbox stadium for Jr to break the home run record but his body is trashed before he even plays one game there while your pitchers get sore necks from watching balls fly out of the park. Your can't miss prospect has tunnel vision for the short right field fence and can't hit anything on the outside of the plate.

Anonymous said...

Basically, everyone except the Yankees and Red Sox can be depressed because those two buy anyone and everyone they need at the expense of the other teams. Teams like the Pirates and Reds will never see a World Series again. Meanwhile, Bud Selig gives us steroids and inter-league play. Baseball is a joke.

Tracer Bullet said...

I'm surprised Pirate fans are this passionate. I would have thought they'd simply be numb at this point and accept their fate with hollow-eyed ennui. Like Lions fans but with a better logo.

Anonymous said...

As long as the bumbling, meddling, evil Peter Angelos owns the O's the fans will be depressed. The Oriole way has been destroyed by that menace.

Avenger-in-Chief said...

Don't listen to Anon...Padre fans are depressed.

We just had a series against LA and our park was FILLED with the Dodger fans.

That's the definition of depressed.

Anonymous said...

What about the Houston Astros? Nothing has gone right for them. It can be greatly argued that they missed the playoffs last year because they had to play 3 of their home games in Milwaukee (due to hurricane ike). Houston does not have a very good football team. Just when the Houston Rockets showed potential they lost their best player for probably 2 years. I think the fans of the Astros are a depressed fan base and should be mentioned.

Anonymous said...

I know you've explained why Pirates fans shouldn't be depressed, but clearly, we still are. I just see this list as the top 10 amateurs, and doesn't include the one fan base that has ascended to "Professionally Morose". We're about to break the record for consecutive losing seasons, IN ALL FOUR MAJOR SPORTS. We leave our beautiful stadium bummed out all the time. Matt Wieters was ours for the taking, but we took a crappy relief pitcher with the 4th pick instead. And finally, the term you used, "Operation Shutdown", was coined by a Pirates player, Derek Bell, who was terrible (and ugly) to begin with. We Win.

DMtShooter said...

I have to say, Pirate Fan, that "Professionally Morose" won me over. My bad. You should have been on.

Anonymous said...

Yes the O's Suck something terrible. And yes our owner is possibly the worst that professional sporting has ever seen. But leave Charm City as a whole out of it. Its a great town with great sports history. And if you dont go to the west side you would never know the murder rate was so high!

Steve said...

I live in Nebraska so a beautiful park does absolutely no good. That is a horrible reason to think that Pirates fans aren't miserable. To not have them on the list is an embarrassment.

Sherwin said...

I guess you're asking for criticism when you do a top-ten list of any kind, but to not have the Pirates on here is just negligence. Francisco Cabrera and Sid Bream extinguished Pirate hope in 1992. Nineteen ninety-two. The most hope that town has had since then was 1997, when they finished second to the Astros, but were still under .500.