FTT Off-Topic: A Brief And Obvious Point About True Equality

Equal Opportunity

Not sports, yada yada, it's summer, I'm making it up as I go along.

The woman to the right of this copy is the German actress Antje Traue, who has a role as the mean muscle in the new Superman movie that you could not pay me to watch. The reason why you could not pay me to watch it is that I'm 44, bored beyond words with superhero movies, and care as much about Superman as I do about the Stanley Cup. Just not my cup of mass market; I get that it is for many, and you're not wrong, and neither am I. Let's get back to the point.

The sole interesting point about the latest movie, and Traue here, is that I'm told that she's a villain without any of the usual baggage that girls usually have to take on to be bad. A man did not do her wrong, she isn't avenging a murdered husband, wasn't made that way by Bad Old Dad, doesn't try to use her Feminine Wiles because she's a tiresome rapacious sexual beast, and just happens to be female because bad people just happen to be female sometimes. Especially in superhero movies, where you need bad people, otherwise the movie is even more dull than usual.

Since Traue isn't unattractive or made up to be unattractive, you notice her, which is to say, she's in a movie. There's no reason why her character, I am told, needs to be female, other than if she's not, the movie misses an opportunity to cash in on some very small novelty, much the way that movies with all-white casts are missing out on an opportunity to make something that's more like, well, reality in most major metro areas. (You can't really make her black, by the way, since the story line is that the baddies are master race types. Gotta go German for that.)

I was also dancing around the dial tonight, and caught a minute or two of WWE. (It's a weakness; I enjoy crap.) Tonight, a brunette heel was delighting in her win of a title belt, only to be chastised by the female management figure as to how, if she is to be a true champion, she needs to stop playing to the stereotype of tearing down other women. At which point I kind of lost how the heel was the heel.

No one ever has, or ever will, tell a male pro wrestler that he needs to stop tearing down other men, because that would be plainly and utterly absurd. It's also absurd for women, but not so much as to get the speech laughed out of the room by the WWE's writers. But that's because, unlike movies, the WWE is a lot further away from equality for women, and feels compelled to toss in '70s/'80s style first wave feminism to the mix. That's the stuff where women have to be better than men, because otherwise we're just contributing to negative stereotypes.

Well, screw that.

If you want women to be equal to men, they've got to take on some of the bad stuff, too. They have to get antagonist roles that are cast without gender being the driver or excusing factor. Older and fatter actresses have to get parts, just the same as old and fat men. Some of the roles have to be minor and perfunctory. Many of the jobs have to be tedious and bureaucratic, or forgettable and background. They get to be as present, and ordinary, as men.

They also get to take a superhero punch, or betray and manipulate others before a comeuppance without learning a valuable lesson, putting on a skirt and making less severe wardrobe choices before shunting off to have redeeming meals and/or babies.

And if you don't want to live in a world like that, or think that entertainment that doesn't go that way is somehow degrading and demeaning and dehumanizing, well... I've only got two questions for you.

Who, exactly, are you protecting? And why do you want so many less women to get work?

Top 10 reasons why Pac Man Jones Will Speak, Again, At The NFL Rookie Symposium

If It's Tuesday, He's Under Arrest

10) The little-known concept of proactive community service, or building up a bank

9) Best way to remind everyone that he's somehow still alive and in the league

8) Has so much to share with young guys about how to keep the stripper trip and Rain Event economical

7) Doesn't remember doing this last year, and won't remember doing it this year

6) Has to fill those tedious minutes every day when he's not in jail, in court, or locked down under curfew

5) It's going to be in Aurora, OH, which is not Cincinnati, so, hey, maybe he's not that big of an idiot after all

4) It's a little known fact that no NFL rookies got in trouble last year, all due to Pac Man's sterling example

3) Troy Vincent is the NFL's vice president of player engagement, and a notorious practical joker

2) Maurice Clarett needed a wingman, and OJ Simpson and Rae Carruth were not available

1) Jones is setting up his resume for the spectacular Act 2 of his American life, where he becomes the most celebrated and cerebral head coach of his generation

A Brief And Obvious Point About Phil Mickelson Losing The U.S. Open

He's a guy who makes tens of millions of dollars, and pules about paying his fair share of taxes, because he's a terrible human being and worse citizen.

He gets props for caring about his wife and kids, mostly because he displays his wife and kids in public.

He talks about heartbreak, and at age 43, how he doesn't have many more chances left.

Um, boo woo.

He's a professional athlete -- that is to say, a guy whose job consists of nothing more than what he can do with his body -- with man boobs. The only real disappointment of the weekend is that Philly Fan disappointed me by cheering for him, rather than Random British Guy (Justin Rose) who doesn't get a luck bolt from the heavens by holing out an iron.

So Micklewuss chokes yet again, with a terrible sand wedge play and itchy short game, then can't get it in the fairway on 18 to win. I'll say it; he was lucky to finish second.

And a special shout out to everyone who thought a short course couldn't host an Open. No one broke par at Merion, so by the way I look at this, no one won the U.S. Open. But the one who lost it the most? Phil Mickelson, the 6-time Bitterest Loser at the tournament that he wanted to win the most.

Who said watching golf is boring?

Heat - Spurs Game Five: Either I'm Dwunque, Or Manu's Good Again

Tonight, With Cause

Here's a confession: I don't have a good relationship with alcohol. There's lots of family history with it, and I've never woke up with a hangover, mostly because I always become very aware of That Way Lies Madness, and pull back from excess. So at age 44, I know my limits and don't push them, and since I'm a hobbit (5'-4", 142 pounds), it really doesn't take much to get me, in the words of an adorable French-Canadian quasi-mother-in-law, dwunque. And that's what happened in a random Trader Joe's dinner that I put together, then capped off with port (I love port!) and cheese and chocolate. So I'm all kinds of altered at the start of this one, and happy about it. Basketball is ending, I'm going to Blog Hard to remember everything later, then spend the next three months trying to care about baseball, and praying that there are scandals to fill the bloghole and keep this a lucrative habit. Wee!

Darius Rucker is on hand to sing the National Anthem, and it's nice that he dressed up for the occasion -- t-shirt and jeans. Guess that Hootie money means you don't need to care very much, eh Darius? Mike Miller starts again for the Heat, because, well, he's the better idea. Manu Ginoboli also starts, possibly out of a Gregg Popovich challenge move, and he pays off early with a make on Chris Bosh. The refs blow the call and give the Spurs a gift point; alert conspiracy theorists! Dwyane Wade responds, but Manu feeds for the room service deuce. Wade is enjoying his new found jumper, but Manu feeds Tim Duncan for another slam  and hey, it's interesting that he's not sucking. Wow, my lights are bright. And my kid showed up in the middle of the action and distracted me from everything. Perhaps I need to drink more port. Danny Green wins a tip, Manu feeds Duncan and the Spurs look feisty. Green fails to dunk, James does not, and it's 11-8 Spurs. Wade gets away with a walk, Green doesn't get a call but blocks the play coming back, and Bosh ends Manu on a drive. Wade with another make, and this is the kind of ball that makes a man like pro hoop. Manu sinks another three, he's got 8 now, and rumors of his death are greatly exaggerated. Wade to Bosh for a deuce, and Popovich takes a timeout. 16-12 Spurs as we go to commerce, and that's just great hoop.

The refs take away the Manu gift point. Aww, I wanted a conspiracy! The Heat get a make and have a chance to take the lead, but James turns it, and then Green with a terrible airball. Wade turns it back. Duncan works Bosh like a three dollar whore, and yes, I'm still dwunque. James line drives a three and we're tied; all a road team can ask for 7.5 minutes in. Bosh picks up a foul as Boris Diaw waddles in. Manu sits. Parker embarrasses Norris Cole as Jeff Van Gundy praises Mario Chalmers, who is no longer on the floor. Is he dwunque too? One make for the lead at 18-17. Cole's three is a shot put and awful, and Duncan catches low and gets a call on Miller. One make is all, and it's a 2-point lead. Diaw on James, who inexplicably settles for the early jumper and misses. Parker leans and makes; pretty. Heat coach Erik Spoelstra calls time and it's a 4-point lead into the money minutes.

ESPN flashes that the Big 3 for Miami have scored all of their points; hmm. Parker makes two at the line, helpful, and it's a 6-point Spur lead. Wade misses on Duncan's defense, and Parker owns Cole to make it 8. Wade feeds Haslem at the rim, but he fails, and Gary Neal's deuce makes it a 10-point lead on a 10-0 run. Wade misses and the Heat aren't getting a lot out of James right now. Parker is called for the obvious travel and complains about it; the gods of karma will not appreciate that, Tony! Mario Chalmers turns, Neal heaves early, but Diaw saves it, feeds Kawhi Leonard for the stuff, and the run is now 12-0. Do the Heat want this game, or is this another every-other series for them? 29-17 Spurs with a minute left in the first. Shane Battier misses off good ball movement, but the Heat get the o-board and Ray Allen converts; encouraging for Miami. Leonard answers with the corner three, and another Heat miss ends the quarter. Spurs 32, Heat 19, and that's just about the best possible quarter for the home team, and for ABC/ESPN. (Yes, the ratings for this Finals have been good.)

A small and obvious point about the ads: talking babies who crap themselves are no reason to buy a car, and Designed by Apple in California is designed to make me not think about their sweat shop labor in Asia, or their accounting in the world's tax havens. It's not working in either case.

Spoelstra hates his team in the quarter interview; always amusing. Battier makes a corner three, but Splitter runs the floor and slams; Diaw with a block, but the Spurs turn on the other end. James with an airball; this hasn't been his finest hour. The Spurs stretch it to 14 and turn it, but Wade's foot is out of bounds, and that's just good luck for the home team. Splitter turns, and this isn't his best series. Battier misses, but Bosh gets the board and gets to the line as we go to ads. (And my family goes to chaos. Port does not make all of us agreeable.)

ESPN notes that Miami is shooting 27% from the floor; hmm. A couple of Bosh makes in front of a Chalmers foul, and wow, does he have expressive eyebrows. Green makes yet another three off good ball movement for the 15-point Spurs lead. Bosh follow Wade's miss; still not much from James. Splitter with the slow-motion turn. Bosh misses, Green with Yet Another Three, and it's a 16-point game. Shades of Game 3?

Green with Yet Another Three, and he's threatening to put this out of reach. The Heat get back to some equilibrium, and Battier sneaks a possession on dirty play. Bosh with a stop, James with a slam, Popovich irate with cause. The lead is cut to 11 with a quickness, and we're going to have a game after all.

Diaw walks after time out as ESPN focuses on Green. Allen gets a 4-point play on Parker with Parker making a mistake; huge play, and the run is 10-0 Heat. Diaw misses as the Spurs pay the price for playing him. James makes it an even dozen in a 2:03 span. Duncan at the end of the clock stops the bleeding. Wade misses an easy drive. Bosh hacks Duncan obviously, and the Spurs are clearly looking for their Hall of Famer. Leonard misses a three, takes a foul, then gets owned by James. 5-point game as the Series of Runs continues. Green goes to the line as the Heat, and Ray Allen, overplay the three. Green gets two at the line, which helps. James is lightning quick on the post on Green for a deuce, and why he doesn't do that on every trip, we'll never know. Manu with an old-school foul draw and a make. James to the line on a weak call against Green, and karma dictates a miss. Duncan with the low catch from Manu and make; that's all day on early offense. Allen misses and the Spurs look runnerish. Parker misses the corner three, but James misses in transition, then throws a hissy fit. Battier takes a three-foul on Manu, and the idea that he's angry about that is why people hate Duke. Manu with three makes and it's back to a 10-point Spurs lead. Manu's best game of the Finals by far; Popovich with the genius move to start him. Battier's corner three is a big answer; Parker makes over him. Wade right back; just great ball right now. Parker with the early 2-for-1 miss. Bosh miss and Battier gets away with a cheap no-call; again, why people hate Duke, for the surface class and the true dirt. Parker makes on a great drive at the buzzer, and that's the half. Spurs 62, Heat 51, and I have to get my kids to bed. Wee!

I get back halfway through the third as Wade cuts it to four, but Green stops James on a drive -- wow -- and Parker converts. Big swing. Chalmers misses a three, Neal does as well, and James falls heavily, prompting a Heat timeout. It says something to how well Green has played that he got away with that contact. James with the bad corner miss leading to a Parker make in transition, and Tony looks better in this second half than Game 4. Wade responds, and he's not letting up, either. Bosh with the hook over Green, just to remind everyone that he is, in fact, tall. As well as the Spurs have played, they are only up 4 in the third quarter, at home, with James not doing much yet.

An aside: if you still enjoy Adam Sandler movies, please close this browser and do not return to this site. If you like his work and mine, I might have to off myself.

Neal draws a foul on Allen; nice move. Manu can't finish, but Battier blows the three; Miami gets an absurd call on Manu with continuation, and so much for Refs Conspiring For A Longer Series. 7-0 Heat run in the Series of Runs, so Green just makes from half court. Well, not quite, but close. Wow. Manu blocks Wade, then gets lucky to avoid a turn. Manu owns Allen, and this is a throwback game for the ages for him; old-school three for the mini-run. Spurs crowd cheering "Manu!" now, for cause. 7-point lead, and a miss; Manu with Yet Another, and with 14 minutes left, the Spurs lead by 9. Allen nearly turns it, and then Bosh does, as Miami looks rattled by the Manu Revival. Miami ratchets up the defense, but Manu feeds Splitter for a layup, and wow. 11 point lead. Miami turn by Coles and Haslem, as James is once again absent. Manu misses the heat check three. James gets to the line on Diaw and Splitter, but misses one as Diaw leaves; James FT attempts are down for the series, which is what happens when you flop. Manu ends the quarter with a make, Battier misses from half court, and it's a Spurs 12-1 run, 7 by Manu, to end the quarter. Spurs Fan chants Manu; it's 87-75 Spurs, and we're 12 minutes away from Miami having to win both games in South Beach for a title. America has had worse times.

Manu misses a bad three on a worse possession. Haslem with a push off turnover; Heat supporting cast not doing much tonight. Second straight bad possession by the Spurs ends on a Splitter heave that does not draw iron; Popovich waves in the starters. James misses on Diaw; the idea that the Heat are in a game where James is this ordinary, and that James looks ordinary with 22/4, is telling. Manu Again, and he's got 22 now, with 9 assists; wow. This might be the last home game of Ginobili's Spurs career, and he's playing as well as he ever has. Spurs lead by 14 as we go to commerce, and the Heat defense at the arc? Not working.

Wade denied with no call by Duncan. Leonard hits the three, and that might be the kill shot: Spurs up 17 with 10 minutes left. James misses twice, Green once, but Duncan taps it in, and if this were a fight, it would be topped. 19 point lead for the Spurs, timeout Miami, and after 4.8 games of this series, the only thing I can tell you about these teams is that they really don't ever seem to play well at the same time.

James now 1 for his last 9, 7 for 20, and far from the best player on the floor. Diaw fouls before an inbounds with a reaction for the ages. Chalmers misses the karma free throw as ESPN plays the clip of Popovich's life: "Give them some adversity! Pound the stuffing out of them!" Leonard to the line for two makes, and it's 20 with 9 minutes left. Wade misses, and Diaw takes a terrible foul that was obvious from seconds away; Chalmers got away with one. Allen with another 4-point play on a Green foul, and the Spurs seem determined to keep this game in doubt. Chalmers takes his fifth with cause. Green with a floater, now has 21, and Allen answers with the wide-open corner three. Duncan misses on Bosh, and then slams on a Wade feed; 13 point game with 7:30 left. Miami is making this a game without James; not something they've done a lot of recently. Interesting.

The Spurs need a run to keep us from an interesting close. Manu does not drive on Miller, and Parker misses; 7 minutes left, and the Spurs look like they are trying to protect a lead. Miller's illegal screen wipes a Wade bucket off the boards. Duncan owns on a spin and bank; gorgeous. Wade makes over Duncan, and he's been their best player tonight. Manu makes over James, and the teams are trading hoops and taking time off the clock. Leonard steals one, Manu misses, but Leonard gets the board. Parker runs clock, then gets a foul on Miller, and we're not far from Garbage Time Again. 17 point Spurs lead with 5:18 left.

James to Bosh for an easy lay up. Parker makes an absurd flip. Tick, tick, tick. James with the forced turnover, and it's getting mathematically impossible. Parker drives and draws the foul on Wade, because he's smart and stuff. Spurs Fan chants MVP because that's what every local fan with a star does; one make pushes it to 18. Shock troops soon? Wade nearly turns it. Allen with a too-easy catch and 3-point play; it seems like all of his points are on continuation tonight. Parker with another make, and the Heat have no answer for his penetration tonight. James with the old-school three after an uncalled walk. Green misses a three, and then Allen makes from the corner after missing at the rim, and drama is still possible. Parker travels, and it's an 11-point game with 2:32 left. James with the moving screen wipes off a three for Allen, and there's no avoiding the goat horns for LeBron tonight. Commerce.

Spurs turn; Manu's magic may be running thin. Allen with the easy back door cut; 9 point game with 2 minutes left, and the Spurs turn it again. This would be hardcore theft for the Heat. Wade misses a dunk and goes to the line, and the Spurs haven't gotten a stop in forever. He only gets one. Parker saves them with a drive and make. James misses at the tin. Green shoots and hits the three rather than running clock, because he's a callow youth and Can Not Freaking Miss. That is your ballgame, and if there's a player in the NBA that's done more for his reputation in these playoffs than Green, I haven't seen him. He's got 25 three pointers in five games -- good grief, a new NBA Finals record -- and 24 tonight when his team needed all of them. Shock troops in, and James Jones closes the scoring. Spurs 114, Heat 104, San Antonio with 2 chances to win the series in Miami as James gets out of town like he's got to catch a bus.

Manu ends tonight with 24/10 and gets the post-game interview, and if you want to give this to him, fine... but I credit Popovich for giving Ginobili the start, which changed the whole vibe of his game tonight. Spurs Fan has, as their last memory of their 2012-13 team, their sweetest win. Game Six is Tuesday night, in what has to be considered one of the best playoffs ever. Hope you are enjoying it as much as I am.

FTT Off-Topic: Father's Day

Yes, Yes, Issues

Not sports, yada yada.

Holidays are kind of cockblocked in my house. My birthday is two weeks before Father's Day, so it seems like something of a drag to have a big deal made about you again, so close to the other date. My wife has the same issue with her birthday and Mother's Day, and our anniversary is right in the middle of our birthdays; bad planning, I know. My eldest's birthday is in late April, and the youngest's is in mid-July; there is also an unholy mess of niece and nephew birthdays on top of their dates.

And I get that this happens to everybody; life is like that, especially when you have family. Modern life requires speed, and getting over stuff. But it's still kind of hard to think too hard about this holiday, for, well, another reason.

My own father was what is referred to, politely, as a piece of work. Alcoholic, absent, abusive: he checked every box. He also died a few years ago, and no one found him for a while; it got unseemly. I met him as an adult, took his life as the proper warning and object lesson, and didn't keep contact. So we never really celebrated Father's Day in my household growing up, or ever think about it. Either as a child or as an adult.

And then you have kids, and then they make stuff for you when you are young, or buy stuff for you when you are older, and there's really no way around it; you fake it until you feel it.

For my birthday, my kids got me books from my Amazon wish list. They included "Dad Is Fat" by the comedian Jim Gaffigan, and "Someone Could Get Hurt" by the sports blogger Drew Magary. The latter is the far superior book, because Magary is far better as a writer, and willing to be brutally honest about his struggles with the role. Gaffigan's a very funny man, but Magary's pretty solid as well, and he's just hitting on more touch points.

Tomorrow, the kids will let me sleep late, but there's laundry to do and a lawn to mow. I've also got an 11:30 golf date with a good friend (and fellow dad), which will be my first chance to swing the clubs the Shooter Wife got me for my birthday. And then Ill get back to the house, open some presents, have a great dinner, put the kids to bed and catch Heat - Spurs Game Five. The kids are like their mom; they give me my space when I ask for it, and let me do what I do. Which means that I do more for them. It works out.

Father's Day didn't use to mean a thing to me. It still doesn't, not really. But every day is better now, and worse, because that's what parenting is like.