Thursday, March 26, 2015

For the Sake Of the Eagles, I'm Hoping Chip Kelly Is A Liar, Rather Than An Idiot

Baghdad Chip
The man that longtime FTT commenter Tracer Bullet calls Boy GM, today to the Eagles press mob.

"It went on for a couple weeks. We were trying to keep Nick if we could. It was just at the last second, they wanted players. We were trying to get it done with draft picks, but it didn't work out that way."
By the way, he's talking about the QB swap.

So, let's get this straight.

The Eagles signed Mark Sanchez for two years and $5.5 million, AKA more than just about every other QB2 in the league, two days before the Nick Foles / Sam Bradford deal.

They were also... trying to have both Foles *and* Bradford?

You have to think that Matt Barkley is, at this point, wondering if he should even bother showing up to camp, or if it would just be better to FedEx a package of dog droppings to Kelly's house. (And after the Tebow Circus, Matt, get a horse.) But more importantly, let's think about what this means to how the team is being built.

Instead of putting money on the offensive line, we'll put it on the RBs.

Instead of putting money into WRs, we'll put it into QBs. A lot of them.

And on the defense, we'll go all-in at LBs, shuffle the bodies in the secondary without addressing the glaring hole at safety... and spend enough of the cap on incoming free agents to put into serious jeopardy the most important job for the front office, which is locking down DL Fletcher Cox for the upcoming years when he will be Best In The NFL At What He Does, Which Is Wreck Opposing Offenses.

But getting back to Chip's Dream QB Rotation... $12mm for Bradford, $2.5mm for Sanchez, and $1.2mm for Foles, with presumably August's most entertaining position battle in years, with anything but Sanchez as QB1 being possible.

Oh, and none of them are signed for longer than Sanchez's 2-year deal. Also, with everyone in the NFL probably *still* thinking he's somehow going to swap everything for Marcus Mariota.

So not only is our man willing to spend money in ways that no other NFL franchise is willing to do, but he's also willing to have preseason and regular season contract hijinks and turmoil while he does it. Rather than just the month of FA WTFery.

Either that, or he just enjoys lying to Howard Eskin. And really, who doesn't?

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Top 10 reasons why ex-NFL player Darren Sharper may only serve 10 years in jail for raping 9 women

From the makers of "Oh, This Is Bad"

10) In Sharper's defense, he's not gay and hasn't come out in favor of paying college football players, so it's not like he's 100% monster

9) He hit people really hard back in the day, and the justice system loves them some big hits

8) Didn't rape anyone while wearing official NFL licensed apparel, so there's less damage to the "Shield" than expected, really

7) By spreading the rapes around to four states, he really got more for his rape dollar

6) He was smart enough to avoid children, animals or men, otherwise known as groups that America cares about

5) That 2009 Super Bowl ring he earned while with the Saints really helped heal the nation's psyche after Katrina

4) In comparison to Aaron Hernandez, Rae Carruth and OJ Simpson, he's small potatoes when it comes to NFL Felon

3) There's footage of him wearing pink gear during October, so that has to count for something

2) His attorney, Saul Goodman Esq., really did a hell of a job on the plea bargain

1) Sentence serves a clear and potent message to half of the nation's populace that, no, there really isn't anything changed after the Ray Rice Affair

Monday, March 23, 2015

Top 10 reasons why the NFL is suspending the blackout policy in 2015

Sooey! Here Roger! HERE PIG!
10) It's a going away present for fans of Oakland, San Diego,  Jacksonville, St. Louis and the four other franchises that are moving to Los Angeles in 2016

9) League is just giving up on the idea that going to games is for anything but old-school chumps

8) They aren't getting any of that super-sweet StubHub mark-up, so screw it

7) Just so tired of hearing Mean Old John McCain bitch and bitch and bitch about it

6) Once every ten years, without fail, the league slips up and makes a decision that's actually good for non-millionaire fans

5) With games eventually going to every game of the week anyway, blackouts are increasingly untenable

4) As soon as they fix this, everyone's going to forget about that head trauma and young guys retiring problem

3) Blackouts have impacted a whopping 5% of games in this decade, which is to say, well, a couple of dog teams that no one cares about

2) By doing this, they can totally go back to scab refs and extra games and keep pre-season games and neuter kickoffs and have super-shaky PI and overtime rules, because hey, no blackouts

1) It's a dead zone day between NCAA Tournament games, before the NBA and NHL playoffs, and by announcing this today, they can pound one more nail into the coffin that is MLB awareness

FTT Off-Topic: Time Out Of Mind

Appropriately black and white
Not sports, read or don't. It's a big Internets.

Here's something that you do not get to say very often as a Sports Blogger with the goal of making enough coin from site traffic to cash a check or six... I have not watched TV for over a week now. Probably the longest period in my life.

This is not a happy time, per se. It's not an unhappy time because of the lack of programming. It's a time where my career is changing on what seems to be a daily basis, as different contracting opportunities rise and fall, as different consumer categories and industries matter and then do not. It's a time of great uncertainty and certain needs.

I've also got a fantasy baseball draft to run and participate in this Saturday, and this is so not the time to try and eat all of that info. My defending championship team is DOA, really. Maybe if I keep the television off long enough, all of the reading I'm doing will be retained. Maybe.

Now, I've *followed* sports in that time, of course. I've read the box scores and tracked my teams, and I've taken a big wide miss on the NCAA Tournament for years now. I've thought about sports a lot, especially when trying to trick my mind out of the I HATE RUNNING mindset that my body keeps sending to my brain for the 25 miles a week that I do it. I've written about them, as the blog here shows.

But actual time spent in front of the screen, and the screen is on? None.

And man alive, I miss it, but that's just a story that I'm telling myself.

Along with the reasons why I'm not watching. I'll turn it on again when Certain Goals Are Met. I haven't been smart enough / productive enough / nice enough to justify it. I need to fill the blog first, or my corporate and consulting work. I need to get Certain Paperwork done, and I keep not getting that cleared. I'm preparing for a dark future in which cable isn't a justifiable expense, and honestly, maybe not that dark.

Facts.

Stories.

Stories about facts that we treat as facts, because that's what humans do.

Until we don't.

And the hours become days, and the days become weeks, and your life changes in ways you didn't predict.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Top 10 Proposed New NFL Rule Changes

Jay's Got The Legs For It
10) Replay after every play, because getting every call correct matters more than anything, and the visual thrill of watching a balding middle age guy stare at a screen can not be topped

9) Biker gang style beatdowns of players who retire early for fear of head injuries now get you 15 bonus yards that a coach can use when he really, really needs them

8) Some cockamamie bonus after 2-point conversion thing that the Colts came up with just to prove to the world that the Patriots do not corner the AFC market on douche-baggery

7) If any game looks like it might end in under four hours, goes into Super Extra Replay Review Mode, where the refs walk to the sidelines as if into a stiff wind

6) Fixed cameras on all boundary lines, goal posts, front row spectators and cheerleader chests

5) Coaches who challenge plays that they do not have to, like turnovers and touchdowns, to be publicly caned (subject to the league finding a cane sponsor)

4) Both teams have to get a possession in overtime, because it's just not fair to teams that don't have a defense that could stop a special needs toddler to just lose right away

3) Taunting definition to now include mean looks, unkind uses of social media pre or post game, or all that crap your wife has been saying

2) Stadium-produced video, especially if it's done by stadiums in the "right" markets, can be used for replay reviews, and never you mind about what can or can't be done with Photoshop

1) QBs to be put in special red shirts and tutus, to better represent reality, and to throw defensive players the only bone they've received in the past 40 years