Thank You, Oh Lord, For Giving Us A Regular Season NFL Game: Top 11 Stories That Can Now Go Away

Normally, we are a hidebound traditionalist about NFL Football. We want it to happen at 1 and 4pm EST on Sunday, with a single Monday Night game. All other times are stupid, irritating, screw up our pools and make us think that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, I tells ya.

Having said that, Five Tool Tool is happy to embrace our NFL Overlords in just another 12 hours or so, for the simple fact that with an actual GAME to cover, we MAY be spared any of the following items being discussed tomorrow.

Saints vs. Colts. And all I can say is, thank God the game isn't in New Orleans, because then the following list wouldn't go to 11.

1) Brett Favre's Retirement

2) Peter King's Personal Life

3) Tiki Barber's Relationship With The NY Giants

4) Gregg Easterbrook's Desire To Wank While Looking At Cheerleaders

5) John Madden's Thanksgiving Dinner Plans

6) Jimmy Johnson's Hair Regimen

7) Terrell Owens' Current Threat Level (see right; we're in Yellow)

8) Michael Vick's NFL Future

9) Pac Man Jones' Wacky / Disturbing / Self-Destructive Antics

10) New Orleans' Special Relationship With The Saints

11) NBC's Relentless Propaganda Campaign for Sunday Night Football (NO! DAMMIT! THEY GOT ME TO WRITE ABOUT THEM AGAIN!)