FTT's Newest Cast Member

Nation,

It's come to our attention that this site does not kick enough ass. To rectify the situation, we've added a third head to the FTT Hydra: the Five Tool Ninja.

To retain his effectiveness, the FTN will not collaborate with either The Truth or myself. If we've learned anything from too many weekends spent with UHF stations, it's this -- a single ninja is an unstoppable killing machine, but more than one can be beaten by asthmatic children.

The Ninja can not be bartered with, reasoned with, or found on MySpace. His identity is known only to me, his wife, their three kids, and the 40 or so people on the planet that know him.

Also, do not mock his pajamas. It is unwise.

Now, give it up for a man who kills!