Bipolar Baseball Bonanza!

Ed. Note: The first in a possible series of feel-random points from FTT's lightly medicated heart and soul superhero, Bipolar Bear! Join in the fun and agony!

> Curtis Granderson of Detroit leads MLB in triples with 12.

He's on pace for 32, which would be the second-most in a season ever, and the most since 1912. In terms of breaking the norms, would be like hitting 70 home runs!

Of course, he won't keep up this pace. This kind of thing never happens.

Much later on, he will die. We all die. And rot, and are forgotten.

> Josh Beckett is 9-0, the first time a Red Sox pitcher has won nine straight games to start the season since Clemens, and the fifth-best start in franchise history. Clemens holds the record with 14-0 in 1986.

With 20 or so starts left in the season, Beckett has a reasonable chance to have the most wins in the regular season for a Boston pitcher since, well, Clemens.

He usually gets hurt though. Blisters.

He also had an 5.01 ERA last year, which means this could all be just a mirage.

I feel cold. And my dog is sick.

> The Yankees are .500.

I guess that's OK. Or not.

> Chicago's baseball teams are a combined 55-67, and both are substantially behind in the wild-card race. The White Sox have been shut out five times, which is tied for the most in the American League.

Chicago's baseball fans must feel sad, since the team on the North Side is torturing an old man, while the team on the South Side couldn't score in Tijuana with unmarked twenties and the ability to tell girls that you only have three months to live.

But on the other hand, shutouts are nifty! They usually end quickly, which gives me more time to feed ice cream to puppies. I like puppies a lot! And they like ice cream.

If my dog dies, maybe we can get a new puppy. Yay! New puppy!

> Cleveland is atop the Central, riding high on the dominance of CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona. The two pitchers have combined for an 16-3 record, with a 3 run ERA.

Carmona's WHIP is higher than you'd like to see, and he doesn't strike many guys out... but that's OK because he's doing it with a great sinkerball. He's also never pitched this many innings before. Sabathia has, but CC struggles with weight and throws a lot of pitches this year.

The Indians haven't won the World Series since 1948, and I own Carmona in my fantasy league. He can't possibly keep this up, no one will give me anything in trade for him.

Soon, the Bush Administration will invade Iran, provoking war throughout the region, the use of nuclear weapons, rampant hyperinflation through oil instabilities, leading to martial law and an eternal Republican Presidency. Dissenters will be imprisoned, and my FTT T-Shirt will make me an ironic favorite among the other prisoners for forced sodomy.

On the other hand, my local supermarket has a buy one, get one free special on Stephen Colbert’s "Americone Dream" ice cream. That’s really good ice cream. My dog loves it. I think she’s feeling better.

> Justin Verlander of the Tigers gets a no hitter.

Dave Stewart at NBX gave the edge to the Brewers in that pitching matchup. I should give him a call. He's probably feeling very sad right now. Or happy. It's hard to tell.

> The Phillies, after not registering a shutout for the first 60 games of the year, have logged two in the last week. Adam Eaton did it last night, while Jon Lieber had a complete game gem last week in Kansas City.

Lieber dedicated the win to his new baby boy. That's really great. Maybe someday, Daddy Lieber will take his kid into his really big truck and let him sound the horn. The little guy would certainly get a thrill out of that!

When he's older, Lieber's kid will probably wonder why his dad helped to eradicate all life on the earth through his huge contribution to global warming. "Why, Daddy, why?" he'll say, his tears muffled by the gas mask that all humans will have to wear, as he surveys the hellish dystopia that will be our planet.

But hey, that's tomorrow. Today, that's a really big truck. I bet you could bring home a lot of ice cream with it.