Spurs-Cavs Game One: Well, Gosh, That Was Unexpected
A 9 point win at home for the rested Spurs, in which they were never really threatened, LeBron James was unable to get untracked, and the Cavs lone rays of sunshine were that Daniel Gibson played OK and that they avoided a lot of garbage time?
Well, shut my mouth and call me Ethel, if it ain't an absolutely true to the chalk body outline of a series that looks like a turd, smells like a turd, walks like a turd and... gosh... it's a turd.
Look, we love the NBA more than just about anyone we know. Every year, despite the growing tendency of NBA superstars to actively mock those of us who pay attention to the regular season, I scrape together an NBA fantasy league. I read the annuals. I peruse the box scores. I watch the highlights, I think the level of competition is astounding. If I had one more game to watch on this earth, it's probably be pro hoop. And even I'm having a hard time filling up the word hole with it.
Having an equally hard time showing an effort are...
> Larry Hughes and Zyrdrunas Ilgauskas, who combined for four points in 46 minutes of 2 for 13 shooting. To give this the proper perspective, that's two more points than Jacques Vaughn had.
> Cavs coach Mike Brown, who continues to save Daniel Gibson's legs for some important yardwork he's got to do in the off-season. Tonight, the Cavs' second-best scorer got 28 minutes of floor time, or five more than Leisure Time Larry.
> The ABC broadcasting tandem of Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy, who were openly trading stories of those halcyon Knicks teams of the late '90s in what passed for crunch time tonight.
> Anderson Varejo, who just didn't bring his "A" Flop Game tonight. Sure, he had 10 points, but where is the double concussion from no physical contact that we've been looking for from him and Manu? The flopping connoisseurs have higher standards than this, gentlemen. Pick it up a notch, or you are getting yellow cards.
> The Spurs' crowd, who, we suspect, is as subconsciously bored as the rest of the audience. I've heard more intimidating crowds at Little League games. You're like the Atlanta Braves crowds, only without the Tomahawk Chop.
Having said all that, we'll be back on the couch on Sunday night (So soon, NBA? Don't you want to take some more time to think about this?), for the off chance that LeBron goes into Uber Mode, or just grabs Bruce Bowen by his ankles and starts jousting with him.
But we're having a hard time telling you that you should watch, not when you might be as entertained with this...
2 comments:
dear ethel, you're an idiot.
i've made a point in life to rarely listen to anyone who feels the need to trot out their bona fides (...i read the box scores etc...).
thanks for your ill informed post which only confirms my belief.
it's become so tedious for so-called pundits to dismiss the spurs as boring. this kind of lazy pontification only demonstrates three things: 1) a follow-the-pack mentality that blindly repeats what every other clueless opinion out there 2) unoriginal thinking and 3) a sad failure to appreciate the dazzling play of manu, the steadfast power of duncan, and the stellar play of tony parker.
read this (http://www.sportsline.com/nba/story/10218805) for an alternative view of the spurs:
"You are all full of crap," he writes. "The entire country, all sports fans. Full of it. Coming out of the ears.
"Because you constantly scream about wanting to root for a true team, a selfless team, a team with players who do not chest bump or commit grand larceny. You go into apoplectic shock crowing about how the media only focuses on the negative. You whine and lament the absence of good guys in sports.
"Then come the San Antonio Spurs and you phonies yawn.
"They are boring, you say. They dumb down the NBA, you chirp. You root for LeBron Jordan because he dunks. You change the channel to The Sopranos because the pick-and-roll Spurs bore you.
"Phonies."
Gosh, Jimmy knows how to cut and paste from the site that sent him here -- which is the San Antonio newspaper's site. (Hat tip to Richard Oliver, who likes to link to things that annoy the locals. That'd be us!)
Look, Homer Myopian, you've got a great team. They're going to win in 5. Check the site -- that's my prediction.
But don't piss on our backs and tell us it's raining. The Spurs strangle teams with defense and do everything well. That may be a great team, but it's not all that much fun to watch for people who aren't rooting, either way, for the laundry.
Finally, read the blog before you decide to tell us what we're all about; you'll find a dearth of constant screaming for the return of Good Old Fashioned Teams.
If that's too hard for you, you can also go back to the pages that tell you what you want to hear -- that the Spurs are just gosh darned exciting, that having a lot of people in your zip code makes you a big and exciting city, and that clapping to "If you are happy and you know it" makes your crowd Hip and With It. Life is always easier inside an illusion.
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