FTT's Spurs-Cavs Game 2 Diary: First Quarter

9:02 -- First moment when Mark Jackson tells the Cavs they are better than that. Mark Jackson, we suspect, goes through life with much disappointment.

9:06 -- LeBron says he's going to be more aggressive. Has any NBA player ever said he was going to be less aggressive? "You know, I need to be more passive this game. Effort is so declasse."

9:07 -- LeBron goes to the glass and scores the game's first hoop. THAT'S AGGRESSION!

9:07 -- Parker responds with a wide open jumper. At some point in November, he's going to be defended by someone, and it will be a nasty shock.

9:08 -- Parker throws a pass through Lesiure Suit Larry's legs. Who had 9:08 in the pool for when the game went into GlobeTrotter mode?

9:09 -- SUPER TESTOSTERONE LEBRON drives and gets a a foul. I can taste his aggression from here! It tastes manly!

Unfortunately, he's too manly to make either of the throws.

9:10 -- Jeff van Gundy throws San Antonio under the bus. Francisco Oberto does the same to Drew Gooden. Expect both trends to continue.

9:11 -- HYPER-MANLY LEBRON sits with FOUL NUMBER TWO. Won't someone tone down his UNBELIEVABLE AGGRESSION? Meanwhile, it's 9-4 Spurs, and we might be going into garbage time. However, it does mean Daniel Gibson might actually play. Mike Brown is a coaching genius!

9:13 -- Parker, while yawning, drives past Gooden (currently working on his Mehmet Okur impersonation), gets blocked, gets the loose ball, scores, gets fouled, makes the foul, and continues to yawn. I have halfway through the third for when he pulls down Leisure Suit Larry's pants. 14-6 Spurs after, gulp, 4 minutes.

9:14 -- Parker now has 7, the Spurs are up by 10, and the second, third and fourth quarter diaries may have more to do with Shaq hanging out with fat kids than the game. Speaking of which, shouldn't Antoine Walker get a royalty from giving Shaq the idea?

9:18 -- Mike Brown goes to the dessictaed remains of Eric Snow, rather than watch Parker score 50 points. Snow is the only Cav with finals experience.

9:20 -- What will Bill Simmons' wrestling heel nickname for Bruce Bowen be today? I'm going with Bowdy Brucey Bowen. Wear the kilt! Hit someone with a coconut!

9:21 - Gooden blocked, weeps.

9:23 - Snow penetrates, someone actually comes to him, he kicks to Gibson, who hits the 3. Despite James being on the bench, it's now just a 3 point game. And yet, no Spus fan is worried. For good reason.

9:24 -- OK, there's a superhero movie in which Jessica Alba is poured into a body suit. Should the promo clip, you know, feature her for more than 1.5 seconds? Nah, show some silver metallic Eurotrash on a flying '80s skateboard. Genius!

9:27 - Stu Scott tells us Eric Snow has no ego. What a shock!

9:28 - Frankie Elson hits his mid-range jumper. In a few years, some other team is going to sign him to a Nazr Mohammed contract.

9:29 - Gooden blocked, weeps.

9:30 - We look at LeBron on the bench. He's sitting aggressively. Manu hits a 3, and we're back to 8.

9:30 -- Actually, 10. 7-0 run in the last 90 seconds. Shockingly, it seems to have coincided with Donyell Marshall's entrance into the game!

9:31 - Horry gets the announcer mouth job. Not sure that anyone from Texas wants to hear this, but he's known for more than big shots now. Honest.

9:32 - Brent Barry does what Brant Barry can do, and it's a 15-point lead. On the plus side for the Cavs, LeBron should be well rested for Game 3.

9:34 - Ilgauskas now with 5 points, or 250% more than Game 1.

9:35 - We've had our first tremendous Anderson Varejao Flop of the series, and it gets the Cavs an extra point. I feel better about this series now.

Spurs 28, Cavs 17. And now for some real excitement. I thought the hump was bad!