Friday, January 23, 2009

Top 10 reasons why the Steelers can't lose the Super Bowl

What some might call tempting the gods of Fate, I call 100% Justified Confidence. Come on, Steeler Fan, show a little faith!

10) The Steelers held top WRs to just 6.5 yards per attempt this year, so Larry Fitzgerald is not even planning on playing

9) Kurt Warner's Born Again Jebus Power is no match for Troy Polamalu's Eastern Orthodox Pray Every Play Jebus Power

8) Anquan Boldin's behavior in their last game was the very worst thing a wide receiver has ever, ever done, and there's no way the Cardinals can overcome that

7) Both Cardinals fans that were thinking of going to the game are now in jail for lawn abuse

6) The Steelers are favored by seven points, and favorites always win in the NFL Playoffs

5) After what he did to Willis McGahee, no Cardinals offensive player will be able to go within 10 yards of Ryan Clark without soiling themselves, which generally leads to more turnovers

4) Seahawks Fan will tell you, and tell you, and tell you, how the refs are totally in the tank for the Steelers in the Super Bowl

3) While the Cardinals are the home team for the game, the Steelers were 6-2 on the road

2) There's no way that the Cardinals can succeed against a team with strong blitz schemes, a good pass defense, and a quarterback that can extend plays with his feet

1) I've picked against the Cardinals for three straight playoff games now, but this time, I *really* mean it

9 comments:

Fattyslick said...

Perfectly logical!

Anonymous said...

your a fucking idiot

Anonymous said...

wow. the only thing gayer than bill simmons is a trite, cheesy wannabe

DMtShooter said...

Ah, the anonymous Deadspin commenters. How noble the mind, how gentle the spirit...

Bob Glauber said...

Hey, Bob Mantz has picked the Cards in each round this year. He crushed me 8-2 v 3-7. I'd wait until his SuperBowl Picks come out...

Anonymous said...

Wow how creative. Lame beyond words. Can't believe I just wasted 2 minutes of my life reading this garbage that would be clever for a second grader.

Gene said...

As a Steeler fan I'm am calling "anti-jinx" and reversing the karmic retribution that always follows such pre-game crowing. I respect the Cardinals and greatly admire Ken Whisenhunt and Larry Fitzgerald. So if the Football Gods are watching, we Steeler fans are humble and we stand abashed.

Vern said...

Did that many people just miss the point completely?

DMtShooter said...

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: You expected people to read beyond the headline?