Poker Spunk

OK kids, it's time for something seamy. (And if you're the guy who wrote me, I really hope you were drunk e-mailing.)

As I've written before, I host a monthly poker game in my Man Space. The game has been going for about a year now, and since I'm relatively new to the area, it's been very hard to get a full table. We've got about a half dozen semi-regulars, but I'd rather it were closer to a dozen, so that we can have a full table for Texas hold'em, which is what we play.

So after many, many months of trying to cajole friends and coworkers to make a big commute, I've started to work online boards -- Craigs List, Facebook, and a poker social page -- in the hopes of finding those last few players. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes it's been a little off. When it's the latter, we just don't invite people back. Not hard.

Now that you've got the set-up, here's the seamy.

I get an email from a guy asking if he join the game and bring his girlfriend.

I say that's OK, so long as you don't sit next to each other. (We had a couple of guys who might have been mechanics one night. It wasn't absolutely clear, but we didn't invite them back. Ah, the joy of house games.)

He replies:

> Sounds pretty good. Not 100% positive she will be down with the gambling but maybe. Would be more for fun for us. So hopefully the bets would be kept small. I would have to tell her I knew you in advance since she would think meeting someone off here is crazy. But im sure we could come up with something on that end.

> Are the guys all cool and respectful. I mean I know if she is the only girl and everyone is drinking guys will be looking at her checking her out and flirting that's cool with me long as everyone's cool.

I say, sure, we've got wives and kids, we're mostly harmless. (Yeah, I know, I'm lying. But not too badly.) He replies:

> Oh ok sounds good. As I said I know she will get checked out being the only girl and she is a flirt who shows cleavage so im sure she will be flirting. Dirty language is not a problem she wouldn't care about that at all. I would only drink a beer or 2 she might drink more, she likes mixed drinks and we would bring what she needed.

> I think it will be easy for me to come up with something to tell her as far as how we met.

I'm getting a little put off at this point, in that I like to play cards rather than soap opera, but I reply and give him a little more rope. He uses it.

> so your right in [place withheld]? and she can sit across from me right.

> guys ever talk sex at the table?

I didn't reply at that point, as I'm pretty sure he's trying to fulfill some kind of kink, and don't really want to wash up his spunk.

My regulars, of course, are wildly in favor of having them over... because, being guys, they are convinced that she's a hot stripper. You have to admire their optimism, right?