Top 10 NFL playoff broadast rules

10. No one may, under threat of immediate execution, comment on how the game has been affected by all of the extra commercial breaks

9. If the game is a low-scoring tie after the first quarter, it must be compared to the early rounds of a heavyweight fight

8. No matter how bad the performance of the losing coach, the announcers must perform a prolonged mouth job over the job he did this year, because this game is somehow not part of the year

7. When a ball carrier is stopped just short of the first down marker, the announcer has to guess whether he made it, rather than, well, wait 15 seconds for the actual outcome

6. Unless the quarterback screams like a 12-year-old girl while soiling himself, every ball that is intentionally thrown out of bounds will be praised as Very, Very Smart, rather than stupid or cowardly

5. Any offensive lineman from a road team that jumps offside is doing so because of the trememendous crowd noise, which they could not possibly be expected to contend with, given that no one could have guessed that the home team's fans were going to make noise

4. Whatever the coach told the announcers before the game was very interesting and completely relevant to what is happening in the game

3. Any old veteran on the losing side in the fourth quarter must be lauded for his leadership skills

2. If the game is close during the fourth quarter, it must be praised and hyped, or else it will turn boring out of spite

1. No matter what is going on in the game, we need to have input from someone with a microphone on the sideline, other people who brought signs to the game, and, last but not least, people dressed in clothing that could not be chosen while sober