Blogrolling: I Am Veto Vomiting. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I am Veto Vomiting, and the Five Tool Ninja is Balls Horror. Who are you?

Back to back Blogrollings with Punch Out stories? You bet your body blow.

Some small, mean part of me is very, very happy to know that NASCAR Fan has to suffer with even more regrettable Fox animation than we do in the NFL. East Coast Bias with the story.



I'm just including this here to make Dirty Davey's head explode over how a Dookie will never, ever be called for traveling. On the plus side, Scheyer must be amazing on the dance floor with all of his teammates, and that's even before the poe dancer presses charges. (Oh, I'm so unfair to Dookies! Please, for the love of Coach K, throw me into the brier patch of links from Duke sites!)

Jim Bowden, the mostly incompetent GM of your Washington Nationals (well, they certainly aren't mine), decides to resign rather than be a distraction for an investigation of how he's been skimming money from the club on Dominican signings. What a selfless resignation! What a great guy! What an utter load of horse manure! Biz of Baseball has the sword fall, but, um, Jim? Innocent people don't quit over allegations.

Here's An Idea: Lose Over Half Of Your On-Air "Talent"

In a shocking development, Fox is looking to -- get this -- cut some production costs on sports.

Fox Sports chairman David Hill confirmed during a conference call ahead of this weekend's Daytona 500 festivities that the network has done some trimming behind the scenes. And it's not just in the NASCAR telecasts; Hill said that the past year and a half has been one where Fox Sports has been looking "minutely at every one of our productions," and that includes the NFL and MLB on Fox.

Travel costs have been cut back and deals with vendors -- when it comes to power, catering and mobile production units -- have been renegotiated. Fox Sports has cut by a day the time that it takes to build its compound. And it has partnered with ESPN to save costs, with the networks hiring the same technicians who work Saturday at Daytona for ESPN and then Sunday for Fox Sports. In the past, there would have been two teams of technicians.

See, kids, the worst economy in our lifetime (assuming you aren't in your low 80s) *does* have a bright side!

Top 10 NFL playoff broadast rules

10. No one may, under threat of immediate execution, comment on how the game has been affected by all of the extra commercial breaks

9. If the game is a low-scoring tie after the first quarter, it must be compared to the early rounds of a heavyweight fight

8. No matter how bad the performance of the losing coach, the announcers must perform a prolonged mouth job over the job he did this year, because this game is somehow not part of the year

7. When a ball carrier is stopped just short of the first down marker, the announcer has to guess whether he made it, rather than, well, wait 15 seconds for the actual outcome

6. Unless the quarterback screams like a 12-year-old girl while soiling himself, every ball that is intentionally thrown out of bounds will be praised as Very, Very Smart, rather than stupid or cowardly

5. Any offensive lineman from a road team that jumps offside is doing so because of the trememendous crowd noise, which they could not possibly be expected to contend with, given that no one could have guessed that the home team's fans were going to make noise

4. Whatever the coach told the announcers before the game was very interesting and completely relevant to what is happening in the game

3. Any old veteran on the losing side in the fourth quarter must be lauded for his leadership skills

2. If the game is close during the fourth quarter, it must be praised and hyped, or else it will turn boring out of spite

1. No matter what is going on in the game, we need to have input from someone with a microphone on the sideline, other people who brought signs to the game, and, last but not least, people dressed in clothing that could not be chosen while sober

Eagles-Vikings Live Blogging: Second Quarter Goodness

> Down 6-0 at home, Buck and Aikman are praising Tarv. Words fail, really.

> Quarter starts with ordinary kickoff return yardage and a Trevor Laws false start penalty that negates another good run stop on Peterson. First and five has Tarv throwing it away from pressure, and it was from the entire line; encouraging. Taylor is winched down by Mikell for a yard loss, and we're looking at third and six. Can they get the three and out? Nope, as Tarv makes a genuinely good throw to Rice over Sheldon Brown. Damn.

> First down goes to Shiancoe on the right, easy throw and catch for 7 yards. Second down is a deep ball to Berrian that had no chance due to good coverage; a younger Dawkins might have made that catch, but it would have been a great play. Second third down of the drive has Tarv missing from the gun, but we get one of those five seconds late flags on Brown that makes me lose a little more hair. The Vikings have the first down at the Eagles 48.

> Deep toss to AP gets six on the right, his best carry of the day -- he's now at 5 carries for 8 yards. Vikings are getting a pretty big pulse here from the defense not getting off the field on the earlier third downs. Second down has AP for 2 up the middle, and Asante Samuel is down, which is highly worrisome, given that he was questionable before the game and looks utterly done right now. Berrian gets scarier without Samuel, and the way he looks right now, he's not looking very likely to return anytime before next year. Ouch.

> After Samuel goes off, Peterson takes it to the house on a play where the only person who could have tackled him was the umpire. Crap, crap, crap. The point after makes it 7-6 Vikings, and that was just about the worst thing that could have happened there.

> Dawkins is shown yelling on the sideline, as you might imagine he might be doing. Demps takes the kickoff back to the 28. Eric Bienemy is the Vikings RB coach. Damn you, Bienemy, for making me remember the Bobby Hoying Era once again! Years of therapy for nothing!

> Westbrook for nothing to the right, and more commerce happens after a Viking injury. We're at the hour-plus mark for less than 20 minutes of actual play. I heart the NFL!

> McNabb is sharp today, and hits Curtis with a perfect ball for 11; he was in no way open on the slant. An out ball to Jackson is uncalled PI, as Aikman credits him for the jump. I guess it is a good play if it's not called. Have I mentioned how much I hate Fox? The Vikings take another timeout on defense, and this game might take five hours. Seriously, I'm not sure why I don't just DVR these games and retain my sanity.

> On second and 10, from the gun, McNabb has all day and settles for Avant on the right for five. He also telegraphed it, but without a problem. A big third down here to keep some momentum, and Jackson is wide open for a right-side fly route for 34 yards. If McNabb is going to be this sharp all day, the home team is in trouble.

> Bdub to the right for three; a little more room there, but he goes down on first contact again. An inside handoff from the gun does better, and it's third and 2 from the 14. But on the third down, Curtis slips on the goal line, and the Eagles settle for Akers connecting from 31 yards. 9-7 Eagles, but there's points being left on the table here, and it's worrisome.

> Maurice Hicks shrugs off an Omar Geither hit on special teams to start his team from the 29. Big series here, and Peterson starts it with a 6 yard gain up the middle; he's starting to find a lot more room with less penetration. Samuel returns, and Jim Kleinsasser can't corral a short middle pass. Third and four, and I'm still dreaming of a three and out today. Can we get one here? Nope, because Samuel jumps a ball to Rice for the TAINt. Woo hoo! Tarv had pressure there, but it was a terrible ball, and Chris Clemons launched Tarv at the close of the play. The Eagles draw a 15 yarder for excessive celebration, which seems to always happen when the defense scores, and just that fast, it's 16-7, Eagles. Samuel makes the free agent contract look fantastic, and that's on a bad hip, too. Wow, wow, wow.

> Hicks brings back the extra-long kickoff to the 35, and the defense has to come right back and see if they can make this one have Less Drama, Please. Peterson to the right for a loss of a yard as the Eagles are running three safeties on obvious running situations. AP gets five, all of it after initial contact, and with 5:30 left in the quarter, it's another very big play to see if they can get off the field and keep momentum... and Sheldon Brown makes a terrible play in coverage, giving Berrian an extra 20 yards in RAC. Aikman praises Brown's coverage there. Words fail, really. If the Eagles have been able to get any kind of traction on third down, this game would be a rout.

> AP to the right nothing; more line penetration. Tarv hits Wade to move the sticks; damn. Taylor gets 8 and the Vikings are very close to answering the touchdown with one of their own. On second and 2, Taylor sets up first and goal at the six, and at the two minute warning, Minny has already ran for 100 yards on the day.

> Taylor to the 3 on first, and Reid takes his first timeout of the day (!) to save time for the offense. Who are you, and what have you done with our non-beloved Fat Man? AP then gets his second of the day on an easy one to the left, and the run defense is really starting to become worrisome. Up 9, you had to know that was what they wanted to do, and the defense couldn't stop it. If the offense doesn't start scoring touchdowns instead of field goals, this could suck hard. Eagles 16, Vikings 14, with 1:51 left and two timeouts. Hope you had the over.

> Demps fakes the reverse and takes it to the 25. A lot on McNabb here to turn the momentum back. From the gun on first, he finds Avant for 13 to the right, and Fox reports that Darren Sharper looks done. Useful. A questionable run call in the two minute drill leads to the second time out and no gain. That was as bad as a sack, really, and having seen the Niners and Giants game, I don't want to see a last-play field goal attempt.

> Celek for 10 with the clock running, but on third and 1, McNabb goes deep for Curtis and gets picked. Indefensible play call given the down and distance, and Curtis was in no way open. A simple sneak moves the chains and keeps the promise of points alive, and instead, turnover. Good grief.

> Taylor stopped on first down and the Vikings should let the clock run after the arm punt. Tarv makes things more interesting with an incompletion. Eagles still have a timeout and the Vikings do have terrible punt coverage, so this might not be meaningless. With 29 seconds left in the half, Taylor is tackled for their first three and out of the game, and Childress has learned well from the feet of the master. Wow.

> Jackson gets it back to the Eagles 44. Eighteen seconds left, so there's a chance. McNabb to Westbrook for a quick nine yards that only took five seconds; useful. Second down has McNabb missing Westbrook from short range, and there's eight seconds left. That didn't help. On third down, Westbrook can't get out of bounds, and that's it. Guh. Eagles 16, Vikings 14, and I think both teams fans are reaching for something at this point. Back after the half.

Ravens-Dolphins Live Blogging: Second Half Goodness

> Something you don't hear enough: NFL punting is pretty astounding now. Between the Chargers and Ravens, we've seen some simply amazing punting this weekend. A big point in a good defensive team, really.

> With Simms preaching Caution! Caution! You could lose the game you are already losing!, the Dolphins choose to run on third and long, and put it on the ground anyway. Be more careful with your losing, Miami!

> LaRon McClain follows it up with a touchdown burst, and I can hear Chris Berman's Sarah Palin impersonation already. 20-3 Ravens, the same score as the last time these teams met in the playoffs, and I give the Dolphins one chance in a hundred to come back in this game. Note -- that isn't win, that's just to come back. This game is forkable, and I guess the Ravens can beat playoff teams. Now that the Eagles have made it, this will make two.

> Patrick Cobbs falls on what could have been a bigger kickoff return, and the reaction shot is of Bill Parcells in the skybox. Who will spend an ungodly amount of money to bring in the Tuna for a rousing run to slightly better than .500? Because that's what he does now, kids...

> The Dolphins construct a drive on rhythm short passes to the backs and Ted Ginn Jr., and it's hard to imagine they can do this long enough to get all of the points back, but it is, at least, moving the sticks. Simms then talks about how it's good for an offense to stay on the field. I'm waiting for him to tell me how breathing air is also a good idea... and Ed Reed, naturally, ends the eight straight completions with Yet Another Huge Play, along with Pennington's fourth pick of the day. That fork just got a lot bigger, and Simms hasn't revisited the Chad For MVP motif.

> With 14:30 left, Davone Bess breaks many ankles and sets the Dolphins up for a first and goal at the five; he's really the only Dolphins offensive player to impress today. Will the fourth quarter have some drama? Ronnie Brown gets it to the 2 on a swing pass, and then catches a much harder one to the left for the touchdown. We still have a game... and then the Ravens defense blocks the point after, which could be huge if this game gets tighter. 20-11, Ravens.

> A three and out, with two incomplete long balls where the receiver was open, follows. Curious playcalling there by the Ravens, who showed confidence in trying to go for the knockout blow, but took no time off the clock. I don't think it's going to wind up costing them the game -- I still have no confidence in the Fish Offence to make up this much grounds -- but they certainly are leaving the door open.

> First play after the punt has Chad Pennington going deep over the middle, in the vicinity of Ed Reed. Miraculously, he doesn't intercept it. If I'm Pennington, I think I try to avoid him, really.

> Chains move on a crossing route, and Pennington scrambles to an outlet for another 10. The Chadster now has 223 yards with his 4 picks and 1 TD; another 100 yards and 2 TDs, and he'll be an MVP again. Ravens starting to look winded, and the Fish move the chains again on a Ricky Williams run.

> Simms, with 9:25 on the clock, advocates the field goal, because we all know that converting a 2-point play is just easy. I can only assume that he's speaking at a frequency that only I can hear.

> Ginn takes a 20-yard loss with a reverse handoff. The 3rd and 25 is just field goal posturing, and they don't even get that, as Ginn can't stay down. With 7:46 left, that might be the last meaningful play of the game.

> Lo Neal converts on a third down play, and we're in Clock Killing Time. Baltimore will win this game with their QB going 9 for 22 for 134 yards, which is to say, without any real need of a QB. I apologize in advance, Steeler Fans, for the fact that I'm going to pick them to take out the Chargers...

> Willis McGahee, who I still assert is terrible, breaks a long run to ice it, and there's not going to be much more to say about this one. 0-3 in playoff picks, baby! Eagles are a lock!

> Flacco ices it with a 5-yard QB draw, and it's 27-9. The only drama left in this one is if the Ravens will throw a prevent defense that prevents the under bet from covering. I'm thinking no.

> CBS flashes the "Shaun King and Big Ben" graphic of rookie QBs who won their first playoff game. Neither of those clubs won it all, and Raven Fan is really hoping for more than Shaun King's career, of course.

> This is how lame celebration buckets have become; we now have shots of it happening significantly ahead of the actual act. I told you that the second half would be boring, right?

Ravens 27, Dolphins 9 is your final... and we'll be back for a distressingly scrutinized running blog for Eagles-Vikings in 30 minutes. I'm sorry, kids, but Papa Shooter doesn't get paid enough for the Fox bridge show, especially after Fox made my awful Red America song prediction come true with a free style rap and their stupid freaking robots. See you later.

That's What I Call A Win-Win

The Philadelphia Phillies may have won the World Series, but less people actually saw their victory. Fox's baseball coverage drew the lowest ratings since Nielsen Co. began tracking the audience 40 years ago. The five-game series, won by the Phillies 4-1 over the Tampa Bay Rays, drew an average rating of 8.4. The lowest previous rating was 10.6 in 2006, reports Bloomberg. Fox blamed poor weather as a factor.

In that Fox and Bud Selig suffered, and Philly Fan can keep their trademark "No one likes us" attytood. (Boston Fan, you might want to take note of this. You'll be less annoying that way.)

ORLOVSKY! SCHUAB! IT'S ALL ON FOX!

Next week on Fox, here are their late games...

Detroit at Houston

Yup, that's the only one. The other three are all with CBS.

Let's just say that they aren't loving the week. Especially now that the Texans finally broke through and prevented the peculiar fascination of Which Team Can Keep The Winless Season Dream Alive storyline going...

One Teeny Tiny Point About McCarver v. Manny

Independent of the merits of what McCarver said, perhaps this man should not, how shall we say, be working in television?

Epic Drop: Top 10 Reasons Why Kerry Wood Flashed The Old Double Hi Sign

Your link is here, and really, it was fantastic timing on the part of Fox.. but I thought that all telecasts had a seven second delay now, to prevent this kind of thing? I smell a highly lucrative class-action lawsuit from everyone who had their children's development eternally scarred by this. Gimme gimme!

Because I don't hate Fox enough

Yes, Fox has added Michael Strahan to their braying jackass studio show, and I know that shouldn't matter, because that's why remotes have mute buttons, and I have hands to stick over my eyes and in my ears.

However, I'm really not that mad. After all, with Tiki Barber going to some third-rate cable show to discuss omelettes, I'm pretty sure that this is just Strahan's way station until he's off to some cooking show, reality wankathon or porno...

Pre-Game Notes

Video's words are NSFW... but that don't matter, just don't bite it. Consider it a tribute to Terry Bradshaw's piece with Tom Brady.

Breaking longstanding sanity and tradition, I tune in 45 minutes early and learn...

1) There's a special episode of "House" on after the game. It's the one where a onetime "Black Adder" character actor overacts, and people nearly die! (Note: I have never watched "House", but I'm pretty sure I just summarized all of them.)

2) The Fox robot is carrying the SB trophy. Woo, topical!

3) In pre-game, Tom Brady was a dick to Eli Manning. I am shocked, shocked, to discover a Patriots player behaving with less than perfect sportsmanship.

4) Terry Bradshaw loves him some Tom Brady. The phrase "mouth job" doesn't even begin to describe that experience. But Brady's bastard son won't be at the game, because he hates him. (OK, I made that last part up. No, really.)

5) If Brady wins tonight, it's just him, Bradshaw and Montana with four rings. And, um, not to be an old mean person and all... but you give me a choice of those three guys, I take Montana every time, and I win 7 out of 10 games. Because while Brady's been good in the SB, he hasn't been great... and here's the proof. Adam Vinateri.

Top Secret Fox Sports Memo

To: Tony Siragusa

From: Your Producer

Sometimes we will ask you to look at the action near the sideline and report back to us on what is going on.

Because we are a television network, when something interesting happens we often want to provide some video footage to go along with your distinguished commentary.

To provide this footage, we use a device called a "video camera".

When we send you to look at action near the sideline, please look for our video camera operator and avoid positioning yourself between the video camera and the action. Take particular care in this matter when you are facing towards the action and away from the camera.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Eagles-Saints thoughts

Confirmation Code: GNMBMVF16370781

There is no reason for Eagles fans to feel disappointed.

The team played a short week against a team with a bye, in a dome. They did so without their best offensive player (McNabb), their best DL (Kearse), and their best CB (Sheppard).

They went 6-1 in their division. They made it to the final 8, after looking like the worst team in football in late November. A three point loss on the road is nothing to be ashamed of.

And yet... how do you go for it on 4th and 10, but punt on 4th and 15?

And how do you, year after year, get killed by your inability to stop the run? (Don’t believe me? Go look at Corey Dillon in the Super Bowl. Or the Panther loss, or the Buc loss, or Marshall Faulk saving the Rams…)

And why, no matter who the QB is, can't the offense ever show up in the first quarter?

I love Andy Reid. He's the best coach in the history of the franchise. This has been the best time ever to be an Eagles fan -- 6 division titles in the last 7 years, a bunch of playoff wins, and they’ve made the division their bitch. They've given us a lot to love.

But oh, man, they're frustrating.

A few more specific points from tonight’s game…

1) Let's make this the last game for Dhani Jones in Eagles green. Andy, if you're going to raid the division for FA talent, hit Washington first. They never notice when their young players are good. The Giants do. (Don’t believe me? Consider one William James, nee Peterson.)

2) Nice moment for Fox when they show a female fan wearing a profane shirt. Oh well, it wasn't a nipple, so I guess Joe Buck and Congress won't soil themselves in indignation, and I somehow doubt the FCC fine will be that intense. (Clip used to be up on YouTube, but isn't now. Conspiracy!)

3) In baseball, they call it the shut-down inning: when your offense gives you runs, your pitcher has to go out and get 3 outs. The Eagles D was terrible in those situations tonight, and it’s why they lost.

4) I'm probably in the minority on this, but Reggie Bush still looks overrated to me. Sure, he's got moves, but not so much power, can be muscled at the line in coverage, and is loose with the ball. He's got a ways to go before he's Barry Sanders, folks. Right now, he’s just a bigger Warrick Dunn – good, not astounding.

5) I guess I'm rooting for the Saints now, but those CBs bite more on double moves than Anne Heche. (Andy Dick? Tallulah Bankhead? You could go a lot of ways with this one.)

6) Brian Dawkins was great this year. He wasn't tonight. Tight ends that aren’t good enough to stay with the Houston Texans (that'd be Billy Miller) should not be a factor against a great safety.

7) Anyone else notice Moose Johnson and Tony Siragusa achieving orgasm on the McAllister touchdown, after he faked out Jeremiah Trotter? Very professional, Fox. And by the way, go screw yourselves.

8) Sweet play by the Saints punter to get the first late in the half... but if Shawn Barber makes the play, or anyone else on the coverage team notices the lack of punt sound, the Eagles get the ball with 30 seconds left in the half at mid-field. The possible 3 points might've come in handy.

9) I love Brian Westbrook; it was nice to finally see him get love at the goal line in the last few games this year. I wouldn’t mind seeing a big back for those situations, but that’s not really concerns me. It's just not a good sign when he's returning punts.

The Eagles need to upgrade the returner position with someone who actually has the ability to break one. They haven't had a quality return situation since JR Reed in the Super Bowl, 2 years ago. Reno Mahe doesn’t cut it, guys. At least try Ryan Moats back there next year, and see if he can put his quicks to use.

10) Sean Payton's done a great job this year, but the play call with the flip to Bush with 3 minutes left was insane. I'm continually amazed at how so many NFL coaches refuse to stay with something (McAllister up the gut) that the opponent isn't stopping. It's like everyone is trying to win the game and style points. Bush is a goat for whiffing, but there's no reason to make that play call.