Showing posts with label nfl playoffs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nfl playoffs. Show all posts

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Picks filled with spite

Go to Shooter if you want a rational evaluation of the relative strengths and weaknesses of the playoff teams. I'm just here for the hate.

Eagles: My status as an adopted Philadelphian made this an obvious pick, but, frankly, Dallas can go to hell. The Cowboys are everything that's wrong with America. Tacky, loud, nouveau riche, possessed of a wholly undeserved sense of accomplishment and entitlement. When unwashed crazy men fall asleep in 20-degree caves outside of Fallujah, they're dreaming of blowing up Skeletor Jones' colossal monument to his own ego. The Cowboys embody every Ugly American stereotype. They're rude, stupid and loud. Their quarterback is Gomer Pyle, their no. 1 WR reacts to every six-yard completion as if he's discovered the secret to eternal youth is buried in Salma Hayek's ass. I don't want them to lose. I want them to defiled, destroyed and defenestrated. I want their children embarrassed to say their fathers played in Saturday's game. I hate, HAAAAAATE Dallas.

Jets: The Bengals will almost certainly win this game, but my brother is a Bengals fan and I never want him to ever experience joy.

Packers: Not only is Green Bay playing good football, the Cardinals deserve humiliation. They keep slipping into the playoffs by winning the worst division in football and if the 49ers had anything approaching competent quarterbacking, the Cardinals wouldn't even be able to claim that minimal level of success. Plus, the Bidwells are cheap and stupid, the worst owners this side of Jim Dolan. They cheated the Posttsville Maroons out of their right title and until they make it right, let their children know nothing but tears.

Ravens: I can't stand either of these teams. On one side you have a team lead by God's Own (diving on the pile 8-yards downfield) Linebacker and the son of a Bulgarian Customs inspector who still lives with his parents even though he's a millionaire at QB. On the other, you've got the Pride of White America. The fans of both teams are insufferable in victory and in defeat, but "The Wire" was better than "Spencer: For Hire" and the puling of Boston pukes complaining about how their beloved "Football Celtics" were cheated keeps me warm at night.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Top 10 ways to pick at the festering scab that is the Eagles loss

No, kids, I'm still not over it 24 hours later, and probably won't be for another week or so. Won't you wallow with me?

10) Local sports radio. I don't have enough courage to wade into the dregs of humanity working through their stages of grief by listening live, but you might. Don't say I didn't warn you.

9) Play by play recreations. My favorite is when Tim Hightower runs 15 yards behind his line of scrimmage on a fourth and one, before turning it upfield for the conversion. Had someone stopped him -- and yes, there were possibilities -- a red-hot offense has the ball at midfield with a chance to put it on ice. Yes, it was something of a Turning Point.

8) Listening to the Bad Tooth's podcast. Shockingly, Little William doesn't want to go to the SB, because he's having too good of a time driving around SoCal, isn't ready to subject himself to the indignities of Tampa, and, let's face it, he's just not that into it unless the Patriots are there. He's also still crying over his second-round playoff losses in a way that can only be described as Hellmuthian. Someone, please, go take out Matt Cassel's knee on a borderline late hit. It's necessary.

A moment of honesty about his overwhelming obnoxiousness is all that I ask. That, and smashing his own head in with a hammer. DO IT, BILLY. DO IT...

7) Game by game breakdowns of the Eagles season to show how easily it would have been to get home-field for the championship game, because I'm really not feeling the Cardinals winning that game on the road, in cold weather.

Here, let me do it for you: beat the Bengals, get past the Redskins and/or edge those ferocious Kyle Orton Bears. Voila, you've knocked the Giants out of the top spot in the East, and you host the game. It's fun!

6) Obsess over how bad the offensive line will be in 2009
without Jon Runyan, Tra Thomas and (shh!) Shawn Andrews. Donovan McNabb might not want to be back.

5) Become convinced that the 2009 schedule will be deadly
, since the AFC West has to come back big next year, right?

4) Read all of the various game accounts in the local papers. You think Philly Fan is bitter? Think about the plight of Philly Sportswriter, who gets another year of No Quote Andy and the I Have To Coach Better Players. They might be the only people in Philadelphia who long for more of That Cowboy Feel.

3) Listening to Andy Reid's defenders. Since this 9-win team made it to the Final Four, everything has to be the same as this year... despite the fact that he traded for the worthless Lorenzo Booker, continues to employ Greg Lewis for no good reason, can't run the ball even when it's working, made LJ Smith a franchise player, should not be given a challenge flag along the same lines as taking away an Alzheimer sufferer's car keys, and... well, I'd continue here, but lists should not be novels. Moving on.

2) Listening to Donovan McNabb's detractors. 375 yards and 3 touchdowns on the road. A 19-point comeback with no running plays of note. OK, he's not perfect, but for heaven's sake... he's not the guy who didn't cover Larry Fitzgerald. That's Asante Samuel. He's not the guy that didn't make the running play stop on Hightower that could have sealed it. That's Quentin Mikell and Brian Dawkins. He's not the numbnuts who late hits Warner to give the Cardinals a gift field goal before the half. That's Quentin Demps. He's not the guy that missed a field goal and a PAT. That's David Akers. He's not the guy who slips on the fourth down throw and can't catch a perfect ball. That's Kevin Curtis.

Seriously, people, get a grip. Number Five isn't perfect, but he's the best player on the team. And when he leaves -- not Reid, McNabb -- this team is below .500.

1) Comparing the pain of this loss
to the NFC Championship losses to the Rams, Panthers or Buccaneers, or the SB loss to the Patriots. What agony is your favorite? For sheer bloodcurdling madness, I think I'd go with the Buccaneers, but each, really, has its charms.

And with that, I'm going back to the liquor cabinet. Play me out, Bob...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Top 11 Consolations for Eagles Fan

Yes, I'm feeling the pain, folks. But if you don't take it, you can never dish it out.

11) The Super Bowl is in Florida, and you know how Donovan McNabb goes all Chunky Soup in Sunshine State Super Bowls (unfortunately, 2010 is in Miami)

10) After this game, David Akers has only three or four last straws

9) If they had won it all, Brian Dawkins might have retired, rather than in some other game where he's not a factor

8) More Brenda Warner on screen time means that the entire world will share our pain

7) By making it to the Final 4, you get one more year, at least, of the Don n' Andy Show. That's a consolation, right?

6) If today didn't settle the Brent Celek / LJ Smith tight end position battle, nothing ever will

5) Buffalo Bills Fan still had it worse

4) It was a pretty close game for a team that only played for a half

3) Giants, Cowboys and Redskins Fan are happier today, but by no means happy

2) You didn't really want your championship to come from a 9-6-1 team that got in by the skin of its teeth, did you?

1) The Steelers would have taken them apart anyway

Top 10 Super Bowl Stories I'd Like To See

Let the hype begin! Media members, consider this a public service of stories for you to pitch to your corporate overlords in the next few days. I'm a giver.

10) A deity-by-deity breakdown showing which teams the major world gods are supporting

9) What's involved in Matt Leinart's game preparation

8) How the Cowboys will get press coverage this time

7) Heart-wrenching profiles of prop bet only problem gamblers

6) How a company that didn't advertise in the Super Bowl telecast did better, since they were able to spend millions of dollars in a more useful way than 30 seconds of trying to amuse people

5) That some musician that's playing the event isn't actually any kind of a football fan

4) How a region doesn't really improve when their town wins, since I'm pretty sure that Pittsburgh's turnaround had more to do with Carnegie-Mellon than Bill Cowher

3) A telling piece on how many of our Armed Forces overseas don't care that much, because they (a) aren't Steeler or Cardinals Fans, and (b) just want to go the hell home

2) That Troy Polamalu and Adrian Wilson have a side bet on how many concussions they can deal out

1) How the Steelers don't even remember that Ken Whisenhunt was on their staff, since his contribution was so marginal

Steelers-Ravens Notes

Seven quick points from a game that might not have been as dull as dishwater, but given that I watched it after that deluxe turdburger, you can see why I wasn't too into it...

> The Steelers go to their 7th Super Bowl, the second-most in NFL history (Dallas, 8). They are also going to win. And I'd be picking it that way even if my Eagles had held on in the desert. Pittsburgh just has more talent, and a defense that has been too good to lose.

> The Ravens fought with honor, but the simple reality is that they needed Flacco to be Ben today, and that's just not something he could do. Maybe in a year, maybe or 2 or 3 years, but not today. And especially not with a roster where his best WR is 35 and undersized, and his second best WR is his TE. If I were Jim Harbuagh, I'd have tried Ray Rice in the slot. A long time ago.

> It would help much, of course, if Hines Ward is hale and hearty for the SB, and the fact that he was seen in the post-game interviews bodes well for that. Having the bye week will help.

> Has a team ever cut a punter in the Super Bowl bye week? Mitch Berger is horrible, and the only weak link on this Pittsburgh team. With just average punting today, I wouldn't have had to sweat out the cover late.

> Pittsburgh really didn't run the ball all that well today, and they will look at the tape from today's early game and have drool control problems with how many WRs were open against the Cardinals secondary. It is, of course, the way to get into a wide-open game, which is not the game you want to play with Warner and Fitzgerald. The key is to limit his possessions, really.

> Can we, finally, put to bed the idea that it's hard to beat a team three times in a season? Pittsburgh made it 12 of 19 today. Enough.

> With the win, Ben moves back ahead of Tom Brady in the whole Who's Going To Have The Best Career of this generation of QBs, especially since Brady's status is so up in the air right now. Ben's ability to keep a play alive today was just remarkable, and his size is also a problem. There were too many times in today's game when Raven players seemed to want to go for the ball, rather than the man... and that's not just because the ball is more valuable. They wanted no part of him, and the Cardinals aren't going to, either.

Steelers-Ravens Live Blog: AFC Championship

Closing Time

Seven quick thoughts as we prepare for the nightcap game that will determine the winning team in the Super Bowl...

> Larry Freaking Fitzgerald is now the most productive WR in single-season NFL playoff history. And that's why Giants Fan is still bitter, because Plax Burress does the same thing to the Eagles that Larry just did, albeit not quite so graphically.

> Some will want to roast Donovan McNabb for this one, and yes, he could have been a lot more accurate early and on the last real drive. But he led an offense that scored 25 points on the road, and had a lead in the fourth quarter. I'd say 80% of the failure here today was on the defense, the unit that gave you the most confidence into the game.

> Oh, and David Akers? Dead to me. DEAD.

> For any Eagles Fan that wants to decry individual plays, the fact is that if the refs call the Cards' quasi-fake kickoff correctly, or if DeSean Jackson doesn't force a fumble on the first half pick, the game is too far out of reach to even have drama late. You can't fall down by 18 on the road and make any mistake.

> Can you name a single Eagles' defensive player that played well today? Maybe Abimiri and Trent Cole, but those are both maybes. For the Cards, Adrian Wilson finally made the bright lights. He's good, folks.

> You'd like to take the Non-Spoiled Rotten Fan view here. Five championship games in eight years is pretty great. Winning on the road is tough, no matter who the opponent is. Larry Fitzgerald was just not to be denied.

But dammit, we're all back to where we were in November... wondering if this team will ever be anything more than an exceptionally cruel tease. Wondering why Andy Reid is so good coming off a bye week, and so bad in a championship. Wondering why the LBs can never come through in a big game, or why the play-calling has to be so pass-wacky (47 to 18, though Don did have 375 yards and 3 TDs today) all the time.

Wondering, in short, why they have to be so damned inconsistent. Erratic. Maddening.

So, um, folks? Final Four ain't good enough, not that anyone else will come in and do any better. If you lose Reid and McNabb, you are in single-digit wins and no championship... which is, well, what they did this year, too. Maybe they finally break through next year, but if there's an Eagle Fan out there that will tell you that they were satisfied by this year, or confident about next...

Well, I'd love to be that guy. But I'm not, not anymore. So, final point...

> Resign, Fat Man. (In 2010, after you choke another one.)

NFC Championship Actually Live Blog: Eagles v. Cardinals



Share and enjoy...

Today

Only seven QBs have started in more playoff victories than McNabb’s nine. They are Joe Montana (15); Terry Bradshaw, Tom Brady, and John Elway (14); Brett Favre and Roger Staubach (12); and Troy Aikman (11). - Philly Daily News

And what leaps out at you, of course, is that Don's the only guy on that list who doesn't have a ring.

People have been writing about how McNabb and the Eagles have been playing loose, free and easy for the past six-plus weeks (ignoring, of course, The Washington Debacle). My worry for today's game, beyond the horror that is a full-power Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald, is that I'm not sure it's possible to play your fifth NFC Championship in eight years that way. Especially when you've been favored to win four out of five of those games. There's just too much on the table here.

Since making the move for the Eagles with my pick earlier this week, I've read any number of writers making the case for the Cardinals. Warner's experienced, the Cardinals are going to hold the home field in a big way, Brian Westbrook and Jon Runyan are limited, the Arizona defense has been making big plays. But when it comes to the trenches, I think the Eagles just have this one; I think they stop the run and get to Warner.

Which leaves the game in the hands of McNabb, who can't make mistakes. Of course, he usually doesn't. Except in the multiple NFC Championship losses.

FTT enters a Brave New World of Actually Live Blogging, so feel free to check back during the games and join the big commenting freewheel. And if the Eagles lose, you would be correct in assuming that it's all my fault, for changing the routine.

(Oh, and the late game will also be live blogged, assuming anyone attends the early one, and I haven't offed myself. Place your bets.)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Friday Night Blogrolling: Nightmare Fuel

East Coast Bias ranks out the reasons why they hate the Steelers. I'm linking to it for the Nightmare Fuel of that thing in the Big Ben underoos. Click if you dare.

Jeff Johnson, a man with whom I've appeared on camera with in a non-pornographic way, weighs in with his NFC and AFC Championship picks. They are 100% different from mine, so I now must hate him.

Simon on Sports does the math to compare this year's Joe Flacco to 2001's Trent Dilfer. It's interesting, but not nearly as much as the fact if you compare 2001's Ray Lewis to 2008's Ray Lewis. The younger man is a lot better, and ends the interview with a lot of stabbing.



Finally, The Jets Blog with this find from YouTube. Alex Trebeck is calling you out, Coach!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Top 10 reasons why America should root for an All-Pennsylvania Super Bowl

I know, I know, I'm insane to speak of the possibility when the game will be the exact opposite of what I want. Hell, this NFL season is so freaky weird, I keep waiting to wake up during Week 1 as Tom Brady avoids injury. But assuming that we live in the actual world, there's fairly few interesting options for the final game but... the matchup I won't say. Now, I'm off to knock wood, throw salt and throw some runes. Or something.

10. After enduring more of the 2008 presidential election that just about any other state, you owe us

9. Might give Ohio hope that, one day, they too might get professional football teams

8. Will finally determine whether the state capital of Harrisburg is Steeler or Eagle Country, and whether either team wants it

7. Finally, the historic saga of the Phil-Pitt Steagles will be widely known

6. Weeks of follow-up interviews about the Week 17 Raiders loss with Jon "Chokey Chucky" Gruden could make him snap like a twig

5. Might finally get people to shut up about how stupendously, insanely, ridiculously hard it is to beat a team three times in a year, despite the fact it's happened 11 out of 18 times to date

4. The last time that the Ravens were in the Super Bowl, it was only slightly easier to watch than self-surgery, without anesthesia, on your own junk

3. If Arizona makes the Super Bowl, Kurt Warner's over-the-top Jebus praise will finally make all of the other gods throw down, and the economy is bad enough as it is

2. Too many of us are bitter and clinging to guns, without nearly enough Happy Religion

1. Does a Ravens-Cardinals Super Bowl even sell out?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

NFL Picks, Conference Championships

Three games left in the NFL season, folks, and they both look dangerously easy to predict -- especially given how flat-out crazy the playoffs have been so far this year. But as wacky as the last week was, I was an obvious delay of game penalty and several ridiculously unlucky red zone turnovers away from going 3-1 last weekend, with the only missed pick being the Jake For God's Sake game in Carolina.

So as stupid as it sounds to say this... I'm actually feeling reasonably confident about this weekend's games. That's because there are two clearly better teams in each matchup, so much so that you may feel strongly compelled to visit a certain sportsbook.

And with that... on the FREE NFL Picks! (Lines provided by BetUs.com.)

* * * * *

PHILADELPHIA (-3.5) at Arizona

How much do I work on these picks, folks? Enough to listen to the Bad Tooth's podcast, where he compares my hometown team to Big Pussy from "The Sopranos", has a guest advocate a BCS-style playoff to prevent us from the horror of a mediocre regular season team playing its best games late, and talks about how the NFL season is just ruined -- ruined! -- for him because, WAAAAHHHH, the Eagles beat the Giants and everything is just so random and meaningless now. (He also talks about how he can't understand why he gets hate mail. Seriously, Wee William, just go all the way and hit us with the steel chair. It'd be less obvious.)

This paragraph replaces one in which I take the Tooth's bait and recommend many anatomically unpleasant things, mostly because I think he'd enjoy them. Besides, Philly Fan is well aware of how our wins don't matter as much as other team's. And with that, let's go to another retrospective of the '87 Celtics, who were so much more dominant and meaningful than the '83 "Fo Fi Fo" Sixers. It must be nice when your teams are the World Wide Lemur's house pets. Anyway, moving on.

The single nugget of joy that I got out of that oral surgery was not worth it, but still worth sharing. Aaron Schatz from Football Outsiders, a relatively dispassionate and useful purveyor of nerd stats, checked the history of teams that won playoff games after getting a big mess of turnovers, like Arizona did last week.

Teams that had five takeaways in a playoff game, in their next game, averaged... drum roll, please... two. The list also includes lots of team like, say, the Jacksonville team that ended Dan Marino with a 50+ point playoff win, who wind up losing their next game.

Can Arizona win? Of course. Are they *likely* to? No. How should you bet? On what is likely, of course. But let's go deeper.

The case for Philadelphia: The defense is playing its best football of the Reid Era. Donovan McNabb has been very accurate for the last two games. David Akers and Sav Rocca are suddenly hot. They match up *very* well with this Cardinals team, as the Thanksgiving Night Massacre showed. Asante Samuel gets to go against Larry Fitzgerald, giving the team a chance at a big play back against a guy that's just murdered the Falcons and Panthers. Brian Westbrook gets to go against a defense that isn't Minnesota or New York. Eagle Fan will be there -- having priced airfare and tickets myself in moments of weakness, you can do the trip for $1K, lock, stock and barrel -- and if they have 10% of the stadium, they could easily make a third of the noise. They are experienced in the playoffs, and unlike last week, face a team that has played the same number of games as they have.

The case against: If this is a shootout, they just aren't as explosive as the Cardinals. On some level, despite the Cardinals' wins so far in the playoff, they could still be looking past them to the Super Bowl. The Cards are a very different offense than the last two clubs that they've faced, and if receivers are as open as they were against the Giants, Warner will not miss as much as Eli did. Samuel has been battling a hip problem, and if he can't go, the defensive line will have to be fantastic. Westbrook is obviously not right, and is averaging just 1.9 yards per carry in the playoffs. Just because the team hasn't played a clunker since Washington doesn't mean that they still aren't capable of it. Reid is just 1-3 in NFC Championship Games, and 0-1 against Warner on the road.

The case for Arizona: Larry Fitzgerald is the living embodiment of amazing. The defense has been getting huge pressure and making plays. The home crowd are playoff noobs, which means that they'll cheer as if the home team is playing with house money. Warner's an experienced playoff quarterback. The running game isn't great, but it's no longer terrible, and the offense is extremely good in the red zone. Should be playing as loose as a home team can at this stage in the playoffs.

The case against:
It's just a terrible matchup against this defense; as their entire season has shown, they are a different and not very imposing animal when Warner is pressured, and he should be pressured in this game. There's very little chance that they will get as many takeaways again, and if they don't, the defense will give up points. The loss of tight end Steven Spach is a problem, and the much bigger problem is Anquan Boldin, who hasn't been healthy or himself for a long time. If Boldin is 100%, this offense is explosive and has a serious matchup advantage of Boldin against Sheldon Brown, but if he's not, they can be defended. Ken Whisenhunt has never been a head coach at this stage of the playoffs.

The pick: Westbrook won't get 1.9 yards per carry, folks, and the Cardinals won't enjoy a massive edge in turnovers. So long as the road team gets out of the first without being down big, I think they are going to win this game. (And thank the Cardinals on a level that's almost as much as the Raiders, since they wouldn't have enjoyed the trip to Carolina nearly as much as this one.)

Eagles 31, Cardinals 20

Baltimore at PITTSBURGH (-6.5)


First things first -- this line sucks. It's at least a point to two points higher than I'd like, given how these teams couldn't have played tighter games in the regular season, and dammit, more people should be getting sucked in to the idea that the Ravens are the Six Seed of Destiny in the Apocalypse Six Seed Super Bowl. But so be it.

The big thing that you hear, in the lead-in to this game, is how hard it is for one team to beat another three times in a season. This statistic, by the way, is total horsespit. Here's how hard it is: there have been 18 cases where a team had the opportunity to go to 3-0 in the playoffs in a head to head matchup. And they won 11 of them.

Look, there's a reason why the 2-0 team wins more often then they lose; they are usually better. They almost always have home field; they also have the confidence to know that they can, and do, beat these guys. They lose some as well; it's hard to win playoff games, period. But if you are going with the Ravens just on the Third Time's The Charm gambit, you're on a pretty thin branch.

Another point about those two earlier Steeler wins: the home team wasn't as good then as they are now. So long as Willie Parker looks as good as he did against the Chargers (and no, of course he won't against Baltimore, but half of last week's output will be fine, and he'll get more than that), the Steelers are a dramatically better offense. San Diego's not a great defense by any means, but they can do some things, and last week they got absolutely steamrolled by the men from Iron City... and with Parker and Mewelde Moore getting consistent and positive running plays, that means that Big Ben's got time and space. When he's got those things, folks, there might not be a better QB in the league.

Oh, and their defense is pretty freaking good, too. Note that Joe Flacco's second game against them was a lot worse than his first, which is not exactly the trend you want to see from your rookie QB.

For the Ravens, not to put too fine a point on it, but they committed Grand Theft Football last week in Tennessee. Had the Steelers had to go on the road, it would have been a more difficult game for them, especially if the home team still had Chris Johnson. Anyway, lets go to the tape.

The case for Pittsburgh: At home, with a much more explosive and balanced offense. Have beaten this team twice before when they weren't at full strength. Have the best unit in the game with their defense. Baltimore's corners can be had, as Kerry Collins showed in racking up nearly 300 yards in passing, with a lot of that to fraud number one receiver Justin Gage; they'll have much more trouble with Santonio Holmes and Hines Ward.

The case against: Ben's playoff record is not exactly pristine; if pressured, he can make big mistakes, and the Ravens' defense lives to score. If Parker or Ben gets hurt, and both have been dinged up this year, all bets are off. LaRon McClain can wear down a defense, and Willis McGahee has made a surprising number of good plays (i.e., any) in the playoffs. If they don't get pressure on Flacco, he's got the arm to make enough big plays to swing a game. They should have a disadvantage in punting, not that this showed up last week. The Ravens won't be cowed by the home field or crowd noise, and anything can happen in a division game like this one. (And if you don't believe me, go talk to the Giants. Assuming they aren't busy trashing cars.)

The case for Baltimore: Might have played their bad game last week and gotten away from it. Home teams in this playoff have been far from invulnerable. The defense can score, and when that happens, they usually win. Coach Harbaugh has a vibe about him; he's like one of those Internet poker players that gets to the final table in a tournament, in that while you wait for him to make a mistake, he's stealing you blind. Have to feel like they are due to break through, given how close they came to winning both of the first two games.

The case against:
Really didn't do enough to win against the one seed last week. Flacco's just got 10-for-24, 120 yards and 2 picks staring down the barrel at him in this one. Opposing field goal kickers hate Heinz Field for very good reasons, which is to say, the Steelers have an advantage in the kicking game.

The pick: Maybe I'm just making too much out of having a healthy Parker against a pedestrian Charger defense, but damn, the Steelers looked good last week. It'll be close for a while and you will never see a playoff game where both teams are more afraid of the other team's safety... but the difference in this game is as obvious as Flacco vs. Roethlisberger. Give me the guy with the ring, the home field, the better mobility and the better wideouts. Despite the fact that I'm fairly convinced that I'm going to get sucked out with late points to lose the cover.

Steelers 24, Ravens 16

Last week: 2-2

Playoffs to date: 3-5

Year to date: 136-117-7

Theoretical Bankroll: Up $365

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Your tears are the sweetest of nectars

Because I'm something of a hateful prick, one of my favorite post-game pastimes is surfing the blogs of whatever NFL team that lost to the Eagles. As you might imagine, that Week 17 game against the Cowboys provided at least a year's worth of solid stroke-fuel.

The Vikings, with their Midwestern stoicism, didn't give me much, but the Giants, oh, sweet, sweet, Giants. They have provided me with so much delicious pain. So irrational. So illogical. So, so beautiful. Join me, won't you, as we traipse through the mental and emotional collapse of a fanbase. (All misspellings, curious grammatical innovations and general stupidity original.)

From Big Blue 101: I'm too pissed for stats or analysis right now. When I wake from my drunken stupor in a few days I'll come back and talk about what this means for the Giants. But for now, I retreat to my basement with a bottle of Jack Daniels to soothe things over. Cause at least Jack Daniels doesn't disappoint me by blowing two fourth and short conversions in an important playoff game.

From the comments at ULTIMATENYG:I wish in football it would not be such a big deal to change QBs if one does not "have it." Clearly, Eli, our starting pitcher, did not have it, so bring in a reliever. Carr has zip and confidence. [David Carr's career stats: 59.7% completion percentage, 62 TDs, 70 INTs and a QB rating of 70.2 not including his grossly inflated numbers from this year.]

From the game thread at Big Blue Review: We played Philly because of a zip code instead of a record. San Diego made the playoffs because of a zip code instead of a record. Indy had to play a team on the road that they were 4 games better than because of a Zip Code. Atlanta had to go on the road against a team two games worse because of a zip code. The #1 seed in both conferences played harder opponents with better records because of zip codes.

I come from this little place called logic…and while living here, I’ve determined that a team with a better f---ing record deserves more than a team with a worse f---ing record…not for that team to be cheated because their taxpaying fan base happens to reside in a location further located east or west or north or south. It’s called bulls--t. I tried explaining why the NFL does the playoff system that they do to my non-football watching girlfriend, and she couldn’t understand for the life of her why the system would be so dumb…and I told her I don’t know either. [Dude, you had a bye week and a home playoff game. What else do you want? The Eagles to play with nine men on defense? They have to start A. J. Feely? Quit whining like a bitch.]

From the comments at The Blue Screen: So far, Eli Manning has had 1 good Quarter as a NY Giant. Last year in the superbowl. Other than that, he is the largest choke artist that ever donned a Giants Jersey. A complete waste of cash, continually looks like a dejected 6 year old while playing the game, has no heart at all, completely indecisive during every call at the line. Here's an idea, draft a quarterback with a pair, enough with the choir boy, send him packing!!!

From GMENHQ (Who said prior to the game, "The Eagles couldn't make the playoffs without the failures of others this season. Team of destiny? Absolutely not. Team of luck? Definitely."): Notice how I didn’t title this post “Eagles win,” or anything to do with the Eagles winning. Because for anyone who watched this game, it was clear that the New York Giants pulled a Plaxico Burress by shooting themselves in the foot (rather than the leg) all day long.

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Donovan and the Birds shooting the Giants in the ass, but Giants fans should go ahead and believe whatever they like. They've got plenty of time to lie to themselves now.

Top 11 Questions For Giants Fan

Because, as happy as I am over this win, I'm happier still that the Giants lost. Your tears are like sweet wine to me, Giants Fan!

11. Which of Eli Manning's three interceptions was your favorite?

10. When Tom Coughlin gets angry at the refs, do you also think he's saying "Rassing Frassin Cotton Pickin' Varmints!"

9. Do you miss having Jared "The Hefty Lefty" Lorenzon around for those 3-inch quarterback sneaks?

8. How much do you blame Plaxico Burress for this?

7. Why did you stop chanting "Eagles Suck" after the first quarter?

6. Does it make you feel better that you saw the only 23-11 game in NFL history?

5. When did Coughlin steal Andy Reid's brain for idiotic challenges?

4. Did you miss Jeremy Shockey today?

3. Which of the two fourth and short stoppages in the fourth quarter made you more spastically violent?

2. If Michael Strahan and Usi Umenyiora were on the field, do you think you get a single sack of Donovan McNabb this year?

1. Is Eli still your Super Bowl Hero?

Chargers-Steelers Live Blogging: Fourth Quarter

Davis on the inside give... doesn't get in. Wow. Gutsy play the Chargers defense, and we still have a ballgame. Davis didn't get the handoff clean, and that's a lot more drama than you'd expect here.

From his end zone, Rivers goes play action to Hester for 10 and the first. Woodley nearly kills Rivers on a sack on what probably should have been a flag. Rivers floats a ball out of bounds that looked a little concussed to me. Third down is overthrown to Gates, and the longest Chargers drive of the half is done in 4 plays. Jim Nantz wants to entertain the idea of an intentional safety, because Jim Nantz has hung out with Phil Simms for so long, Teh Dumbness has rubbed off. The Scifres punt is brought back to the Chargers 47.

Parker for 4, and then Ben throws into double coverage for Washington in the end zone, drawing the PI flag on the cursed Weddle. The fact that Ben has all the time is really the killer. This time, Russell gets in, and many good seats are available on the Charger Bandwagon. That's my cover insurance, so the Steelers are making all of their fans happy right now. 28-10 after the PAT, and it's now officially Open Season on Rivers, with 12:52 left in the game.

The Terror From Tiny Town is stopped at the 27. Steeler Fan is loud -- they've had a long time to build that up -- but Rivers gets Jackson for 8. Hurry up offense leads to sit the hell down defense, as Brett Keisel registers the sack. Rivers scampers like a Mario character, then gets it to Gates, who makes Polamalu miss for the first. Sproles gets 10 out of the backfield with pain, and can't get out of bounds. Clear offensive holding is ignored as Rivers throws it away. Brandon Manumaleuma, who exists just to make game bloggers hate his name, drops an underneath route.

Rivers looking more than a little rattled to me. On third down from the gun, he gets it to Chambers for 15 and the first. Ten minutes left. Rivers throws away the first down pass, and the Chargers have 13 offensive plays in the half -- all passes. Chambers gathers in a deep post, and roughing the passer makes it worse; the Chargers have it at the 4 with the flag. From the gun, Rivers finds Naanne for the touchdown, and it only took four minutes. It'll be on the Steelers offense to ice this. 28-17, Steelers.

Moore brings it back to the 27. Can the Steelers take the air out of the game and save all of the bettors? With 9:04 left, they go play action and throw the ball to Washington, who can't quite bring in an amazing, circus catch. For some reason, this prompts a Steelers timeout. Sheesh. On second from the gun, the Steelers don't seem terribly interested in playing the clock, and Ben gets it to Washington for 6 yards. He then moves the chains on a slant to Ward that just missed being a pick, and that will take significant time off the clock. Parker gets two and the clock runs. Ben milks the clock and gives to Parker, who breaks it on the right side for 27 yards; the only problem is that he went out of bounds. Parker now with 24 for 122, and he quickly makes it 25 for 128. Moore moves the chains and gets shoved out of bounds, but this is a losing game for the road team, who have held it for just 21 minutes with 15 yards rushing.

From the 17, Parker gets a yard, and the Charger defense is still trying. Or, um, wait, scratch that... as Parker takes it to the house for the clincher with 4 minutes left. A rested Willie Parker is a dangerous thing, and the Steelers lead, 35-17. This one is over for everything but the line, folks.

Do I need to log the rest of this game? Well, I suppose. Incomplete short, incomplete long, Rivers is a douchebag, Steeler Fan chanting, and Smith and Harrison sack Rivers for the fourth time today. Who knew the Chargers had four offensive plays today? Norv just punts this, rather than lose by 25. Manly! Moore with the fair catch, and so long as no one's trying anymore, just to a mutual kneelfest and let me get to my spell-check, OK?

The Steelers Victory Cigar (Byron Leftwich) is on, and he's a smooth draw with a bit of a fruity aftertaste. They actually have him throw a deep ball to Limas Sweed on third and seven, and it's perfect, but Sweed can't hold on. You have to love Tomlin for going for more points there, honestly. Sproles tries the fake fair catch, but no one buys it.

Will the Chargers go to Billy Volek? Um, no, though you suspect Rivers wouldn't mind too much. Chambers pulls in empty calories for 20 yards. Hester for two, and he looks nothing like his brother in Chicago. (I keed.) Jackson and Taylor fight for a sideline ball, but Taylor is out of bounds when he comes down, which I know, but Simms doesn't. Oh, Phil Simms, will you ever not suck? Chargers pick up a delay call for fun. Tomlin challenges the pick ruling, because he loves the work so much that he wants to be out there longer. Doesn't he understand that America is waiting to watch "60 Minutes"? At least we know that the J. Giles Band is still relevant in Pittsburgh, and three minutes of our life that we will never get back ends with the call on the field upheld, I Heart Replay!

Third and 13, and I'm rooting for a sack, but instead, Rivers hits Sproles in stride, and his strides are mighty fast indeed. Wow. With the PAT, it's 35-24, and my cover is still in jeopardy. Damn you, Chargers!

Scifres with the onside kick, and it doesn't work, but the Steelers are offside. Russell fields the second one, and that is that. I await your apologies, weak faith Steeler Fan, for correctly picking your team to win this week. (And just to make your week more painful... I'm probably going to do it again next week. Gad, I'm evil!)

Chargers-Steelers Live Blogging: Third Quarter

I get back a little late, but in that the only thing I missed were Steeler plays when the entire quarter consists of them, so be it. Ben just misses Holmes on a huge bomb, and he was open; that would have been sensational. A draw to Parker fools no one, and the third and 11 is downright surgical to Washington for 15. Clean pocket, clean line, laser throw, perfect. When Ben's right, there's no one better. Parker gets two to the left, and if this was a fight, San Diego would be looking wobbly; you do not want to be down two scores to this defense on the road. Davis gets nothing on a screen, and third and eight is forced. Another clean pocket as the Chargers try trickery, and Miller makes a nice catch and turn for the first. Parker for a little more than usual, and then Miller off the rollout gets in at the goal line. As predicted, the fact that the Chargers don't get enough pressure on the QB to keep Miller in to pass protect is just immense, and it's 21-10 after an 81-yard, 14-play drive that eats over half of the third quarter. A thing of beauty, and that's the 10.5 point favorite that I picked.

Can San Diego answer and maintain any drama? Yes, because Sproles plays the game at a different speed than everyone else. A 63-yard kickoff return is just electric, and the Chargers from the 27... but the ball is tipped at the line on a slant where the lineman gets his hands up, and just that fast, the Steelers get the turnover. Just about the worst thing, short of a fumbled kickoff return, for the road team, as that defense looked gassed when it was just a 4-point game. Bus for the airport is warming up, Norv!

And just to make it official, Norv wants to review the interception ruling. Since Phil Simms thinks it's a good challenge, I don't need to say how this ends, right? At least they don't have any more to waste for the rest of the game. (And yes, Simms is still saying how smart of a play it was to challenge. Jeez.)

Steelers trying to grind it out, and the CBS mikes are picking up a lot of verbiage on the field now; exciting! The third and three from the gun is trickery in which Ben throws a nice little block to get Holmes for the first down. It's not far from Confetti Bucket time, Charger Fan...

Parker for 4, who celebrates his tackle as if it weren't at the end of a four yard gain. Chargers not exactly showing us the smarts here. The RB breaks it to the right on the 18th Steeler play for the Chargers 1, but it comes back on a hold by Miller. On 2nd and 16 from the gun, Moore takes a draw for five, and it's one more chance for the exhausted Charger defense to get off the field. The third and 11 is Ben from the gun to Moore, but Weddle stops him well in front of the sticks, and some drama is still with us. The Berger punt is a freak play, as it bounces off Weddle's helmet for the Steeler recovery. Since you can't advance a muff -- but you can wear it, possibly as a nicer accessory than a Steeler Gimp Mask -- the Steelers get the ball at the Chargers 23. And yes, The Exhausted Charger Defense is about to become A Theme.

A false start makes it first and fifteen. The Steelers are at 100 to 0 for yards in this half. Ward gets it closer with another big play, and roughness at the end of draws the first down. Parker gets a few, Ben dances all over before throwing it out of bounds, and the third quarter ends with Russell taking it to the six-inch line on an inside run. The quarter ends with the Steelers up 21-10, and a yard away from putting this one strongly out of reach. Your time of possession in that quarter: 14:47 to 0:13. Wow.

Chargers-Steelers Live Blogging: Second Quarter

Rivers to Gates gets them close to the sticks, but the Chargers can't convert a third down with Sproles, and Norv goes for the challenge prior to his punt. This move didn't work for Coughlin in the early game either, Norv! The challenge is crushed, Simms likes the move because it's stupid, and Scifres gets it inside the 20 on a Moore fair catch.

Parker with room and a burst gets 7, and if anyone likes the bye, it's a RB. San Diego with a 2-to-1 time of possession edge so far. Parker gets the first on a crease to the right, and he clearly likes facing the Chargers. A third straight carry nets him six, and he's got 7 for 41 so far. A spread draw is still his carry, and his fourth straight carry is another first down. It's old-time football, though he does hit the sidelines after that.

Moore comes in and gets four as the Chargers keep getting beaten at the point of attack. On second, Parker goes for 3 on the right side, and the Steelers are clearly trying to establish physicality. Third and three is a big deal here, and Ben from the gun is betrayed by a false start flag. You can't have that at home, even if you are anticipating a blitz. Third and 8 from the gun sees Ben with time, but the fullback can't make it, and it's fourth and two. Ben wisely hurries the team to the line, catching the Chargers in mid-change, and they take another timeout to deal with it. After the break, Berger's punt almost stays in bounds, but leaks its way in for a touchback.

The Chargers start with Harrison looking dangerous for the sack, and a near pick on the inside pass route. Now, that's the team I expected to see. A terrible looking screen is aborted by the QB on second. From the gun on third, Rivers throws a fly from pressure, and Jackson bails him out with a fantastic effort; the Steelers challenge, as they must. 50-50 call, and seriously, Jackson made an insane play if it's upheld. It's not, and the Chargers punt. Only Lynn Swann gets to make the play in Pittsburgh, punk! A nearly blocked punt leads to a fair catch at the Steelers 39.

Holmes on mild trickery for 3. Washington gets 5 on an out with a lot of extra useless running. On third from the gun, Ben has all day, but Davis can't get the two yards to move the sticks, and the Charger defense has come to play. A fake punt is snapped to the upback and is absolutely stuffed at the line, and Heinz Field is suddenly silent. Huge play there.

From the Steeler 44, Sproles loses two. From the gun, Rivers hits Naanee, who can't hold on. Third down is a huge play for the defense, and from the gun, Rivers finds Gates for the first down, beating Woodley badly. That was way too easy. Sproles on a delay loses four, and that's not the kind of running play that helps him. Rivers finds him out of the backfield, and Woodley crushes him, as the ball is behind him. Third down and 12 from the 32 is another field goal worry distance, but a gain to Gates makes that much more manageable. Kaeding in to try from 42 at the two-minute warning. It's the hard end of the stadium, but he gets it anyway, and it's 10-7 Chargers.

Steelers start at the 34 with 1:52 left. Ben from the gun has time to find Holmes and move the chains, despite pressure. The Chargers rush five, Moore gets nine, and Shawn Phillips is down, costing the Chargers a timeout that they wouldn't use anyway. From the gun on second and one, Ben misses Miller, who was wide open in the flat; just a bad throw there. Gary Russell converts in the power formation, and Pittsburgh calls time with 1:06 left. Nice run by Russell to move the chains.

From the gun at the Charger 40, Ben has all day and misses Holmes 25 yards downfield; another bad miss and clear opportunity. On second from the gun, he finds Miller to move the chains, but an illegal formation brings it back. Finally, they get the big play they needed, as Ben finds Ward from the gun after a pump fake, with a pristine pocket, for a 40 yard gain to the 3 yard line. As usual, the offense can't get it snapped after the big play, and despite the fact that Ward ran out of bounds, Ben takes a timeout.

A toss to Parker has three outstanding blocks, and the running back's first contact is in the end zone. Just a thing of beauty, that. With the PAT, it's 14-10 with 40 seconds left in the half, and since the Chargers have no timeouts, unless there is return weirdness, that will be your score at the half.

Russell takes Cromartie down at the 30, and you have to think the Chargers are going to sit on this here. They do, and that's that.

Chargers-Steelers Live Blogging: First Quarter

Our telecast begins with Steeler Fan showing us that they enjoy gimp masks, and lots of glorious HD snow. Nothing beats football in snow in HD, kids. Sproles takes the kickoff back to the 25 as I try to get past The Creepy.

First play from scrimmage is a throwback out to Gates, who goes for 25. Big and useful start for the road team. Sproles for no gain on a carry, but he's able to get free for 13 and a first on a nice little screen to the right. Then, Philip Rivers throws a perfect deep ball to Vincent Jackson, who wins the fistfight with Ike Taylor for the touchdown. Two minutes into the game, and the fourth road team of the weekend has a lead. OK, byes suck. Jackson draws 15 for celebrating, and it's 7-0 Chargers. Good grief.

A short and bad kick is brought back to the 40. Parker finds room and a burst for a first down. Next play is the same for less impact, but it's still positive. A third time gets the Fast One another nice little gain, and the first. Bubble screen to Ward looks good, but comes back on a hold by Holmes. Ward gets blown up on the same play, but the fact that Ben's got all kinds of time is promising. A nice ball to Miller gets back 7 yards, and from the gun on third, Ben has time against the blitz, but misses high to Holmes. From the 35, Tomlin goes for it -- fine play call, but I'd have ran it on third and made this down more manageable -- and from the gun, the Steelers get tricky with a lefty quick kick from Ben. It's ugly, but it's also downed on the 8, and the Steeler defense will try to get their bearings after the commerce.

The Chargers go three and out with two Sproles run and an incomplete, and then Santonio Holmes makes everyone who thought the Chargers would have a huge edge in punting eat their words with a knife and fork. The punt went 54, and the return went 68, with Holmes hurdling a man and bulling his way in at the close. The big play ties the game at 7 with 7:41 left in the quarter, and the reaction shot of Rivers on the sidelines is priceless, provided you don't like Rivers very much, and, well, that's most of the NFL. He's pouty!

The gimps are happy and waving towels; I think that means they like water sports. Charger Fan might have a gripe with a marginal clip call, but that coverage was just plain terrible. A spread run to Bennett goes nowhere, and Jacob Hester is flagged for a face mask to boot. A deep out to Chambers gets back the flag. On second down, Bennett goes down on first contract from a short toss. Third down needs 7 yards, and Rivers from the gun gets it to Gates, who seems a lot healthier this week. The field also seems to be in better shape than usual; more frozen than mucky.

From their 43, a false start shows the Chargers still trying to make things hard on themselves. Sproles gets back some on first, but a coverage sack by David Woodley creates third and 20 and a delay flag. Not exactly a good series of downs for the road team there, and even Simms is on the zero clock bandwagon. The safety handoff to Sproles isn't very safe at all, as Farrior nearly takes the handoff, and Scifres punts on 4th and 24. He keeps it out of bounds rather than face the power of Mewelde Moore -- interesting that Tomlin doesn't give Holmes that job again -- and the Steelers will start at the 26 after the commerce.

Parker for a yard, no real hole there. Ben pumps and goes deep with Washington falling from contact, and there's no flag on what would have been a marginal call. On third, Chargers' safety Eric Weddle comes clean and eventually wrestles Ben down for the three and out. Berger's punt gets a good bounce, and a clip makes it even better. The Chargers will start at their own 18.

CBS can't get enough of the Steeler Gimps. Sproles starts it with a hole and a burst, and he gets 8 yards for his first good run of the day. On second, there's a crowd in the backfield, but the dimunitive one gets out of it to move the chains. At the end of the first, it's 7-7, and once again, the bye and the home field doesn't seem to be impressing anyone. Sheesh.

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: Fourth Quarter

Play action pass to Celek in the end zone is the perfect play call and execution, and we are Camping Happily here in the Man Space. After the Akers PAT, the Eagles lead 20-11, a two-possession game, and the Giants are playing into the wind in the fourth quarter. The home team is in trouble, folks!

Bradshaw gets it to the 24 before he's eaten. Can the defense make this one drama-free? Not with easy 11-yard runs to Jacobs on first down, no. From the 35, he gets another 5, as he's clearly been the Giants' best offensive player today. From the 40, Eli from the gun, and this time he gives to Jacobs for 2 on a draw that didn't fool many. With 13 minutes left, getting off the field here would be huge... and from the gun, they keep it on the ground with Ward. He's just short, and from the Giants 45, you'd have to think they are going for it, needing just six inches. Coughlin is challenging the spot, and I am dreaming hard of a lost timeout, but given that this is an Eagles game, in New York, and Coughlin has been able to use the power of anger to get pass interference calls overturned, the hopes aren't high. After commerce, even Joe and Troy think the challenge isn't going to work, and the refs stiff Coughlin. Beautiful. Giants have just one timeout left, and the Giants go for it on fourth and inches against a rested defense. Manning sneaks doesn't look good for the home team at all, and PHILLY TAKES OVER. WOW, WOW, WOW.

Troy is aghast at Eli's failure to get three inches. He has betrayed him!

From the Giants 45, Don from the gun gives to Dub for three, and The Clock Is Running. Second and seven from the gun is Don to Curtis on a play where he gets two and nearly loses his head. Third and five is huge for the possible field goal and clock, and Don from the gun finds Dub in the flat, but Webster stops him a yard short of the first. If this was a power team, you'd think about the kill shot go, or maybe even the fake, but instead, Rocca just punts it to the 11, and it will be back on the defense. 10:22 left. Damn, a first down would have taken a lot of air out of this game.

Even Fox is down on Eli now. From the 11, he gives to Ward, who gets through some shoddy tackling for 14. Not useful. His first good carry of the day is followed by his second, for 8. Giants still huddling; Ward now with 10 for 40. Another nice middle hole for him gets the first down, and for some reason, the clock stops at 9:09. Why? Because it's broken now. Eli to Toomer gets five, and it's followed by Jacobs for a yard. The clock is back up now, and running to 7:30 on a third and three. Giants are 2 for 11 on third down. From the gun, the direct snap is to Ward, who is swallowed by Parker for no gain. The Giants are going for it on fourth again, with under seven minutes left and only one timeout in the bag. A play here might end it, and the give to Jacobs should not get the first... and the measurement backs me up. The Eagles hold on fourth on back to back series, and with 6:28 left, you couldn't ask for more.

From the gun, Don gives to Buck, who loses two to the right; Giants are in Big Desperate Defense mode now. Don then administers what could be a kill shot with a perfect deep ball to DJ, who toasts Corey Webster and nearly scores. Wow. Yes, world, we do enjoy our rookie wideout, who doesn't seem very gassed at all.

Dub to the 1 and the clock runs. A touchdown makes it a three possession game. Giants Fan sounds like they want to leave. Dub loses a yard in the middle as the Eagles show that, even in a game they are winning, they still can't run in short yardage. Clock down to 4:10. Don can't find Baskett on a roll out, and the clock stops with 4:02 left. Akers to try a PAT to make it a 12-point game, which isn't a bad thing, but not a perfect kill shot, either.

Akers to the end zone, and Bradshaw to the 27, which is a worry that didn't materialize. We are 3:51 away from the weirdest second round weekend ever. Joe talks up Plax Burress. Ha ha! A quick out to Hixon isn't very helpful. Toomer is open on the left for way too much as Sheldon Brown misreads it. 3:24 left, Giants ball at midfield, and Eli ends it with another awful pick, an overthrow that Mikell settles under at the Eagles 32. That should empty the stadium, and do very little for his jersey sales. Welcome back to the Real Eli, Giants Fan! Last year's playoffs were a very long time ago!

Don is 22 of 40 for 217, one touchdown, two picks, and I'll take all of it in this wind and against that defense. Of course, it helps tons that Eli went Delhomme there. A two yard gain on first is followed by an unnecessary Don run that gets yards but also stops the clock; let's not have any injuries, please. Don hotdogs on the Giants bench by picking up the phone, and draws a 15 yard flag that makes it 3rd and 16. WTF, Don? But we're into the confetti bucket stage of this one as Rocca lines up to punt. Hixon is downed at the 20 with 2:04 left, and Don's phone wackiness has led to more work for the defense. I suspect they won't mind too much.

Clemons almost picks Eli again, and we're at the 2-minute mark. For those of you keeping track of such things, that would have been his third, and he's now 12 of 26 for 150 with, of course, no touchdowns. On second, with Giants Fan sounding drunk and angry, Ward is kept in bounds with a 7 yard gain. Ward again on second can't get out of bounds, and Steve Smith ends things with a wacky fumble that nicely symbolized the Giants' futility today. Don sits on it, and for the first time ever, an NFL game will end with a 23-11 score and all three top seeds losing. Wow.

In the last eight quarters against the Eagles, all at home, NY scored two touchdowns: one special teams touchdown, one garbage time touchdown, one safety and three field goals. And that, more than anything else, is why they are gone.

And that, my friends, is that: the Eagles are going to Arizona to play for the right to go for the third Super Bowl in their existence, against a 4 seed that they destroyed to save their season in late November. And for the record, Andy Reid still has to resign. You clearly don't respond to any other motivation, so Die, Fat Man, Die.

But in the meantime, won't you sing with me?



(And no, I don't care what you think. I'm singing, bitches!)

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: Third Quarter

Demps starts the second half with a big and lovely return where he got every possible yard out of it; the Eagles will start at their own 47, into the wind. Avant gets a couple on a long out throw to the left. From the 49, utter and complete disaster, as Don's pass is blocked at the line, tipped by a lineman, and collected by Giants defensive lineman Fred Robbins, who takes it to the Eagles 33. Kill me. But if you are looking for omens, the barely-there ankle tackle by Kevin Curtis kept Robbins from getting it a lot closer.

Jacobs for 10 through traffic as Joe and Troy can not control the glee in their voices. He gets it again for five, and has 11 for 65 on the day, and the Giants do us a favor by bringing him off. From the gun, Eli throws to Ward, who dribbles it. Samuel is in the locker room getting an IV. Get me one too, please. Third and five is a huge play, of course, and Mikell is on the sidelines, too. How fast things change... and from the gun, Eli can't get it to Boss short of the sticks, with Considine making the play. Another terrible ball from the Super Bowl Hero. Carney tries from 35, and with 12:37 left in the quarter, they take the lead back, 11-10.

That's the fourth lead change of the day, and about the best that could be hoped for after a disastrous pick. And I had such dreams of this being out of reach for the home team in the fourth. (Well, no, not really.)

Can Demps give them good starting position again? Samuel returns jogging, which makes me a little happier about life. Tynes to the 1, and Demps has little room; he gets it to the 25. Don rolls out on first and watches Celek's second drop of the day, this one on a roll screen that might have gotten five, and today, five yards means a lot. Troy, of course, buries Don for the drop. Buck gets five with a flag on the field that is, of course, offensive holding. Todd Herremans is guilty of the 7th flag of the day against the road team, versus four for the home squad. Not that I'm bitter. Quinton Mikell leaves limping. Joy. A bubble screen to Dub doesn't work -- hey, why not call it grounding? -- as Don gets slammed. On third and 20, I'm dreaming of a defensive hold. From the gun, DOn avoids pressure, throws cross-field to a wide-open Avant, and he gets the first with a gutty little run at the close. HUGE PLAY. ALL CAPS LETTERS HUGE PLAY.

Kiwanuka leaves with an arm injury, and Don hits Curtis in the hands for a 30+ yard fly that he just plain drops. The miscue is mitigated by a defensive penalty, but good heavens, you have to make that play. Such is the nature of fandom that I yelled much more at the drop than I did at the play to Avant. But yelling has happened on both plays, naturally.

From the Giant 41 with Don looking suddenly sharp, Buck for a few out of the backfield. Giant Fan making noise and sounding worried, and Curtis catches the second down dart that is in his hands for a nice crossing gain. All of ths into the wind, and they've got it at the Giants 41 now.

A Buck run left gets nothing, but at least Andy is still calling them, and giving them to his best RB on the ground. Second and 10 from the gun, and Don can't get it to Avant on a screen against a blitz that might not have gone for much anyway, Justin Tuck is on the ground now, and we go to commerce.

Can they convert the second big third down of the drive and give themselves a chance at the go-ahread points? From the gun, Don has all day, and finally finds Buck for 19 on one of this improv plays that Dub usually makes. Again, huge, and the Giants have to start thinking about blitzing. Avant down on the play is also not useful. Guys are dropping like dominoes in this game.

From the 23, Dub gets a nice little 5 yard gain on the play where DJ is faking the end around. Tuck back in, but looking less than hale. Don misses Dub on a fade route where the man is open, but Don has to unload with a free blitzer, and the wind is no help there. On third and five from the gun, Don misses Dub against a blitz, and Akers is on to try from 35. He gets it, and Joe tries to jinx him hard by noting that he's now made 17 straight post-season figgies, a new record. At least he didn't get to that factoid before the attempt. Our fifth lead change of day makes it Eagles 13, Giants 11, with 7:45 left. I'm taking solace in the fact that the Eagles will have the wind in the fourth.

Akers gets it to the 7, and Bradshaw returns it to the 32; about as much as you can hope for into the wind. Can the defense get a three and out and really make the home team sweat? Troy lobbies for more Brandon Jacobs, and the Giants oblige for 3 on first down. Clock running, and on second down, Jacobs goes left on one of those sidewise runs that makes him ordinary. He gets two, and the third and five is a big chance. Can the defense get off the field? From the gun, Eli finally makes a good throw downfield, and the Giants second third-down conversion is a huge 34-yard play to Hixon. Damn, damn, damn. Giants have the ball at the Eagles 30, but the usual thing happens there, which is that the offense can't get in place fast enough. Eli calls time, and both defenses are starting to show cracks at this point. The difference in this game, you suspect, is that someone will eventually score a red zone touchdown. I'm just hoping it's not the home team.

5:22 left, and We Have Tension. On first, Eli has all day, then throws against his body to Hixon, who Sheldon Brown lays out on a high throw. Second down is a give to Jacobs, and he goes sidewise for a yard. The second big third down play of the drive is a third and nine with a long field goal try looming. From the gun, Eli is incomplete to Ward as Mikell's blitz is helpful. Both teams are just dialing up the execution in the red zone on defense. From 47, Carney misses again, this time to the left, and that's just immense. The Giants have left 6 points on the board today from the kicking game, which is just about the dead opposite of what usually happens to the Eagles in games at this stadium.

From the 37 and the gun, Don gives to Dub, who guts out 5 yards. A little more breathing room for the back in the second half, but not too much; he's now at 11 for 21 on the day. From the gun again, Don fakes the run but can't get the screen to work, and throws it away. Third down is, as you might imagine, a big down, especially with the defense being on the field a lot today. From the gun, Don is perfect to Curtis on a slant, with the blitz in his face again. Perfect coverage doesn't matter when the QB is sharp. Wow, and the Eagles are now 6 for 10 on third down.

Don tries Curtis again, and Webster draws the flag for PI; Coughlin is wildly irate, and the refs might actually go back on the call. Unreal. Chalk one up for Coughlin on that one; I've never seen a crew so pussy-whipped by a coaching staff before. The Eagles wind up calling timeout after the play, and Reid just doesn't have the aerobic activity to get that play overturned again. Even Joe and Troy think the Giants might have gotten away with one here, though I kind of hate that it cost a timeout.

From midfield and the gun, Don finds Smith for 6 yards, and the get-even obvious call is a face mask on Pierce, which brings it to the Giants 29. Don finds Curtis, who scampers to the Giants 14, and the offense is looking good right now. Can they keep it up even in the red zone? From the gun again, Don gets it to Celek, who bulls his way to six yards. The Giants still haven't sacked Don this year, and they are sending a lot of blitzers his way. Second and four is a give to Dub, and he gets three up the gut. Less than a minute left in the third quarter, and this is another huge, huge play... and Dub takes it on a sweep to the 2, for the first down. They let the clock run out, and at the end of three quarters, it's Eagles 13, Giants 11.