Top 12 reasons why the Cowboys might release Terrell Owens

Some sources around the Internets are reporting that the Cowboys are considering the release of that mild-mannered Terrell Owens person. Now, why would they do such a thing?

12) Can't afford the inevitable fat depressed girl sleeping pill overdose attempt on their HMO payments

11) It would mean less Drew Rosenhaus in their life, which is something that all sentient life hopes for

10) If Owens sticks around long enough, #2 WR Roy Williams might develop a poor attitude and the tendency to drop passes

9) A long-term diet of popcorn, tears and drama tends to be fairly unsatisfying

8) After getting rid of Pac Man Jones and Tank Johnson, it's clear that the only way to remain an underperforming prima donna on this payroll is to own the team

7) Jessica Simpson says that Terrell told her she looked like she was putting on weight when she's like, so not

6) Tony Romo and Jason Witten arranged for this months ago, in an undisclosed location, with the other members of the Cowboy Illuminati

5) Releasing Owens will get publicity, which is the only thing this paparazzi worshiping franchise can do, or gives a damn about

4) Cowboy management drafted him high in their fantasy leagues, and they are very, very bitter about it

3) Having Owens around jeopardizes Jerry Jones' long-term strategy of promoting Jason Garrett to the head coaching job, not winning playoff games, then firing him

2) There's the small point of how he's 35 with falling stats, highly paid, hasn't played for the winning team in a playoff game since 2002, and might be the worst teammate in the history of the NFL

1) Want to be more like Philadelphia by having him go destroy a division rival from the inside; don't the 'Skins and Giants need wideout help?