Eagles to the Super Bowl! Or a loss next week!

Posted by Tracer Bullet

Now that the greater Philadelphia area is celebrating a hard-fought win against the surprisingly game Minnesota Vikings, the Birds must do one of two things: Lose next week or win the Super Bowl.

Now, losing to the hated Giants would be a bitter pill to swallow and their hairy-backed, no-neck fans and their husbands would never shut up about it. But, the Giants are coming off a bye as the #1 seed in the NFC and teams win about two-thirds of the time coming off the bye in the playoffs, so this would be a tolerable loss. The WIP meatheads will still scream and demand that Reid and/or McNabb be drawn and quartered in Franklin Square, but they're going to do that anyway.

Losing to the Giants in that case would be painful but tolerable. Losing another NFC championship game, especially to a team named after a pissed-off housecat and whose fans would much rather talk about Talledaga than the Super Bowl would cause the meatheads to rage and sputter in a way they've not done since their last child support hearing. In that instance, some fool is SURE to argue that they should trade or cut (with hatchets) McNabb and sign Brett Favre (They love Favre. He's a gunslinger. And he's white). People, I live in this city and I'd be forced to shoot someone if that happened. The murder rate in this city is high enough (but down by 15%!) without me contributing to it.

And if they lost another Super Bowl? The resulting carnage will make New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina look like a city enjoying a soft summer rain shower. I'd rather not have to kill my way to the grocery store.

One might think that the Phillies winning the World Series would temper the city's championship bloodlust, but for football fans, that's like watching your best friend score with a model; you're happy that he's banging a hot chick but you still got dry balls.

A Super Bowl win? After beating the Giants on the road? After humiliating the Cowboys in the last game of the season? The resulting carnage will make New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina look like a city enjoying a soft summer rain shower. I'd love to have to kill my way to the grocery store.