Friday, June 3, 2011

42 Mavs Heat Game Two Takeaways

Why 42? Because it's my birthday, and I'm old. Good grief, what a game. Ladies and gentlemen, WE HAVE A SERIES. I'm so relieved.

42) Mark Jackson advocated deliberately injuring Dirk Nowitzki, because he's just that kind of douchebag

41) LeBron James showed great effort and hustle in creating multiple turnovers

40) DeShawn Stevenson now has consecutive games with not just points, but made three-pointers

39) The Heat routinely score on plays that are just plainly dispiriting

38) Peja Stojakovic is the world's ugliest, slowest and least flamboyant matador

37) James actually was called for a travel and did not dispute the play; no, seriously

36) Watching Jason Kidd and Tyson Chandler run the pick and roll is just sad

35) If you need someone to scream after a putback dunk in the first quarter, James really is your man, and the Heat really are your team

34) The telecast felt compelled to remind us that Mike Miller is tall, despite his best efforts to make us forget that

33) Bailout shots from James are just going in at an absurd percentage right now

32) During a back and forth offense flow sequence in the second quarter, ABC/ESPN chose to discuss the day-old retirement of a player who did not play for either team

31) Dallas shot the first 11 free throws in taking a 6-point lead, which has to be proof of some kind of conspiracy

30) The Mavs' best defense against putbacks appears to be asking for offensive goaltending calls

29) Dallas calls timeouts like a wrestling heel rolling out of the ring, i.e., when the other guy hits a big exciting move

28) Any half where Dallas gets three made three-pointers from Stevenson is one where they should lead by a lot more than, well, nothing

27) Wade and James went back to missing free throws, which could be one of those hidden indicators of fatigue / portents of doom

26) The way in which the Heat, especially Wade and James, react to poor officiating really has to be earning them back all of those older fans than dislike how the team was put together

25) The telecast crew decided that we needed to hear a roll call of 1960s Oakland Raiders, because they are on drugs

24) Once the Heat decided that the free throw differential was a problem, it ceased to exist, but they didn't make enough free throws

23) The Mavs lost the lead when James missed time in the first half with foul trouble, when one presumes their opportunity was greatest

22) When you turn the ball over against Miami, it's just deadly, since there might not be a better team in transition in the past 20 years

21) Shawn Marion keeps scoring in the post, which really has been huge for Dallas so far in this series

20) If Dirk can actually get a touch with solo coverage and patience, he dominates, but that's not exactly common in this series

19) Kidd is starting to show signs of losing the defensive mojo he's been using for the past six weeks

18) James and Dirk got into each other, leading to a baffling technical against... Mavs coach Rick Carlisle

17) The telecast crew decided to discuss the off-season antics of Scottie Pippen, rather than, well, the damn game

16) Brian Cardinal actually got into a game, which must have meant that Carlisle wanted somebody fouled, and because Peja was just that useless

15) Bibby made a three over Cardinal to give the Heat their largest lead, just to make everyone at home wonder if they were still watching the Finals, rather than the D-League

14) Shocking the public, the telecast crew advocated more aggression as the cure to all of Dallas' ills

13) Jeff Van Gundy gave Steve Nash grief for not watching the game, as if he's got any room to talk

12) Bibby actually had a make that wasn't a wide-open three

11) The highlight reel for James in this series will involve a large number of moments where no Mavs big man feels interested in meeting him at the rim

10) You have to admire the Mavs' innovative strategy of tiring the Heat out by giving away a huge number of uncontested dunks

9) JJ Barea's idea of defense is to continuously prod for the best possible flop

8) When Dallas goes small, it doesn't really solve their athleticism problem, or their rebounding issues

7) Since Wade had a big night, I guess we can forget about him being hurt

6) Honestly, the refs are allowed to call a technical on James or Wade; I checked the rule book and everything

5) OK, maybe Miami does have a problem closing out games after all

4) Udonis Haslem being called on to make a critical stop the run jumper in the stretch is not what's advertised for this team

3) Dirk's go-ahead three made me laugh out loud, and I picked the Heat to win this series

2) Mario Chalmers earned his "Wire" references with the answering three, not that Jason Terry covered himself in glory for that "defense"

1) The way this game ended seemed almost perfectly designed to give Dallas Fan Maximum Possible Release

1 comment:

snd_dsgnr said...

You forgot about the time with a 2 point game in the 4th quarter that the announcers took a moment to discuss Doris freaking Burke.

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