How Well Do You Know Kobe? Take This Quiz!

Fancy yourself a Kobeologist? Take this quick and easy quiz and find out. We'll give you the quote, you pick the meaning. The winner gets the rights to Smush Parker!

1. "I just felt like as a man, it was important for me to tell him, `I'm sorry it came out that way."

Is it:

(a) An apology to Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak for his loon-like off-season behavior

(b) A recitation of what he said, post rectus coitus, to that girl in Colorado

(c) A "Jules in Pulp Fiction"-esque recitation before murdering Vlad Radmanovic

(d) A recitation of what he said, post rectus coitus, to Jerry Buss

2. "I haven't thought about that in a long, long time. I've kind of stepped away from that."

Here, Kobe is talking about:

(a) sodomy

(b) sodomy

(c) sodomy

(d) getting traded to a place where there might be more chances for sodomy

3. "What I say is what I say."

The thought behind the thought is...

(a) If you need me, I'll be in the woodshed making little shoes.

(b) I'm off my meds.

(c) Aunt Flo has come to town? That don't affect my drive to the hole.

(d) Me and Starbury are *tight*. I'd love to play for the Knicks. We'd get shiny stuff.

4. "We'll just have to see where it goes."

This inescapable truth points to:

(a) I'm still not sure I'm doing this sodomy thing quite right.

(b) Kobe is Just Pawn in Game of Life.

(c) That Zen stuff that Coach Philip says will fuck your mind up, man.

(d) Javaris Crittendon can go play with Andrew Bynum at the goddamn Chuck E Cheese.

5. "I've concentrated on Team USA."

A patriotic burst that really means:

(a) Dammit, there are jerseys to be sold!

(b) I hates me some foreigners.

(c) I want to see if I can say this with a straight face. Don't.... laugh....

(d) I really hates me some foreigners. Hates 'em good.

6. "I was frustrated, I was venting."

Indubitably, but also this:

(a) Aunt Flo really is in town? Damn, that bitch comes around too often.

(b) Why won't Buss return my calls?

(c) I haven't had any in, like, HOURS. The Mamba must be fed.

(d) What else do I have to do to get East?