Dude, Where's My Car?

God bless you Cubs fans. As a life long Cardinals fan, I just love the entertainment that the Cubs and their fans provide me. The latest bit of amusement out of the Cubs fans is their new rally cry “It’s Gonna Happen!” I find this to be hilarious on so many levels. (You can read a nice, warm and fuzzy article in SI’s July 30th issue about it.)

Let’s start with the ambiguity of it. It doesn’t really describe what “it” is. In fact, I know what “it” is. “It” will be when the Cubs completely fall apart down the stretch. We got to see a glimpse of “it” last night. The Cubs could have ended up tied for the NL Central lead last night with a win over the Phillies. Instead they managed to only get 3 hits in a 4-1 loss. The Completely Useless By September squad is getting a head start here in July.

With this club’s history, do you really want to tempt fate with such an ominous slogan as “It’s Going to Happen?” The baseball gods have a sense of humor. The Cubs history proves that. Maybe we'll see Lou give the ball to Zambrano as he leaves a crucial game in the 8th inning ala Dusty Baker a few years ago. Who will be this year’s Bartman? Will Soriano and Ramirez knock each other out going for a short fly ball to left field? Maybe Wrigley will finally fall apart and the Cubs will be forced to play at the Cell. Whatever it may be, you can count on “it” happening to the Cubs. I would go ahead now and change the slogan to “Shit’s Gonna Happen” or a take off of Ernie Banks slogan “We’re screwed! Let’s play two.”

But my favorite part of this rallying cry is that the phrase is copyrighted. That’s fine. However, check out the font associated with the copyrighted slogan. These dumb ass Cubs fans are not even smart enough to use their own font. Check out the photo above. That’s right Red Sox fans, they’re using your font and color scheme. This in itself shows why the Cubs will always be losers.

Oh, on a side note. Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Tribune wrote an article back in May basically singing the praises of Jason Marquis and how the Cardinals fans must be sick that they lost Marquis to the Cubs. This was right after Marquis had recorded back to back wins against the Cards. No, Rick, we’re not. We know what he is and what he isn’t. For only $21 million the Cubs were able to secure a pitcher who has 2 wins and a 7.36 ERA since June. Where’s your follow up article Rick?