America: The Country Where My Parents Had Sex

According to various accounts, over 30,000 people decided to spend the anniversary of our nation's independence by... watching freaks eat hot dogs.

The World Wide Lemur decided to devote a significant portion of its news hole to this. They also decided to compare the six-year reign of the Japanese freak to the Chicago Bulls teams of Michael Jordan.

The President has told us that the terrorists hate us for our freedoms. I'm starting to wonder if they've got a point.