NFC Portents Of Doom

Thirty two teams wih a chance. 31 will drink from the chalice of defeat. When will you know it's your team's turn to partake of the bitterness? You could watch the games, or you could read this blog. Today, we'll look at the NFC, also known as the NBA's Eastern Conference, or MLB's National League.

NFC East

Philadelphia

On field: The day the team's most important offensive player gets hurt. That'd be Brian Westbrook.

Off field: When Andy Reid's kids go on a 3-state killing spree.

New York

On field: The game when Eli Manning has to steal them a road game, and doesn't.

Off field: When Michael Strahan can no longer fit both himself and his ego into the locker room at the same time.

Dallas

On field: When the Cowboys fail to cover a trick play kickoff lateral play, costing them a first-round playoff game in a particularly heartbreaking fashion.

Off field: When (not if) TO throws the team under the bus. As the scorpion said to the frog, you knew what I was before you gave me a ride.

Washington

On field: When Joe Gibbs flushes his QB (whoever it is) and tries to get someone new to learn a 400-page playbook. (If they ever go to the pamphlet "Give the ball to the running backs and no one gets hurt," they'd be dangerous.)

Off field: When Daniel Snyder spends tens of millions of dollars on talented players that other teams let get away, then can't understand why they don't gell in the new situation. Don't worry, Danny boy... Lucy won't pull away the football this year. She promised!

NFC North

Chicago

On field: When the vaunted defense gets exposed, as it does in the playoffs every year (see Smith, Steve, and Colts, Running Backs).

Off field: When Rex Grossman goes off on a long-form rant about how his coaching staff doesn't trust him, not realizing, of course, that anyone with a rooting interest in the Bears feels the same way.

Minnesota

On field: Third and long, after the opposing defense has put 9 in the box to stop the running game on first and second down.

Off field: When Tavaris Jackson, in an effort to bond with his teammates, books a boat cruise.

Green Bay

On field: The first game where an opposing RB goes for 150 yards. It won't be the last.

Off field: When someone in the organization notes that maybe, just maybe, they'd be better off without the most overrated quarterback in the league.

Detroit

On field: When the team's highly publicized core of wide receivers fail to stop the opposing team's offense.

Off field: The day Matt Millen was born.

NFC South

New Orleans

On field: Drew Brees or Deuce McAllister gets hurt, which will be the day when Reggie Bush's fantasy owners will be filled with (short-lived) joy.

Off field: When they become just another team, rather than America's Sentimental Favorites.

Carolina

On field: When it becomes apparent that between DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams, they have DeOrdinary Running Backs.

Off field: When Jake Delhomme makes fans wonder what Kerry Collins is up to these days.

Tampa Bay

On field: When the defense finally withers into ordinary performance.

Off Field: When they discover that loading the roster up with good back up quarterback candidates is not actually a defensible strategy.

Atlanta

On Field: When Joey Harrington's name is announced.

Off Field: Too easy, folks, Too easy.

NFC West

Seattle

On Field: When Matt Hasselbeck tells the crowd that they want the ball, and they're going to win.

Off Fied: When Shaun Alexander still looks like he's on the cover of Madden.

St. Louis

On Field: When Marc Bulger gets hurt. Note, not if.

Off Field: When the defense still looks like Mike Martz is involved.

San Francisco

On Field: When Alex Smith fails to cover his guarantee.

Off Field: When someone decides that "Coach Hitler" is a nickname that needs to be revived.

Arizona

On Field: When the regular season starts.

Off Field: When Edge James can't get through the airport, due to that large fork in his ass setting off the metal detector...