Top 5 Tips for Inspiring Sports Blog Comments

Our little corner of the Web is aflame -- aflame I say! -- with discussion of last week's how-to list for the less traveled sports blogs among us.

But what about the less-commented? What do you do with the teeming hordes of in-and-out, wham, bam, thank you Deadspin traffic that refuse to dance?

Why, you just apply a little FTT magic to it, and follow these 5 easy tips for provoking comments.

1) Anonymous Onanism

Just allow anonymous comments, then post to your heart's content. Sure, it could get you killed in Hebrew Genesis, but in the sports blogosphere, posting your own anonymous comments is a great way to break the ice. Especially good for schizophrenics or people who genuinely hate themselves!

2) Cheap Heat

Let the Braying Jackass school of broadcast sports (see the World Wide Lemur) be your guide. Say something clinically insane, or at the very least, remarkably stupid. Why let John Kruk, Sean Salisbury, Stephen A. Smith, Dick Vitale,... oh, my fingers are cramping, must abort list early... have all the fun?

Special bonus -- Insult a country. KSK shows us the way, and from FTT's own experience, it's amazing how thin-skinned those Nazi Supermen from Argentina are. Plus, the fact that FTT has readers in France just makes some of us shake with delight. Je ne regrette rien!

3) Other Writers

The best thing about having multiple people on your blogging team is that you can quickly learn which buttons to push to get cheap comments. Don't believe me? Here, watch this...

HEY, TRUTH! THE CARDS ARE LOOKING UP AT THE CUBS' ASSHOLES, AND TONY LARUSSA JUST NAMED A FAILED CLOSER TO THE ALL-START TEAM! WHADDYA THINK OF THEM APPLES?

See? Cake.

4) Write something that requires actual reading

In yesterday's MLB Round-Up, I specifically called out the utter uselessness of the annual All Star Snub lists. Today, we get... well-thought out posts on how I was wrong to cite Jimmy Rollins instead of JJ Hardy. See? Inspiring comments is easy!

5) Bribery

See that lovely FTT Logo, Nation? Some day, very soon, it's going to be on merch. And the people who post a lot... may get a *discount* on it. (That means you, Tracer Bullet.)

P.S. You are more than welcome to point out that FTT rarely gets comments... in the comments. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?