We're Only In It For The Children

Mommy and Daddy are fighting again!

Yes, if it's Saturday, it must be another chapter in the book that only New York wants to read, Alex Rodriguez's Life In Newspapers.

The latest is that the third baseman and preseason FTT MVP candidate (you can, as they say, look it up -- though we'd like it if you ignore all of the other predictions) says he's going to opt out of his contract at the end of the year, and that he's going to Vegas for a weekend with his friends.

The Yanks said fine, that's great -- we'd like to extend you now. And also, my mother wants to visit. For a month.

A-Rod replied that he won't negotiate during the season, and that he wants to buy a motorcycle.

The Yankees countered with saying that if he's going to be that way, they won't negotiate with him in the off-season. And that if he doesn't start picking up his underwear, they're just going to throw it out.

Dishes, presumably, will be thrown next, after an exchange of idle threats.

Meanwhile, the Yankee fans are watching from this whole thing from upstairs. Should they be happy that the mean man who doesn't make Mommy happy will leave?

But if that happens, Mommy won't be able to stay in this house in the first division. And Daddy might go live with that tramp with the Boston accent right down the street. Mommy would never get over that.

Kids, FTT is here to tell you -- don't worry.

Mommy and Daddy are going to stay together.

That's because no one else can stand them.

Or you, really.

Now, stop crying and go to bed!