Rejected Voiceover Dialogue for Diet Pepsi NFL Spots

If someone doesn't get TO a Diet Pepsi right now, TO just might kill TO's self. TO is totally serious. And you all will miss TO when he's gone, yes you will...

(Peyton Manning approaches line of scrimmage, waving hands) I just *hate* my flabby forearms! And my ass has gotten *sooooo* big! That's it, I'm switching to Diet Pepsi!

(Ray Lewis enters stadium, doing his Spasmodic Dance Routine) You do not drink Diet Pepsi, you rent it! Let me take a piss or I'm a gonna kill someone!

(Drew Bledsoe on sidelines) You know what goes good with Diet Pepsi? Burgers. Mmmm, burgers...

(Jerry Porter on sidelines) Man, can you believe the Diet Pepsi guy didn't show up today, and he still got paid? What up with that?

(Eli Manning after interception) I told Dad, I just wanted to deliver Diet Pepsi. But no, he *made* me play football...

(Martin Grammatica after hitting field goal) Yes! Yes! Yes! Meesa Get Diet Pepsi Now! And Scary Man Coach With Titties Does Not Beat Me! Meesa Happy Happy Happy!