Mid-Day Quick Hits

(Because Papa Smurf over the fold is just too much, really.)

1) Bill Parcells retires as head coach of the Cowboys.

Owner of the loudest 34-30 record in the history of coaching. His last notable play as an NFL coach, provided this retirement is the one that finally sticks? Romo's Whoopsie. Tasty.

While it's fun to speculate on what luckless SOB will take this job next (hot young mind? No, TO would eat him... noted coaching legend? No, won't take any part of TO...), the early word is Wade Phillips gets to try to erase the Music City Miracle from his mind.

FTT bets that he'll get an 8-8 year, the 'Boys dump Owens, and then Jones opens up the check book for Bill Cowher. Because that's just how your mind words when you root for the Eagles... doom is ever-present.

(We also think there's still time for Coach Man Boobs to take a disastrous last job for the money. This is, after all, why the Arizona Cardinals exist.)

2) ESPN's Sports Guy is now tied with his wife for making NFL picks this year.

There's another 3,000 words we've saved you... IN THE FUTURE. (Cue sting music.)

3) NY Times reports that porn actresses are bemoaning the advent of HDTV. FTT feels the same way about Tony Kornheiser.

4) Bears and their fans bemoaning their lack of respect as a 7-point early dog in the SB. Um, they do know the Seahawks took them to overtime, and they are from the NFC, and the NFC team is always a 7-point dog, don't they?

FTT wonders if we should also bemoan our lack of respect. All the cool kids are doing it.

Expect this line to shrink by a point or so as people talk up the Two Headed Benson Thomas Beast and the Colts historic troubles with the run. (And for the record, we do not consider ourselves Bear Haters, or even Bear Baiters. We just trust Sexy Rexy not at all.)