Spasmodic Dance Squad

From the Associated Press today...

(Chargers defensive end Shawn) Merriman, nicknamed "Lights Out," did a spasmodic dance to celebrate each of his NFL-high 17 sacks. Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers said he saw some Patriots pointing to the scoreboard, mimicking the dance and stomping on the Chargers' logo at midfield.

"I think what got LT, and I was right there, was just a little of the taunting," Rivers said, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune. "Hey, celebrate -- we'd have been sprinting on the field, too, I guarantee you. But it was a little finger-pointing and I don't know where it came from."

OK, where to start with this...

1) Of course the Patriots are classless scum. They beat the Eagles, after all. And they're from Boston, home of the Celtics, as well as the Derek Lowe Red Sox that ended my A's year when Eric Freaking Byrnes and Miggy Freaking Tejada forgot to touch home plate. It's in the drinking water. (Along with the bitterness I feel for having so many of my teams go down at the hands of these guys. You employ Danny Ainge the player, you deserve Danny Ainge the GM.)

You think that teams that have won this thing are going to behave any better than those that didn't? Dream on. (And by the way, for the record, post-game trash talk is not taunting, it's gloating. I respect the in-game stuff a lot more than the post-game. Have the stones to call your shot.)

Having said that, any Patriots fan that thinks this is just part of the Vast Media Conspiracy to make Peyton Manning look more sympathetic... may be right. I think I speak for a lot of America when I say this next week's match-up leaves me with no good outcome to root for.

2) "Spasmodic dance", AP? Kudos. I think I've got my team name for next year's fantasy team right there. Either that or L'il Sean Salisbury.

3) And the big one, however, is taunting. Few things in the National Football League (extra points to anyone who starts talking about the National Baseball League on air, especially if they can use the word Baseball once every ten seconds) then the matter of Taunting. Let's see, we employ people to try to kill each other, we celebrate the most violent moments, we denigrate players that don't react well to the physicality... but don't you DARE TAUNT them. That's just not nice!

You might wound their feelings, contribute to low self-esteem, or create a culture of people who... who... who... TALK TRASH! (I'm sorry, I'm a little overcome right now with Thoughts of The Children. Please, discuss amongst yourselves.)

I talk trash in my fantasy league. I do it because it amuses me, and because it helps to remind me that it's a freakin' *game* that I shouldn't be taking too seriously.

I suspect those motivations are common, along with the fun of watching some Too Serious Person having smoke pour out of their ears when you dish some out. (A shame, but most of the folks I play with no longer take it personally.)

There's a phrase for people who take trash talk with thin skins. It rhymes with Crybabies Who Are In The Express Lane To Beatdown City.

So Mr. Rivers, if you don't want them doing Shawn Merriman's dance, audible out of the bad 2nd and 4 pass calls by giving the ball to the MVP. Mr. Tomlinson, if you don't want them dancing on your logo, commit a false start penalty when your idiot coach wants to go for it on 4th and 11 in the first half. And if it really offends you that it happened, use it as the motivation you’ll need to get the #1 seed again next year.

And when you play that game, try to do it with a coach that wears a headset on the sidelines, and doesn't work playoff games with both hands wrapped around his throat.

P.S. Andy Reid, for the record, coaches playoff games with a thumb up his ass. He puts it there with two minutes left in every half. We’ve learned to live with it, because it’s less painful than the foot he puts in the Skins, ‘Boys and Giants’ asses just about every year…