What We Think We Know About MLB

> The Yankees are a seriously flawed, 85-win club that will need an awful lot of help (read: AL Central teams playing each other to .500) to be in the wild-card hunt. It’s not just the pitching – it’s also the relievers, and Cano, and Abreu, and Giambi – and no one wants to say this, but they miss Sheffield’s edge, too. (Yankee fans, this is your cue to tell us all that they need guys like Paulie O’Neill, Bernie Williams and Scott Brosius back in the comments, because it’s all about *heart*. That never gets old.)

> The Brewers are not for real, but no one else in the NL Central is, either. (We’d call it Comedy Central, but no one in the division, not even the sleepwalking Cardinals, deserves to be associated with “Mind of Mencia”.)

> The Mets are the best team in the NL – and Oliver Perez and John Maine are the biggest reasons why. But they aren’t untouchable, because Perez can lose it again at any time, and Carlos Delgado suddenly looks older than Julio Franco.

> If Raffy Furcal has the same year he did last year – terrible early, one of the best lead-off men in the league later – the Dodgers will be fine. But someone needs to check Vin Scully’s meds, because that call of Adam Wainwright being Adam Wainwrong last week… well, Carlos Mencia just threw that joke back as being too small.

> Ozzie Guillen needs – nay, demands – his own camera crew trailing him at all times. Why he hasn’t joined AJ Pierzynski in putting on the wrestling tights (we’re seeing Oz as the cigar-chomping Castro-esque heel manager), we’ll never know.

> When Barry Bonds breaks Aaron’s record, there will be three spontaneously occurring sports stories that push it off the front pages, all of which are currently on file with the media. Contenders include a current NBA or NFL player coming out of the closet, the announcement of a franchise move to Las Vegas, and video of Michael Vick feeding kittens to pit bulls. (Also, both Vick and the dog will be smoking blunts.)

> Mike Piazza is not enjoying the Wally Pipp jokes, and was faking it when he laughed the first time.

> If you are ever going to manage to trade for Johan Santana in your fantasy league, now is the time. I’ll give you Ted Lilly and Chone Figgins for him.

> Joe Torre turned off his cell phone two weeks ago, and "lost" that back-up Blackberry, too.

> We are only six weeks away from the All Star Home Run Derby. Chris Berman is already reviewing tapes of previous years, to see how he can fit in more “Back Back Back” calls. (Hint: Start during the pitching coach’s wind-up.)