Laughing At, Not With

Kobe Bryant, on playing with Shaq, in this month’s issue of Hoop Magazine:

Do I miss playing with him? I wouldn't say I miss playing with him, but I think that sometimes I get a little nostalgic… A lot of the things that veterans do go unnoticed… I think I just assumed that everybody played the game the same way.

Kobe Bryant, after losing to the Suns in five games, last night:

Do something, and do it now.

Suggestions include selling Lamar Odom for 40 cents on the dollar, trading Andrew Bynum for a vet with not much left in the tank, putting Smush Parker on a NBDL-bound bus, or just beating the crap out of Vlad Radmanovic.

Oh, and it might help to not have an overrated and sated coach that is just hanging out for the paycheck and to have sex with the owner’s daughter.

Enjoy the rest of your ring-free career, Mamba. It could not happen to a nicer (alleged) rapist.

> ESPN.com gives over 4,400 words to Barbaro worshippers. Seriously.

Now, we are not going to make the point that these people are out of their minds, or that they have done some nice things as a quasi-political force, or that they are basically harmless, or that the Web means that niche groups everywhere have their own choruses to encourage them, or any of the other things you might have read somewhere else.

No, we are going to focus on one thing. Go look at the pictures with this article, and then come back. We will wait here for you.

(whistles, taps foot, checks watch)

Back yet? Great.

Now, did you notice any single person in all of those pictures that was not whiter than white – and in some causes, nearly transparent?

Just, um, saying.

> Actual quote from New York Giants DE Michael Strahan last week (hat tip: The Hater Nation, channeling the New York Post)…

"You want to be an NFL star? You want to stand in my shoes? Let's say one day I came to you and offered you a million dollars to let me take a huge hunting knife and wear down the blade until it was rusty and really dull. Then, when it's really dull and nasty, I would stick it into a pit of burning coals until the blade was white-hot. Finally, I would pull that sucker out of the flames and stab you over and over and over again. Take that blade and stab you in the ankles, your feet and your wrists. Not just stick it in but turn. Every single year I have somebody sink this awful, dreadful blade into a few parts of my body."

Point one: I’m pretty sure that, for a million bucks, Mike would get some takers. Go on Craig’s List, maybe for less. (A lot less.)

Point two: Poor, poor Michael. Condemned to work for millions of dollars in an occupation that he can never escape.

And the worst part of it all is, it never used to be this way at all! All those years in high school, college and the pros, there was never any indication that football might hurt!

Maybe we could hold a telethon for him.

Seriously, any Giants fans reading this – between Strahan, Burress, Eli, Coughlin, Shockey… how do you root for these guys without vomiting? As an Eagles fan, I felt dirty from time to time in the TO Era, but at least we got a SB run from the sale of our soul.

> Dwyane Wade collaborated with Seattle's Hornall Anderson Design Works on the design of T-Mobile's new D-Wade Sidekick 3.

Early reviews are that while the new Sidekick

1) only works for about a year before breaking

2) really doesn’t work that well without big server support

3) is prone to complete systems failure when things start to go bad, and

4) has to be constantly bailed out by tech workers

> The Cubs won twice yesterday, sparked by Alfonso Soriano’s 6-for-10, 2 home run day. The wins moved the team to 12-14, 5.5 games out, and third in the division. Meanwhile, the St. Louis Cardinals are 10-16, 7.5 games out.

This one goes out to The Truth, FTT’s resident Cards Fan, Cub Basher, and person who is a Nets win away from putting me in a big hole in our NBA playoff bet.

Wave up to the Cubs in the standings, Truth! Blow them kisses!