Number One In Our Draft, Number Two In Our Numbers

Dear Albert,

Congrats on raising your season average over .300 with today's 3 for 4 against the Nationals. The ten game hitting streak has brought you up from .239, and my fantasy team up from cutting ourselves like attention-starved 12-year-old girls.

But before we start quoting the Wolf in Pulp Fiction...

8 home runs is fine... if you are Dan Uggla. Actually, he's got nine.

24 RBIs is lovely... if you are Michael Barrett. Since he doesn't, you know, PLAY EVERY DAY. OR HIT THIRD.

Going 1-7 in your matchup at first base? I could have got that out of Nick Swisher. Who was drafted 89th.

Go back on the good roids already. Pretty please?

Love,

Your Owners at FTT