Monday, May 21, 2007

NBA Releases More Reasons To Hate The Spurs

(NBA HQ, Secaucus, NJ) -- Has your week-long Suns Suspension chewing gum of hate lost its flavor? Refresh your chew with these sparkling new, league-approved reasons to hate Duncan and Company.

1. The Spurs are the only team in the NBA to protest foul calls, and it is against our rules to give them technical fouls.

2. If not for the strike year championship, Phil Jackson would have passed Red Auerbach’s championship record while Red was still alive, which would have caused Red to throw his cigar to the ground and curse like Yosemite Sam.

3. San Antonio is close to Mexico, and MEXICO IS KILLING THIS COUNTRY WITH ILLEGAL ALIENS. (The NBA would like to thank Lou Dobbs for his support.)

4. Isiah Thomas doesn’t like Gregg Popovich, and when has Isiah ever been wrong?

5. San Antonio is also in Texas, which is responsible for the current president, and by extension, the war in Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, and global warming.

6. The Spurs have several foreign players. See reason #3 for more clarification.

7. No prominent member of the Spurs has been connected to drug use, controversial rap albums, or spousal abuse. The Spurs do *not* keep it real.

8. The Spurs are the only reason why Eva Longoria gets so much television time. And Eva Longoria is worse than Joumana “Eva Braun” Kidd.

9. You have always hated the Spurs. And Eurasia.

10. Hate isn’t the opposite of love – indifference is. You hate this game!

5 comments:

The Truth said...

You forgot #11 - There are more guns in Texas than people, so frankly, we're scared of the fans.

Anonymous said...

STOP SAYING THE PRESIDENT IS FROM TEXAS!!! Yes he WAS governor of Texas but he is NOT from Texas. he was born in New Haven, Connecticut; lived a while in Midland,TX(football powerhouse) but went to private school in Massachusetts(Andover). Besides that he was educated at Harvard AND Yale. The only reason he had interest in Texas is cause he had ownership in the Texas Rangers baseball team and his father had oil investments in Texas. Ya'll wanna blame someone for Bush blame Vermont and Harvard/Yale!

Anonymous said...

1. That’s right, Spurs are the ONLY team to criticize Referees

2. And what stop the ’99 Lakers to reach the championship? Would we have given them an asterisk to Phil Jackson for this record?

3. So is Phoenix (Suns) and California (Lakers, Warriors and Clippers)

4. Isiah Thomas was wrong the day he decided to coach.

5. Bush is NOT from Texas.

6. And from which state is Leandro Barbosa from?

7. Apparently, the Spurs are violent enough on the court. They don’t need a rap album (Shaq).

8. I guess her TV show is low in ratings.

9. No more than I hate ice cream.

10. I guess then that I should be indifferent to this article.

jyafink said...

Well, as someone who lives here and has lived in many other real large cities, I can say the Spurs are boring because San Antonio is boring. The 9th biggest city in America? What a joke. It claims that crown because unlike most major cities, there is basically no suburbs. The city is more like a small town in the Midwest with the same attitude. I'm surprised people put down their bibles long enough to watch a game. San Antonio natives love to say that San Antonio is 10 years behind the rest of the country – and damn proud of it. Just listening to their pathetic "go Spurs go" chant says it all. I could go on all day. Teams really do pick up on the culture of where they are based and project that image in things they do. If they make it to the finals, be prepared for another dismally low viewer rating.

DMtShooter said...

Wow, even the natives are now trashing the place.

For the record, we hate the Spurs in the same way that Stephen Colbert supports Our President.

(You might not have noticed, but in our role as bitter old sports bloggers, we pretty much piss on everything.)

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