The Shooter NFL Manifesto

The other day, some nutbag by the name of James Jay Lee decided to take hostages at the Discovery Network, in an effort to get them to change their programming. No, seriously. Anyway, the cops gunned him down, but not before his Web site got leaked, and lo and behold, the manifesto gets the pub it so clearly deserves. Take a look at it here.

The man's got some lovely ideas about who gets to breed and who doesn't, and for some reason, he's fond of squirrels and game shows. I, personally, suspect that you'll be seeing some of these shows on the air soon, if only because we already have reality shows for not one, but two Bengal wideouts. So why the hell not, really?

Then this morning, I opened up the following link from the Gray Lady, in which they find the outpriced and outmoded season ticket holders of the Jets and Giants, bereft of their onetime tradition of football attendance due to the demon free market and the even more demonic NFL. Ah, capitalism. It's so the best sysem until it doesn't work for you. Then, it's time to pule.

Put them together, and what do you got? An excuse -- nay, a demand! I've got hostages in here! -- to publish my own manifesto. Let's get straight to the ALL CAPSING, because that shows that I AM SERIOUS.

The NFL and it's affiliates MUST allow discussion of the following OBVIOUS POINTS:

1) The blackout rule is obsolete, moronic, and discriminatory against fan regions without disposable income, taste or brain cells. Focus must be given on how people can do WITHOUT giving rise to more filthy football-free afternoons. Non-football afternoons are not interesting!

2) Personal Seat Licenses are an abomination. All promotions encouraging the purchase of any more parasitic markeiting plans must be stopped. In those promotions' places, programs encouraging local fan attendance and stadium solidarity must be pushed. PSLs create the opportunity for the infection of road fan, and must be STOPPED.

3) All programs promoting the succession of football seats must cease. This is America, where royalty got kicked to the curb, and there is no sense in keeping the good seats in the hands of the same individuals. MORE RICH PEOPLE EQUALS LESS CHEERING.

4) Slackers must be exposed for the filth that they are. That, and all disgusting media-favoritism roots and contract greed. I am, of course, talking abut the failure of any mainstream media to take the Favre to task for being unprepared for the season due to his lack of commmitment to off-season training and physical fitness. Breathe Hype!

5) Find solutions for Global Concussions. Mostly by flagging players for helmet contact, and grandfathering out hard shell helmets in favor of more natural head protection. FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM TO STOP THEIR HUMAN HEAD SMASHING!

These are the demands the sayings of Shooter. Ignore them at your peril!