Visiting Laundry Etiquette 101

Last night I went to the Bears-Packers Monday night game with Papa Truth. It was his first time to Soldier Field and I figured what better way to introduce him to Bears football than with a game against the hated Packers, on a Monday night, where everybody has been drinking all day. Oh, and my season tickets are up high in the North end zone where I would describe the fans as “Blue Collar Enthusiasts.”

The thing to note with Bears-Packers games is that you get a fair amount of visiting laundry at Soldier Field. With the close proximity to Green Bay and a fair amount of Wisconsin transplants in Chicago there is usually about 20% Packers fans at these games. It makes for increased amusement during the games. And with both teams 2-0 going into it, people were pretty fired up. Walking up the concourse to our seats there was a Bears fan following a Packers fan yelling “Packers Suck. Packers Suck. Packers Suck.” All while pointing at the Packer fan. My poor dad, new to these surroundings, figured they were together. I had to explain that this fan made the poor decision to wonder off by himself, and the two guys were not together. He enjoyed this immensely and got pumped up to grab our seats.

For the most part Bears fans are pretty decent to visiting laundry. They will throw in a couple of verbal jabs here and there, but will leave you alone for the most part if you follow some basic visiting laundry etiquette. If your team makes a great play and you want to get excited – you can do so without a beer or pizza being launched at you. And I’m pretty sure no fan at Soldier Field has induced vomit on visiting laundry. Yet.

So let me set the stage of our seating vicinity. There are some pretty good regulars in my seats. Mostly males ages 30-50 with the occasional wife dragged along (with friend in tow of course). My row last night had the regulars. Typical Chicagoans with the SNL parody accents armed with brats and Miller Lites. Behind us was a group of 8 guys – 4 in Bears laundry, 4 in Pack laundry. In the row in front were 8 guys in their early 30s. Fraternity brothers from Wisconsin who had taken advantage of the night game and got their drink on early. They were “happy” but not belligerent. Three rows in front of me were the regular loud 20 something group of guys. About 10 of them. They are loud the entire game. About 10 minutes before the game started a group of 8 arrived. Appeared to be two families that came to the game together. All Packer fans. Two moms, two dads – around early 50s. Two teenage daughters and two sons who appeared to be teenagers, but were drinking beers, so early twenties but looked like they should be in high school. Now the problem with the two guys wasn’t that they were wearing a Matthews and Rogers jersey with Packers hats, but for some stupid reason they had small Packers towels on their heads under their hats. They already decided to break Visiting Laundry Etiquette by drawing undue attention to themselves. They got a few verbal jabs thrown their way before the game, but were smart enough to shrug them off. The one in the Matthews jersey was about 6 feet and 150 pounds and the Rogers clad lad unfortunately had a Bieber hair cut. Prime targets.

And then it began. On the first play from scrimmage, the Pack stopped the Bears run for a lost and the poor kid in the Matthews jersey (who we will refer to Matthews for the rest of this) chose poorly. He stood up and turned to all of us, pointed at us and yelled “All night long Mother F**kers! All night long!” It was like throwing meat to a pack of wild dogs. The verbal barrage started and didn’t end for 5 minutes. I can’t even write 95% of what was yelled back at him (although I did laugh at the “Hey Nancy, take your boyfriend Bieber and wait in Mommy’s car til the games over”). The 7 fraternity brothers had a target for the rest of the evening and every Packer fan within ear distance was happy as they didn’t have to worry about any abuse for the rest of the game. The mark had been made, and they were saved.

The worst thing that could have happened to Matthews was that the Packers went up 10-0 early. This only strengthened Matthews bravado and was as judicious with letting middle fingers and f bombs fly like a sailor on shore leave with his money. Another rule of Visiting Laundry Etiquette is don’t work up the drunk locals with profanity and middle fingers. It’s just bad form and you run the risk of really upsetting drunk guy. I blame the kid’s dad at this point – he should know better. Keep your kid alive is probably rule number one for him at that point.
Skipping ahead to the 4th quarter – momentum had shifted to the Bears and the barrage of verbal abuse increased on Matthews, only to have him get more angry and loud. Even the Packer fans behind us were agreeing at the Class A douchery being displayed by Matthews. The fraternity brothers were reliving their glory days from college by just killing this kid all night. Matthew’s buddy Rogers hadn’t looked up or said a word since the second quarter. He clearly wanted to be anywhere in the world but in his seat at that point. Another Visiting Laundry Etiquette rule broken – don’t be a huge tool so it gets to the point where everyone with you wants to be invisible.

And the final Visiting Laundry Etiquette rule broken by Matthews, and the biggest in my book happens. After Robbie Gould kicks the winning FG with 8 seconds left, Matthews grabs his buddy Rogers and starts to head to the aisle. Verbal taunts are flying at him, wrappers, a pretzel, and the last drops of people’s beer. If you are going to be a jackass at a visiting stadium – TAKE YOUR MEDICINE LIKE A MAN. Again, I kind of blame his dad on this one. Man up and take it. And if he stays til the end he doesn’t get beer and wrappers tossed on his family – not a lot, but still who wants that?

Heading out of the game 50,000 fans (take out the 10,000 Pack fans) were yelling “Packers Suck” all the way to Michigan Avenue. There were a lot of handshakes, pat on the backs and “Great game” shared between Bears fans and Packer fans. A great night and a great game shared by those who followed the Visiting Fan Etiquette. So for all the Visiting Laundry out there – go on the road, wear your laundry and root hard for your team. Just don’t be Matthews.