Top 10 reasons why Plaxico Burress's bid for work release was rejected

10) Now that Santonio Holmes is in town, figure they've got their quota of low-life ex-Steeler wideouts

9) Afraid, as are many people, of what he'll have in his pants on the job

8) His length and reach comes in handy behind bars, if you catch my meaning

7) The convicts have this football game coming up against the guards, and they totally need him to honor the memory of one of the older prisoners

6) The longer they keep him in the concrete motel, the more NFL players will add to their repertoire of Free Mumia-esque sartorial statements of support

5) Despite his satisfactory prison record and completion of an anger management course, the warden remains a Patriots fan

4) The correctional officials have received a call from a certain Mr. Goodell

3) By keeping him behind bars, the NFL stands to make much more from the sale of his jersey

2) Less than 2 percent of work release requests are granted, which by a wild coincidence is the percentage of brain cells that Plax uses outside of football

1) The state has somehow decided that it didn't really need a notorious, physically explosive and wildly spoiled man-child convict to get special privileges