Top 10 reasons to hate Ghana

Next up for the US World Cup team in their quest to ruin the dreams of African nations: Ghana. Here are your top 10 reasons to hate on a country that roughly 1 out of 100 Americans can find on a map, labelled or unlabeled...

10) When they made first contact with Portugese traders in the 15th century, they taught them how to flop for calls

9) They are the world's second largest producer of cocoa, but never serve it hot or with marshmallows

8) It took them until 1957 to achieve independence from the British, which means that they are 180 years dumber than Americans

7) There are just under 24 million Ghanaians, all of whom drive cabs in Manhattan

6) Before colonial Europeans messed with them, they were better known as The Empire of Ashanti, which is just an infinitely cooler name than freaking Ghana

5) If you want to know the truth, they are really all just Nigerian immigrants

4) As the second-least failed state in Africa, they give an inferiority complex to everyone else

3) While the official language is English, most Ghanaians speak more than one language, which means they are totally doing that talk behind your back in front of you thing

2) The team's nickname is The Black Stars, which would be impossible to see at night and is totally, totally racist

1) As the sole remaining African nation left in the World Cup, they are the last thing standing in the way of a vuvuzela-free tournament