Top 10 reasons why Italy failed at the World Cup

10) Gambling interests made them an offer they couldn't refuse

9) Just couldn't handle the Paraguay / Slovakia / New Zealand Group Of Very Unlikely Death

8) Figured that no one would notice them flaming out, what with the French and all

7) Marcello Lippi's decision to leave home talented but sketchy talent like Mario Balotelli and Antonio Cassano not exactly in keeping with the nation's, um, priorities

6) Southern players convinced that Northern players aren't really Italian; Northern players convinced that Southern players aren't really awake

5) Not that the Italians are old, but the entire backline played the game with oranges in their mouths

4) Team just couldn't get comfortable, playing their games in a country with rampant corruption, political instability and an unstable economy

3) Playmaker Andrea Pirlo wasn't healthy enough to play the whole game against Slovakia, or manly enough to overcome being named Andrea

2) Just didn't bring their flopping "A" game

1) Entire team failed to avoid mother's insistence to-a eat-a something, you-a so-a skinny