Top 10 reasons why FIFA won't use instant replay at the World Cup

10) When something happens 2.2 times a game on average, and decides the happiness or misery of hundreds of millions, taking a few extra minutes just isn't that important

9) Don't want to undermine the confidence of some of the very worst zebras in the history of sport

8) By censoring in-stadium highlight videos, they hope to prompt some old-school rioting, rather than all that damned vuvuzela tooting

7) Once they start reviewing for goals, it's a slippery slope towards also reviewing for penalties, red and yellow cards, and the countless dives and fake flops that are the soul of the sport

6) Concerned about an unfair standard between games involving South American countries, and the games involving also-rans

5) Want to be just as successful as the BCS system in NCAA football in provoking free controversy / PR

4) Just don't trust ESPN to show non-doctored replays that let high-ratings First World teams go through

3) Refuse to allow anything as boring as an instant replay review in their game

2) By allowing random chance in the form of colossally incompetent officiating into the game, teaches us all a valuable lesson about how caring too much about the outcome of a game is unwise

1) They are unspeakably cheap, stupid, short-sighted and pig-headed, and that's some of their better qualities