Top 10 benefits of the US moving on in the World Cup

10) We get to watch all of the people who claim to love America but hate soccer twist in the wind

9) It led Algeria's Rafik Saifi to slap a female reporter, then get slapped back by the same reporter, leading to him writhing on the ground like he'd been shot

8) Buys us at least three more days of not having to watch baseball, the NBA draft, or the Summer of LeBron

7) Landon Donovan now has the confidence and joy necessary to inspire the nation to clean up the gulf, lower unemployment and lose 20 pounds

6) Provides the nation's beleaguered soccer nerds with yet another Tipping Point that isn't, cutting down on the suicide rate among annoying third-tier athletes

5) Allows us to finally move Ghana up into the Axis of Evil, and have they ever been asking for it

4) Has to, on some level, cut down recruiting for Al Qaedi

3) Prevented monumental levels of whining about the disallowed "offsides" goals against Slovenia and Algeria

2) Eliminated another African nation from the World Cup, which will hopefully be interpreted as just what happens when you use vuvuzelas

1) We got to see a last-minute miracle goal to advance, and if you don't like that, regardless of the sport, you are a sad human being