Top 20 NBA Draft Takeaways

20) Wesley Johnson wore mockable pants to the draft, which means he will be a bust

19) If HDTV can't stop Stu Scott's broadcasting career, nothing can

18) Try as he may, Jay Bilas just can't touch Mel Kiper Jr. for odiousness

17) It just seems cruel to hold this thing in the Knicks' arena after Isiah Thomas traded every first round pick from now until 2040

16) Anyone who is still paying attention to this thing in the second round who isn't paid to do so, or related to a draft pick, needs serious counseling

15) One of these years, the Best Available White American Player may actually be someone that people actually are excited about having on their team... but Utah's Gordon Hayward ain't the guy

14) The Clippers drafted a guy (Al-Farouq Aminu) with a name that their theoretical fans won't learn how to pronounce before he suffers a season-ending injury

13) Rasheed Wallace's retirement was announced during the Draft, leading every player in attendance to give minimal effort and take a technical foul in remembrance

12) Now that the Kings have noted insane person DeMarcus Cousins to go with talented ballhog Tyreke Evans, they'll become the most watchable 30-win team ever

11) I don't want to live in a world where NBA draft picks wear suits that look like they'd be worn by sane human beings

10) Thanks to the influence of the World Wide Lemur and Blogfrica, every draft is now the best or worst ever

9) The next five years of Ivan Drago references to the Nets new Russian owner will just be a Laff Riot

8) The people who make mock drafts for this thing are unspeakable no-life losers, but they still can look down on...

7) The people who pay actual money to read those super-insidery mock drafts, which are, of course, useless the second the actual draft begins

6) When you consider just how many people are convinced that they could do a better job than the GM of their local team, you have to wonder if fantasy sports should be outlawed (yes)

5) Anyone who watches this is just, on some level, praying that an analyst will snap and say "My God, what happened to my life?"

4) Derrick Favors will totally turn the Nets around by giving them a guy who sounds like he took a short bus to the draft

3) Evan Turner will totally turn the Sixers around by giving them a multi-category swingman

2) John Wall will totally turn the Wizards around by giving them a scoring first, defense never point guard

1) The draft hasn't been the same since the departure of Stephen A. Smith, and more importantly, the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen