Top 10 Reasons Why Jesus Forsake Tiger Woods

(Ed. Note for non-golf fans: Unheralded PGA pro Zach Johnson won the Masters this weekend, holding off Tiger Woods and Retief Goosen for his first win in a major. Afterwards, a very emotional Johnson gave the credit to Jesus, seeing how it was Easter and all, and the Son of God clearly had nothing better to concern Himself with than who would win a golf tournament. Later on, he compared Woods to a giant, which would have to be Goliath, one would think.)

10. Earl Woods is constantly dropping by his cloud, unannounced

9. Starting to get a little bit jealous of all the attention

8. Knows that Tiger doesn't really drive a Buick, and lies make Him cry, especially in late December

7. Feels Tiger is getting a little too comfortable in Dubai

6. Two words: Nicklaus Praying

5. Little-known fact: Zach Johnson has leprosy, and He could never say no to a leper

4. Just didn't have his "A" Blessing today

3. Wanted Tiger to win, but as anyone who has ever played golf knows, the putter is Satan's club

2. Had to do something to shut Johnny Hart up (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070409/ap_en_ot/obit_hart)

1. Warming up with minor miracles before August 2nd (last paragraph, http://www.theonion.com/content/news/christ_getting_in_shape_for_second)