We Should All Find Opportunities So Abundant

Today, the Detroit Lions drafted a wide receiver in the first round for the fourth time in five years.

The team's record under GM Matt Millen is 24-72, the worst record in the NFL in that span, and the second-worst span in NFL history, behind only the expansion years for the Tampa Bay Bucs.

After the pick, Millen said -- and we are not making this up:

"Calvin Johnson is going to team with the rest of this offense and turn it into one of the most dynamic offenses in this league. I firmly believe that. You can scoff at it if you like. I really don't care, because I think it's going to happen."

For the benefit the 28 remaining Lions fans that Millen hasn't killed, here's the FTT Top 10 list of things you can hope for this year. If any of them happen, Matt Millen could (note: *could*) actually be fired.

10. Found in bed with a live boy or a dead girl

9. Gives money to Dennis Kucinich

8. Comes out in favor of gay marriage - mandatory gay mariage

7. Media discovers the missing Iraq WMDs in the trunk of his car -- and it's a Toyota

6. Changes his name and gender to Ernestine P. Muff-Diver (and pronounces the last part "de-vay")

5. Hires coaches who go through fast-food drive ins in the nude -- oh, wait, this one already happened last year

4. Harvests the organs of season ticket holders who wear those Fire Millen bags

3. Pulls off a mask to reveal that he has been Wayne Fontes for all this time, and he's also been on the Bears payroll

2. Live coprophilia display during annual Thanksgiving Day loss

1. Let's just say this -- it involves a shaved gerbil, Vaseline, and Richard Gere