Your Sports Round-Up, With A Disturbing Amount of WNBA-Ish News

> A WNBA player was arrested in Jerusalem for assault after punching an opponent in a parking lot after a game.

One more step in the Glorious Road Towards Complete Equality!... but I, for one, won't be able to take the WNBA seriously until someone starts waving some guns around. This parking lot stuff sounds more like something Bob Pettit would do to George Mikan. (FTT's going the extra historical mile today.)

> Curt Schilling, aka Bloggy McBloggermouth, is now putting up one million dollars, with one pinky in his mouth, to say that The Bloody Sock Was Actually His Blood.

Two quick points on the Sock of Turin:

1) Of course it's your blood, you big girl. Cutting yourself, or having a a difficult menses, would get you what you needed to be The Pitching Roy Hobbs.

2) Speaking for the millions of non-Sox non-Yankee MLB fans that the World Wide Lemur barely seems to know exist...

We Don't Care Now.

We Didn't Care Then.

Get Over Yourself.

> Clemens Is Undecided.

Once more with feeling... Sometimes, we wonder what it's like in Roger's World -- a magical place where the planet's 8 billion humans all melt away as colorful background to the Glory That Is Roger. On some level, it's very much like Brett Favre World. (Countdown to the next Retirement Story: 21 Days!)

We're with Smoke Stewart on this one -- Clemens is a money-hungry pussy who costs whatever team hires him by not showing up for the first half of the season. By doing this, he manages to keep the Roid Rumors to a minimum and prevents throwing enough innings to wear down / get hurt / be exposed.

And we will be reading this story for another five years.

> The Sonics want to do Vegas.

Please, someone, just move a team there, so we can stop reading this story every six months. In the last 5 years, we've seen the A's, Sonics, Expos, Twins, Cardinals, Raiders... all go to Sin City.
Someone will eventually, so just be done with it. When we were kids, this was Phoenix and various cities in Florida. Move or Don't. We all have satellites and cable now, and every game ticket costs so much, you're not going to that many games anyway. It doesn't matter that much.

Our favorite part about this story is that news outlets feel compelled to tell us that the Sonics owner also has the Seattle Storm in his possession. OK, Seattle fans... now you've *got* to take this seriously. It's one thing if the Sonics go, but NOT THE STORM!

> Kobe scores 45, Lakers win.

You know, Phil Jackson likes to say that the playoffs don't really begin until the home team loses a game.

Which goes to prove that either:

1) Phil is a fucking idiot

2) Any series that goes seven with the home team winning every game... NEVER REALLY HAPPENED. Cardinals fans -- you need to replay your mid-80s loss to the Twins right now.

I think I just blew my own mind. Strangely unsatisfying, really.