Top 10 signs you are a Hopeless Homer

This list was inspired by ESPN's Bill Simmons, known on this blog as The Bad Tooth, because I just can't help myself, you know? Today's festival of Ow OW OWW wasn't even clicked yet -- the podcast where the program listing previewed that, shock of all shock, after months of puling about how awful it's been to root for a 50 win team, he's back on the Celtics bandwagon now that they have hope against the Cavs -- and I'm still in pain.

Anyway, as homerism rankles the nose of every person who isn't pushing out the same gas, please partake of the following list that could help you self-identify the condition. Remember, only you can prevent homerism. In yourself. (And if you can answer "Yes" to more than three of these, emerge from the cocoon, please. It's starting to smell in there.)

10) You've painted your face in your team's colors while sober and an adult

9) Assessments of players who wear your laundry include whether or not said player is a "true" wearer of the laundry

8) There are elaborate umpire and referee conspiracy theories...

7) That are matched in their ferocity only by the even more elaborate media bias theories

6) Not only have you listened to sports radio, you've taken it seriously and/or called it

5) In reading this list, you have become convinced that I hate your team and am a fan of your hated rival

4) Not only have you purchased multiple jerseys, you've also burned those of players that have wronged you

3) You can talk yourself into rooting for a new member of the team with a particularly infamous history within a matter of minutes

2) You can talk yourself into rooting against someone who is no longer with the team, regardless of their particularly heroic history, in a matter of seconds

1) You use the second person pronoun without irony or apology, and you are more than 12 years of age