My six-step process to poker freedom

1) Scrimp and save to have enough to play in the game, so that you come in tight and/or scared to lose.

2) Feel conflicted about going in the first place, because there's stuff going on at home, and you're not really right with heading out.

3) Go anyway, and get to a table filled with casino veteran sharks that all buy in for bigger stacks than yours.

4) Get pocket jacks, raise pre-flop and get two callers, and watch the board come out 2-3-4. Bet it again, and have one caller. A 5 hits on the turn. Check that and the river, then call a 3X bet to see the caller flip over his ace for half of your stack.

5) Go tight after that, and watch all of the marginal hands that you don't play hit on the flop and turn, so that you beat yourself up for not chasing hands like Queen-4 offsuit.

6) Limp with Ace-10 offsuit with a quarter of the chips you bought in for, then hit top pair on a three diamond flop. The check is to you, so you go all-in to take down the pot and avoid having someone get you on the turn or river with a diamond draw... and get called by someone who flopped the flush and slow played it.

So that was my Friday night, and it took less than an hour of table time, and let me feel like I should never play cards again. Which would probably be the most profitable thing in the long run, right?