Top 10 Implications of a Celtics win over the Cavs

OK, I'm predicting. Possibly even reverse-jinxing, since I'm posting this before the game begins. But what the hey, my predictions of the playoffs so far have been so airtight...

10) Playing hard in the regular season, or watching it, is for suckers

9) Celtics Fan may never stop revelling in Cleveland Fan's pain about LeBron James' upcoming free agency, despite the fact that it's probably going to make for a worse competitive situation for them

8) The quality of Doc Rivers' intellect is directly related to the health of his aging stars

7) All of those desperate Celtic trade rumors from mid-season never, ever happened

6) The NBA should never, ever allow a schedule in which only one second-round series is happening for the better part of a week

5) Mike Brown's next head coaching job will not be in a country where English is the primary language

4) Emergency rooms across the greater New England area beset with twisted ankles from over-exuberent bandwagon jumping

3) If the Bruins somehow gag up their 3-0 series lead against the Flyers and lose Game 7 at home, you will only read or hear about Boston Fan's pain for two years now, rather than five

2) Since Cleveland Fan is not nearly as special as Boston Fan, he will not threaten to kill himself in the fashion of an attention-seeking 12-year-old girl, but instead, will just do it, with multiple gunshot wounds to the head

1) LeBron James to lose all commercial endorsemnts, future MVP votes, and his right to be a commercial puppet