Celtics v. Magic Game Two - Drama Now, None Later

In the first, the Celtics got Vince Carter in early foul trouble and jumped out to an early lead, but a Magic run with the suddenly useful JJ Reddick and Matt Barnes helped spark a run, and after a Marcin Gortat follow, it was 23-22 Celtics... prompting Ray Allen to rain down something impossible. Yeesh. But a Reddick three tied it up, and after a Rondo miss from the baseline, the Magic collected three offensive boards, then a Reddick three for some serious noise in the house. Great possession for the Magic, and maybe we'll have a series after all... but Tony Allen scored late, and it ended as Magic 28, Celtics 27.

I get back to the game after kid care at 42-all, with Carter going to the bench with his third and a technical, and Pierce collecting a flagrant on Howard, who gets his money's worth by nailing him upside the head. Can't say I didn't enjoy that. Pierce is kept from retaliation and only makes one of the fouls, then goes back on a call on Pietrus. Just in case you weren't missing the Suns-Lakers enough. It winds up being a two point trip.

Nelson gets stripped by Allen, who picks up a marginal charge call and has words, like everyone else in this game tonight, for the stripes. Howard ties it on a clear goaltend by Garnett, who does look spry. Howard then does the same to Pierce, who is clearly feeling it. Howard scores over Sheed, and he now has 17 on 6 of 7 shooting. Pierce answers with a three, and he's got 22; clearly, someone needs to hit him harder. Reddick responds for the lead change, and we've got actual basketballery going on here. Good to see.

An Allen miss, but Howard gets his third on cheapness with Garnett. Dumb, dumb, dumb, nearly as much as Gortat forgetting Rondo after his own miss, then putting him back on the line. The Celtics point guard then collects another possession with a steal and spike off Nelson to save the possession, and the Cs are closing out the quarter, like always. Rondo saves another possession by falling and tossing it off Barnes' leg, and the subsequent Garnett jumper makes it five. Barnes is erased down low, and Lewis gives the Cs another trip to the line with a shove to the back of Garnett. Whenever the game gets choppy, the Celtics benefit. Garnett misses both, and the Magic end a terrible possession with a bailout three for Barnes. Lucky. Pierce's three at the horn misses, and at the half, it's Celtics 53, Magic 51. Orlando Fan is chanting hard about how something sucks, possibly the zebras, and well OK then.

As we start the third, the Lemur talks about LeBron James. Honest. There's a game going on, it does not involve LeBron James, but the Lemur has to talk about him in a tangent about Howard's offensive game. More importantly, the Magic big man takes his fourth foul on a bad idea and worse call on an attempted strip of Pierce. Nelson scores in transition, but the Magic don't get back, and Rondo gets it back on the other end. Carter drive the baseline and gets Perkins' fourth foul, and the Celtic center takes it with good humor. Oh, who am I kidding; he acts like a four year old who just had his binkie ripped. Two makes give the Magic a lead, but only until Rondo does his teleportation drive routine for a layup. Carter can't hit or pass, and there's only so many possessions that Gortat can save. Rondo on a gorgeous fake and layup for the lead; wow. Carter misses again and is clearly not giving them what they need. If it's my team, Reddick's getting his minutes, but that's really not going to happen. We go to commerce with the road team ahead and a short series looming.

The Lemur finally shows what Magic Fan was screaming about; it was the ref getting into it with a ball flip to a fan. Weird. The Lemur blames the fan, of course. Nice voice of the people there. Garnett with a make to push it to five, and Carter goes down in a heap as Bill Simmons questions his manhood; he slipped on a wet spot, did a bad split, and landed on his wrist. That can't be good, even if Reddick does pick it up for him; the Magic are running out of guys who can score here. Reddick comes in and dominates the ball, missing on the baseline, but Howard is back and gets the possession back. Barnes misses an open three, and the crowd is worried. Garnett misses, but Nelson can't finish, and Rondo's speed gets Big Baby Davis to the line with a Gortat bailout. The Cs are stretching the lead in the third quarter; stop me if you've heard this before. Two makes pushes it to seven, and the 9-0 run is finally stopped on a defensive three second violation, which Reddick cans. Six point game.

Carter returms, still favoring the wrist. Play gets wildly chippy as the floor looks slippery, with Rondo taking a foul on Carter as Davis and Howard dance. Howard misses down low as I wonder why the Celtics don't just flop on him every trip down. Garnett with a jumper, then Davis draws a charge on Nelson. Garnett fakes the jumper and goes for a dunk, and the lead is 10 as the game is officially in Going Away status.

Reddick turns, but Garnett misses. Pierce fouls Howard for his third, rather than give up the Magic's first bucket in forever. Howard misses both to deepen the hole. Rondo misses at the end of a bad possession. Reddick feeds Nelson for a desperately needed three, and Rivers calls time, which seems like an overreaction to me. Doesn't he realize he's going to need those timeouts for when they blow their big fourth quarter lead?

Carter with a steal, but Howard's hook misses. Pierce tries to draw a foul on Carter for 15 seconds, then finally gets one. Lewis misses a three badly, and he's having his second straight terrible game. Pierce misses, but the Cs get the board and run clock oddly, leading to a Sheed miss. Pietrus drives the baseline rather than take the three, and gets a Sheed foul for his troubles. For once, the Frenchman hits both, and the lead is seven. Pietrus, as well, has been bad in these first two games, and he offers Pierce no resistance on a curl. Lewis finally hits a three off Reddick's penetration. Davis finishes after looking like a bear on ice, and on the trip back, Sheed takes another foul. I think he likes bench minutes; you can just foul your way off the floor when you are fat. Howard hits both, and the lead is six as the Magic are hitting some throws here. The final possession of the third is Rondo hitting from mid-range, and Pietrus' three-quarter court heave gets glass but not paydirt. It's 78-70 after three, and we're 12 minutes away from the Eastern Conference Finals being a drama-free exercise.

Stan van Gundy says, plainly, that the Magic can't stop the Celtics. So why are we watching again? Carter looks beaten as Pietrus fouls Rondo; silly. Sheed hits a rainbow three to push it to 11, and it's Vomit Time here in the Man Cave. Tony Allen fouls Reddick hard off the ball. Jason Williams hits a three off a Howard pass to cut it to 8; pretty. Tony Allen can't finish after a nice move. Williams feeds Pietrus for a just inside the arc deuce, and it's six. Rondo kills the run on a nice stop and start runner, and that's just what they do; the Celtic point guard is the best player on the floor tonight.. Reddick gets Sheed's fifth, and I believe a ham sandwich is calling him home. Reddick makes both to make it six again. Rondo misses, but strips Williams, then makes a ridiculous reverse layup. Wow. Pietrus is indecisive on the baseline and then throws up a weird runner. Perkins turns it, then takes his fifth on Howard, and it doesn't look like any Celtic big wants to finish this game. It's probably not going to matter since Rondo exists, and he's made Nelson and Williams disappear.

As I wonder when I'm going to enjoy the outcome of a night watching sports again, several of my starting pitchers in roto ball blow it, and I realize that I've missed another night at the gym to watch the Celtics win and my teams lose. This isn't getting old at all! The Lemur and Pierce fellate Rondo, who does have a certain sinister snake-like quality, really. The Magic miss in a small screen -- thanks, Lemur! -- but Pierce misses and Howard converts, and it's six again. Perkins fouls out on a moving screen, and maybe that changes things a bit. Shockingly, Jeff van Gundy doesn't see a foul. Pierce gets his fourth and sits for Tony Allen. Howard's hook makes it a four point game. Rondo turns it, and Reddick saves Carter, who nearly make a terrible turnover; the Duke product then goes to the rack and gets fouled. Two makes cuts the lead to two with just under seven minutes left, and the road team looks vulnerable, but probably isn't.

Howard steals it from Tony Allen as the crowd prepares to explode, but Lewis misses on a drive (huh?), and Rondo's feed to Tony Allen makes it four again. Despite the comeback, I have no faith in the Magic sealing the deal; you can't blow chances to tie it when you've been the worse team on the floor for 80% of the minutes.

Back from commerce, and the stat display shows Rondo with 23 points and 8 assists as Mark Jackson goes into his weak pro wrestling announcer schtick. Deeper voice makes you manly! Carter with a pull-up, and he's not afraid, at least. Pierce to Davis and the Magic can't even foul to stop the dunk. Sad. Howard's hook misses, and the real problem with that shot is that there is no chance of an offensive board. Reddick to Carter, who misses badly, but Garnett is whistled for holding Howard on the o-board, and the Cs are in the penalty. Howard makes just the second, and it's a three-point game.

Ray Allen misses a three, and Nelson boards. A Lewis three is off line, but Howard gets the board and another Pierce foul, his fifth. A super-friendly bounce gives him the first, and the second rolls in as well; one point game, and 30 for Howard, just under four minutes to go. Rondo slips, falls and wriggles, and it's finally called for a travel. Carter gives the Magic their first lead in forever with 3:35 to go, and the Celtics can only blame themselves, as they have six turnovers in the fourth quarter. It's nearly as inexplicable as the existence of "Grown Ups", which the Lemur punishes us with in the commerce. Die, Adam Sandler, die.

Howard with a big smile as the stat line shows him with 30 and 8. Garnett walks, misses, and the Magic get the team rebound. Carter fades and misses as Ray Allen flops for a Howard foul; no call. Garnett makes over Howard to retake the lead as Howard doesn't contest enough. Reddick's called for a charge on Davis, and it's a terrible call in two places, as Garnett fouled Reddick on the drive, and Davis didn't get anywhere near to position in time. Rivers with a panicky time out that isn't heard until late in the clock as we go to commerce.

One point game, two minutes to go. Pierce's three misses, but Garnett gets the board easily: gahhh. Rondo hits a jumper over Lewis, and that's just deadly. Nelson's quick three is off and not wise. Rondo's layup misses, and Nelson runs a secondary break to score and make it a one point game again. Cs run clock, and Pierce is bailed out on a foul on Reddick. If the foul is on anyone, it's Nelson, and it's hard to imagine how that gets called when so much hasn't. Pierce makes both to make it a three point game with 34.7 left, and the vise tightens.

The Lemur puts it on Carter, who takes a late pass from Reddick, drives to the hoop, and gets Pierce's sixth foul. The Truth leaves with 28 as Carter misses the first -- just inexcusable. And typical. He also misses the second, and I think I just heard Bill Simmons achieve orgasm. The Celtics get the board, and this should be over. Ray Allen gets the ball, and the Magic let the Celtics run clock. Garnett misses the kill shot jumper, Reddick gets the ball and calls timeout, costing his team seconds and position. Jeez. So much for Duke guys being smart. Nelson's 35-foot running heave gets nothing but net... but it's the front of the net, without going through the hoop.

That's the Celtics' fifth straight playoff win, their fourth straight on the road, and a 2-0 lead. I'll be surprised if this goes back to Florida at this point. But on the bright side, that would mean fewer Celtics games to watch. And yes, I'm grasping at straws, because we're well on our way to my near-annual nightmare Finals.