Top 10 signs your MLB team won't contend in 2010

10) Pitchers are getting hurt while shooting freaking TV commercials (Brad Bergesen, Orioles)

9) Your hopes hinge on whether a leadoff hitter with perpetually injured hamstrings can stay healthy (Jose Reyes, Mets)

8) Your big $8 million off-season acquisition was a power pitcher who can never stay healthy, and didn't even throw a pitch in 2009 (Ben Sheets, A's)

7) The team's star players are begging Johnny Damon to grace them with his old, park-inflated and defense-free self (Chipper Jones, Braves)

6) The team is located south of Philadelphia and north of Atlanta in the Eastern Seaboard, aka The MLB Dead Zone

5) After a year of throwing millions at a Ranger reject that turned out to be a complete disaster, they brought in another one (Marlon Byrd, Cubs)

4) Your offensive lineup strikes fear in the hearts of the opposition, provided that opposition likes to play 2006 Strat-O-Matic games (Tigers)

3) The plan for 2010 mostly revolves around hoping that Brandon Webb comes back healthy, and can change the standings by 20 to 25 games, without Mark Reynolds losing anything from his career year (DiamondBacks)

2) Your team was never in a real pennant race despite Cy Young seasons from your #1 starting pitcher, who was also nice and overworked during his big year (Giants, Royals)

1) You root for the Pittsburgh Pirates