Top 10 factors in Chien Ming-Wang's decision making

According to various sources, the one-time Yankee starter is choosing between the Nationals and one other team for his baseballery efforts in 2010. These factors include...

10) A starting rotation spot, as befitting his 9.64 ERA from last year

9) A firm promise that, even if things don't go well, he won't have to go back to Taiwan

8) The assurance that, even if he pitches in the National League, that he won't have to run the bases, given how well that went the last time

7) Since he's a ground ball pitcher, a shortstop with nearly as much range as Derek Jeter, and a first baseman with Jason Giambi's ability to cover for bad throws

6) An offense that helps a non-strikeout pitcher with a 4 ERA win over 70% of his starts and be known as an ace

5) No chance of further postseason stress and trauma

4) Broadcast teams that have the sense of a walnut, in that they won't mention any perfect game while it is in progress

3) More of those oh-so-manly bobbleheads

2) In writing, the assurance that none of his teammates will note that his last name is -- get this -- American slang for penis

1) The only real factor that any athlete considers: cash