Top 12 lessons learned (so far) from the Winter Olympics

12) You don't have to watch a minute of coverage to still get the gist of it, and quite possibly see more sports than NBC will televise

11) Despite decades of mockery and bewildered looks from everyone who isn't a participant, they still do that biathlon thing

10) Canadians are not so good at hockey that they can win with a dead man in goal, even with home ice advantage

9) Inexperienced and/or incompetent lugers stop being funny when they die

8) America is still the best in the world at doing goofy aerial tricks that can get you killed

7) NBC can provide the most infuriating coverage imaginable and still get ratings

6) When a plucky bands of American upstarts has success, the American public will even put up with watching hockey

5) Just like bowling, if you watch curling (aka shuffleboard on ice) long enough, you will think about having slummy sex with the players

4) Despite the fact that Vancouver was more or less balmy while the eastern U.S. had its most severe winter ever, Al Gore remains fat

3) Even people who like figure skating are OK with mocking ice dancing

2) Sports bloggers will find new Spank Bank accounts from literally any group of women's athletes

1) When underaged women win in hockey and drink beer in public, causing a pointless scandal, they must go to the box for two minutes, by themselves, and feel shame