Top 10 reasons why the Raiders signed Sebastian Janikowski for 4 years and $16 million

In case you missed it, no, it's true... the highest paid kicker in NFL history just got a big raise. (And, um, $9 million of it is in guaranteed bonus money. My Gast Is Flabbered.) Because the Raiders had no other holes on the roster, ya see. Anyway, I stopped shaking my head in amazement long enough to write this list, so stop shaking yours long enough to read it. Deal?

10) When the offense is this bad, having a guy who can hit from 60 yards is the only thing that stands between you and morale-sapping shutouts

9) At 6'-2" and 250, he helps to make JaMarcus Russell seem less morbidly obese

8) He's arguably the best first round pick the Raiders have made in the past 10 years

7) The team just can't imagine life without their all-time leading scorer, or how when a kicker has that record, it really doesn't mean very much

6) As with most things in Oakland, performance art and/or rampant punking of the fan base is always an option

5) By giving him this much money, it helps to limit how much they'll grossly overpay for Richard Seymour

4) They want to make sure that everyone in town knows who rules the roost -- kickers and punters

3) It's not like they are going to pay any of these wide receivers to stick around

2) SeaBass needs the scratch, because roofies and bribes to police officers aren't as cheap as they used to be

1) They are utterly and completely out of their minds