My fandom is underwater

The other day, I asked a realtor friend to run numbers for the house we bought in August 2006. We're still in that magical period of having absolutely no equity in the place, since it's the first time we've ever owned a place of our own, and pretty much moved in (a) at the tail end of the housing boom, and (b) with no real down payment and a motley collection of banks that are no more, mostly because they kept making loans to people like me, with no real down payment. We made sure to get something that we could fix up, rather than pay for perfection, and to leave ourselves some wiggle room in case things didn't turn out perfectly from a financial standpoint. Finally, we made sure to pick an area with good schools, since we've got two kids.

(Don't worry, this will get to sports at some point.)

In the time that we've lived here, we've done some very good work to the place. We finished the basement and transformed it into a mighty Man Space, adding 300+ feet of living space. We painted in three rooms, put in new insulated windows and energy efficient lighting, and a new and larger water heater. The world changed to increase the importance of mass transit (I live two miles away from a rail station that goes express to Penn Station in NYC in an hour).

I wasn't expecting, of course, for the house to hold 100% of its value; in this economy, that would be Plainly Insane. But, um... 90% didn't seem too much to ask, given the improvements and train access. But the market's answer is... drumroll... more like 75%, what with any realtor fee or legal foofaraw that would be involved. According to an article in this morning's NY Times (and a very cheery article it is, too), this puts us right in the wheelhouse of a growing new phenomenon of people who are so underwater on their dwelling as to just abandon the place, despite the ability to pay the mortgage.

Now, I'm not complaining (or moving); I'm an adult and all, and we're lucky to have a house in the first place. I like being a homeowner, the tax benefits are not inconsequential, and seeing how we're going to be here for a long time (my youngest either goes into kindergarten this fall or next), the market has time to recover and make the largest purchase of our lives less terrible. But the plain and simple fact of it is that if I were acting in my pure self-interest, rather than the larger perspective of my family and community, sending the bank the keys and breaking house arrest would be the move.

Which leads me to my fandoms for the Philadelphia Eagles, the Philadelphia 76ers, and the Oakland A's.

The former just ended a year where they had back to back losses that ended their hope and season, to their most hated rival, while showing less resistance than the French did in 1940. The middle is having one of their most dispiriting seasons ever, with a new coach attempting to install an offense that the personnel is plainly unsuited for. They have no real chance at landing one of the premier free agents that could actually change things in this decade, and their season highlight was to bring in a walking memory. The latter has me so conditioned for fire sales and mid-season quits that their canny off-season signing of Ben Sheets just made me wonder which contender will get him in July.

I should just send in the keys.

I have no realistic hope of a championship for any of these teams. (And yes, I know the Eagles are in some ways a model franchise, but right now, it really looks like they are going to start 2010 with Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb. The twelfth time is the charm!)

And yet... these are the years in which you earn it, right? You build up your karmic equity by appreciating the young game of Jrue Holliday, Brett Anderson and LeSean McCoy. You take the small pleasures of Andre Iguodala beating the Bulls tonight in overtime, or the Sheets signing, or the easy comedy that is Zombie Dick Jauron taking over the coaching of the Eagle DBs, because a bad head coach is usually great in a minor role. You reach at straws that a coaching change or reallocation of resources will allow the End of Agony.

All the while knowing that the bank is holding all of the cards, and that the bank personnel just think you are adorably stupid to keep fighting the good fight. And that they won't do anything more to encourage you in that stupidity.

House arrest, indeed...